Strange News Stories from Around the World

[emmaki]

This post is inspired by this corker of a headline from the Daily Mail. The source is Paris Match (which has an awesome, punny headline). The story itself is pretty much in the image, but also shared this delightful nugget of interest: 

 

Quote

 

Intelligence-gathering via excrement collection is not a new venture by a world leader. In 2016, an ex-Soviet agent said he found evidence that Soviet Union leader Joseph Stalin had investigated founder of the People's Republic of China Mao Zedong by analysing his waste matter.

Igor Atamanenko told a Russian newspaper that in the 1940s Stalin's secret police set up a top secret laboratory to study people's faeces.

During Mao's 10-day visit to Russia in the winter of 1949, special toilets were set up for the Chinese leader's waste products to be collected and studied. Instead of being connected to sewers, those lavatories led to special boxes where Mao's stolls [sic] were whisked off for analysis.

 

Of course, nobody bats an eyelid when it comes to the English royal court's Groom of the Stool, which is pretty much the same thing if you think about it, although that was a very prestigious and much-coveted position due to the groom's close proximity to the monarch. Here's a bonus story from History about the shocking sanitation in European palaces in centuries past. So, is this weird paranoia from an allegedly insane megalomaniac or is Vlad continuing a fine old tradition? Could adult diapers with advanced AntiStink™ technology be a solution to Putin's foreign toilet woes and stop these embarrassing propaganda stories leaks from emerging?

More to the point, how exactly do you steal someone's poop without them noticing? I've been considering this for the past few minutes, and it seems rather challenging, especially when you take into consideration that stool samples deteriorate (i.e. analysis becomes less effective) over time and uh, collecting them isn't the cleanest of jobs. And sick people's digestive systems don't always deliver neat packages. It also seems unlikely that foreign toilets Putin uses have all been KGB'd up with poop collection devices. I also find myself wondering if they just use one special refrigerated poopcase with poopartments to *preserve the integrity* of the stool, or if they're more disposable affairs. And what do they do with it when its safely away from poop-loving Western hands? Is there a little Presidential poop graveyard or crematorium somewhere in Moscow?

There's just a lot of unanswered questions here.

Anyway, this is the thread to share and discuss strange news stories. 

[smashradio]

2 hours ago, emmaki said:

More to the point, how exactly do you steal someone's poop without them noticing? I've been considering this for the past few minutes, and it seems rather challenging, especially when you take into consideration that stool samples deteriorate (i.e. analysis becomes less effective) over time and uh, collecting them isn't the cleanest of jobs. And sick people's digestive systems don't always deliver neat packages. It also seems unlikely that foreign toilets Putin uses have all been KGB'd up with poop collection devices. I also find myself wondering if they just use one special refrigerated poopcase with poopartments to *preserve the integrity* of the stool, or if they're more disposable affairs. And what do they do with it when its safely away from poop-loving Western hands? Is there a little Presidential poop graveyard or crematorium somewhere in Moscow?

There's just a lot of unanswered questions here.

Anyway, this is the thread to share and discuss strange news stories. 

Ok, so here's the thing. You have to be really careful when doing this. If you get found out, you risk being labeled as a pervert. That could hinder you in your effort to collect poop down the line. 

First of all, you need a good disguise. You build a hidden room under the dedicated excrement-gathering-toilet. This is where you place the sophisticated Excrelector 2000 TM. 

Now, you just have to wait. If you wish to hasten the process, ask the subject if he wants gum. Provide him with Feen-a-Mint. 

After collecting the stool in your Excrelector 2000 TM - you need to carefully wrap it in the Stool-O-Bag Pro Intelligent Edition. This will allow for sufficient cooling during transport. 

It's really not that complicated, when you think about it. 

[theratypist]

I know this might be out of topic but it randomly got me thinking on how do we analyze our news sources in general.

