Cool Kids of the Forum Check-In Thread

[damooch916]

Order. Order. Please be seated. 

I have called this meeting to initiate our bi-annual “cool kids of the forum check in” thread. Please inspect the registry and if your name doesn’t appear on the list, we’ll see ya on down the road stranger. 

(Pausing while totally baffled members fumble through the forum to see if there’s an actual “Cool kids” registry list) 

Important note:  We will be postponing the voting on changing our bi-annual “cool kids of the forum check in thread” thread name until after the fourth quarter. The current front runner still appears to be the “How the hell are ya,” thread. I’ll keep you posted. 
 

Let’s begin. 

 

Tenured members. Esteemed guests. Sweatpants enthusiasts. It is with great honor - and much coffee - that I humbly appear before you. It was many years ago that you appointed me “Forum Leader of the Arbitrary Satirists” and I have carried my position with proportionate dignity and considerable tank tops. 

As many of you know, we’ve added some notable constituents to our strange faction this year. Probably. I was pretty busy writing absurdist dribble in the music and audio section, but @newsmike has assured me that our numbers have grown and our strength has …strengthened?

That’s not it.
Our strength has blossomed? 
Is it intensified? 

 

Our strength has intensified. 

 

We, the “non-official” forum committee leaders, have taken great notice and you have not disappointed (the people who actually run this place think this is just a bunch of shenanigans, but they also find me interesting - like discovering a live grenade at a thrift shop). We have witnessed your spam rants. We’ve dissected your forum suggestions. We’ve entertained your discovery of list making and we’ve delighted in your crumbled hope - as you embrace this torn land for what it is.

And what is it? 

It’s utopia, silly. The Elysian Fields. The place of other. It’s the something rather than the nothing.  It’s everything.

So welcome to your soul sharing, club meeting. We fully expect you to “share” and discuss inappropriately personal information. That’s the nature of this gig, hoss. But please refrain from speaking until you’ve received the “talking pillow.” So join us, O’ kid of the new coolness. Raise your voice in harmony with the ghosts of these sacred texts. Join us, leaders of the forum lands. Tell us of your struggles. Your triumphs. Your false stories of true hardship. How’s business? How’s life? How’s that thing you need removed? How’s your mother? Tell us the current tale of you. 

 

We’ll also accept coffee recipes and unique Amazon finds (committee approved only).

Join us in this parade of time wasting and faux elitism. This fever induced, Barnum and Bailey hallucination. 

Cool kids of the forum… how you doin?

 

[newsmike]

I was told there would be donuts, where the hell are the donuts? 

Point: I have no coffee recipe but can offer Brooklyn's finest meatball recipe if committee approves.

 

Edited August 29, 2022 by newsmike

[melanielm]

Last time there was a cool kids' meeting, I snuck in the back and no one kicked me out. This time, I'm coming loaded with blueberry almond scones. I also have celery if anyone's not into scones.

[jonbaas]

4 hours ago, damooch916 said:

But please refrain from speaking until you’ve received the “talking pillow.”

😬😐😴

[smashradio]

This is my first time joining. 

Hi. My name is Leo, and I'm a workaholic. 

*excited waiting* .. Who's gonna clap? No one? Fine. 

At least, @newsmike has brought up the very important point about donuts. They are indeed missing. I expect someone ate them all before we arrived. I won't point fingers. It wasn't me. 

As for my contribution to this special occasion, I'm presenting... *Drumroll*

Yes. Those are my Meat Shredder Claws. Because everyone should have a pair. Perfect for the backyard BBQ and as a burglar deterrent. 

P.S. I vote that we make Mike's meatball recipe a part of our quarterly agenda. 

Edited August 29, 2022 by smashradio

[newsmike]

2 hours ago, jonbaas said:

😬😐😴

You can order a "Taking Pillow" and save 40% right now with the Promo Code; RANK MY GIG

[gisellevargas]

I definitely wanna be part of the cool kids 😎. 

[vickiespencer]

10 hours ago, newsmike said:

Point: I have no coffee recipe but can offer Brooklyn's finest meatball recipe if committee approves.

I can offer Montana's best meatball recipe handed down from my little Italian mom-in-law.

 

6 hours ago, melanielm said:

This time, I'm coming loaded with blueberry almond scones. I also have celery if anyone's not into scones.

I will take two scones and one celery to feel like I am eating healthy!

 

5 hours ago, smashradio said:

Yes. Those are my Meat Shredder Claws.

Hey! Where is the BBQ meat? 

11 hours ago, damooch916 said:

We fully expect you to “share” and discuss inappropriately personal information.

I wore red bloomers with white polka dots today. 😊

 

 

 

 

 

 

[shamssavvy]

7 hours ago, smashradio said:

This is my first time joining. 