(Not to question DailyMail on their article - I for one was entertained haha) 

https://my.lwv.org/california/torrance-area/article/how-reliable-your-news-source-understanding-media-bias-2022 

Edited June 12, 2022 by theratypist

[smashradio]

5 minutes ago, theratypist said:

I know this might be out of topic but it randomly got me thinking on how do we analyze our news sources in general.

(Not to question DailyMail on their article - I for one was entertained haha) 

https://my.lwv.org/california/torrance-area/article/how-reliable-your-news-source-understanding-media-bias-2022 

 

I always like to check the bias. Even if it's from the side I agree with on any particular matter, because I don't want to be in an echo chamber. I enjoy reading the other side's opinions or coverage. Usually, the truth is somewhere in the middle. 

[mikavirtanen]

9 hours ago, emmaki said:

This post is inspired by this corker of a headline from the Daily Mail. The source is Paris Match (which has an awesome, punny headline). The story itself is pretty much in the image, but also shared this delightful nugget of interest: 

 

Of course, nobody bats an eyelid when it comes to the English royal court's Groom of the Stool, which is pretty much the same thing if you think about it, although that was a very prestigious and much-coveted position due to the groom's close proximity to the monarch. Here's a bonus story from History about the shocking sanitation in European palaces in centuries past. So, is this weird paranoia from an allegedly insane megalomaniac or is Vlad continuing a fine old tradition? Could adult diapers with advanced AntiStink™ technology be a solution to Putin's foreign toilet woes and stop these embarrassing propaganda stories leaks from emerging?

More to the point, how exactly do you steal someone's poop without them noticing? I've been considering this for the past few minutes, and it seems rather challenging, especially when you take into consideration that stool samples deteriorate (i.e. analysis becomes less effective) over time and uh, collecting them isn't the cleanest of jobs. And sick people's digestive systems don't always deliver neat packages. It also seems unlikely that foreign toilets Putin uses have all been KGB'd up with poop collection devices. I also find myself wondering if they just use one special refrigerated poopcase with poopartments to *preserve the integrity* of the stool, or if they're more disposable affairs. And what do they do with it when its safely away from poop-loving Western hands? Is there a little Presidential poop graveyard or crematorium somewhere in Moscow?

There's just a lot of unanswered questions here.

Anyway, this is the thread to share and discuss strange news stories. 

That's my president! Proud of him!

an joke

Edited June 12, 2022 by mikavirtanen

[emmaki]

On 6/12/2022 at 1:30 PM, smashradio said:

It's really not that complicated, when you think about it. 

I see you're an expert when it comes to illicit poop collection. Have you thought about creating a Fiverr gig for that? Having just searched Fiverr for "poop" it's a surprisingly open market. There are quite a few perverts on the platform who don't exactly behave as if they know how to approach turd burgling the smart way, so it could be a winner. 

On 6/12/2022 at 6:45 PM, theratypist said:

(Not to question DailyMail on their article - I for one was entertained haha) 

The Daily Mail is a horrifically awful newspaper, but also my favorite one just because it's so awful. The hypocrisy! The awful politics! The blatant propaganda! The inanely dumb comments that accompany every story! The vitriol against anyone who isn't a white, middle class English man with questionable social viewpoints! The paper thin veneer of respectability that covers up the insanity compared to e.g. the Princess Diana and Brexit-obsessed Daily Express! 

On 6/12/2022 at 6:52 PM, smashradio said:

I always like to check the bias. Even if it's from the side I agree with on any particular matter, because I don't want to be in an echo chamber. I enjoy reading the other side's opinions or coverage. Usually, the truth is somewhere in the middle. 