Hi. My name is Leo, and I'm a workaholic. 

*excited waiting* .. Who's gonna clap? No one? Fine. 

At least, @newsmike has brought up the very important point about donuts. They are indeed missing. I expect someone ate them all before we arrived. I won't point fingers. It wasn't me. 

As for my contribution to this special occasion, I'm presenting... *Drumroll*Yes. Those are my Meat Shredder Claws. Because everyone should have a pair. Perfect for the backyard BBQ and as a burglar deterrent. 

P.S. I vote that we make Mike's meatball recipe a part of our quarterly agenda. 

Unique idea, unique post! I'm learning! 

[damooch916]

Thank you everyone for your prompt arrivals and many party offerings. Let’s proceed to the “check in” portion of our itineraries. After all, this is that rare thread where we rear back, lift our masks off and use our true inside voices.

I’m noticing some glaring absences. Tag them, tell them we’re having our irregular “fellowship between ‘help me market’ threads.” After all, we’re the committee. We’ll return you to your varied and regularly scheduled programs later. First, we’re just gonna enjoy this fire and remedy life’s ailments. 

Lay the new news on me. Give me some insight on the goings on with you. Tell me a new story, I’ll snag the feety PJ’s.

Papa’s always got an ear for your trouble and a sayin’ to put your mind right. So don’t you worry your head and tell me how ya been child. 

[damooch916]

4 hours ago, gisellevargas said:

I definitely wanna be part of the cool kids

Hey and thanks for reaching out. I’ve looked over our records and didn’t see an application on file. No worries. I always carry additional copies - call it the optimist in me.

Our process is a simple questionnaire, designed to evaluate your personality, determine your placement and ultimately decide if your methods align with our club ethics.

Fortunately, I not only designed the evaluation, I’m also directly responsible for grading it. That’s not an invitation to bribe me. No! You absolutely shouldn’t bribe me with a well poured, aeropress coffee drip, squeezed from finely ground beans made by Allegro Coffee Company, using a teaspoon of almond milk and half of one Splenda. It would taste too amazing and it may cause me to tear past the property line of my moral boundary.

Anyways.

Your answers will be received and a determination will be issued within 24 hours. All answers will be absent of privacy. Silly answers will be shared. Pencils ready. Let’s begin.

1. If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, does it still have to be on fiverr 24 hours a day to receive client inquiries?

2. True or False: Depending on the size of the town, hour of the night and crack heads located at the local diner - gas station coffee is still coffee. Please explain your answer.

3. Why is there something in the buyers request as opposed to nothing in the buyers request?

4. Which of these statements are the most truthful about you as a person:

a) I would be comfortable at the coffee shop on friends

b) I would be comfortable at the coffee shop on Frasier

c) I would be comfortable at the coffee shop on Seinfeld

d) I’m stuck in the black lodge, my coffee has turned to sludge and a little person keeps dancing to jazz.

5. True or false: You’re a daisy if you do?

6. In your own words, please use someone else’s words to describe why you’d like to be selected for the cool kids of the forum club. (Extra points if you select a character from the Marx Brothers to write in as. Extra extra points if it’s Harpo)

That’s it. We wish you much success on your journey and look forward to your submission answers. 

Edited August 30, 2022 by damooch916
Take me home tonight. I don’t wanna let you go till you see the light. Take me home tonight. Listen honey, just like Ronnie sang.

[vickieito]

44 minutes ago, damooch916 said:

I’m noticing some glaring absences.

I wasn't sure if I was a "cool kid," but I did come in early and saw the donuts. 

Yes, there were donuts. However, the donuts were only around for the first 15 minutes. There were several boxes. It's amazing how quickly they disappear when you are all alone and waiting for the show to begin...

14 hours ago, newsmike said:

I was told there would be donuts, where the hell are the donuts? 

9 hours ago, smashradio said:

At least, @newsmike has brought up the very important point about donuts. They are indeed missing. I expect someone ate them all before we arrived. I won't point fingers. It wasn't me. 

When I saw these comments, I thought it was best to use my newfound "anonymous" mode to disappear and view this thread in secret. I was also hoping that everyone would eat all the blueberry scones and celery that @melanielm so generously brought (and forget about the donuts). It seemed like this was going according to plans after seeing @smashradio's comment on the meat shredders and @vickiespencer's comments on the meatballs and polka dotted bloomers.

Maybe then, I could creep into the meeting without feeling guilty.

But now I'm having second thoughts. It's nice just sitting back in anonymous mode and reading everyone's comments in secret. Perhaps I'll remain this way. Hopefully there's room for stowaways. I'll grab a couple of celery sticks so I can feel better about myself.