Yes, it's always worth checking for bias and getting a bunch of different viewpoints on a single story. In the past few years I've also added a lot of alternative news and investigative journalists to my reading list for even more diverse opinion. I reckon this is particularly important considering the increasingly consolidated nature of the MSM. The rise of the term "fake news" is an interesting phenomenon in itself; all too often, people use the term to dismiss anything that doesn't fit their understanding of the world without doing any research into the possibility that the story is less black and white than presented (Ukraine and the impact of the accompanying sanctions is a good current example; how many people, know, for example, that there is ongoing diplomatic activity and peace talks in Turkey? Craig Murray has some great stuff on that). Possibly that's also a less desirable side effect of the social media echo chamber, both from algorithmic manipulation and blocking people who don't agree with you. None of this is particularly good for democracy (see: the whole idiotic Brexit saga).

On 6/12/2022 at 8:19 PM, mikavirtanen said:

That's my president! Proud of him!

an joke

The Daily Mail loves a show on Rossiya-1 that is always talking about how Russia is going to destroy the UK with its superior weapons. Sadly, I can't find an example story today but I'll update when I do as I am super-curious about how an average Russian might view the show, which (according to the DM) is a propaganda festival for the Dear Leader and his massive weapon(s). The last story I saw involved the Russian show excitedly talking about how Russia was going to bomb the Irish sea and create a huge tidal wave that would destroy the UK coast. It's possible that such an act would do the UK a favor, improving it somewhat. In any case, Britain is more than capable of torpedoing itself into the sea post-Brexit under the leadership of Johnson.

[frank_d]

Just dropping by to say "Hi Em!" 🙂 

 

[smashradio]

5 hours ago, emmaki said:

I see you're an expert when it comes to illicit poop collection. Have you thought about creating a Fiverr gig for that? Having just searched Fiverr for "poop" it's a surprisingly open market. There are quite a few perverts on the platform who don't exactly behave as if they know how to approach turd burgling the smart way, so it could be a winner. 

I have thought about it, yes! I believe becoming an expert in this field requires decades of experience. The competition is fierce in the intelligence business, but I see Fiverr has not yet entered into this untapped resource. I will surely make market research optimize gig ranking day by day up up up so you can congratulate me. 😄

As a journalist and editor-in-chief of my very own newspaper, I know all to well how opinions can color coverage. I've made it a point to always provide fact based information. But even when you provide pure facts without opinionated wording, the stories themselves can also affect bias. The stories we choose to write about matters just as much as the words we put down. 

That's one of the reasons why I started reading the newspapers on the other side: to find story ideas that weren't affected by my own bias. 

I'm a personal conservative liberalist. I apply conservative values to my own life, yet I'm not religious at all, and I'm a firm believer in personal responsibility and freedom to live your way as you see fit, as long as you don't stand in the way of other people's liberty to do the same. 

Whenever I see something that would make me angry or have some sort of emotional reaction, I'll always check all sides of the story I can get my hands on. I wish more people did that. Herd conformity and lack of perspective are not only counterproductive; it's dangerous. Echo-chambers will do that to you. 

Edited June 14, 2022 by smashradio

[mikavirtanen]

10 hours ago, emmaki said:

am super-curious about how an average Russian might view the show,

Sorry, I don't watch those shows.

In my previous comment I accurately described people who watch and enjoy this kind of shows, but it was removed🙁

Edited June 14, 2022 by mikavirtanen

[sarahcmcooper]

SO this is really specific... but I live in a really rural community and love to pick fun at the sorts of things that happen, that make the news around here. 

This was one from last year: https://www.shetnews.co.uk/2021/07/10/rucksack-reunited-with-its-owner/

Now when you actually look into it the rucksack was left on the top of some cliffs so people thought the owner had jumped off, fair enough. They hadn't thankfully. It still made me chuckle, I remember one of the top comments on social media when it was shared was just 'oh thank goodness I can sleep now' haha

[emmaki]

On 6/14/2022 at 11:53 AM, frank_d said:

Just dropping by to say "Hi Em!" 🙂 

 

Hi Frank! 

On 6/14/2022 at 4:13 PM, smashradio said:

As a journalist and editor-in-chief of my very own newspaper,

Oooh, is it in English? Can I see it? What do you write about? 

On 6/14/2022 at 9:51 PM, sarahcmcooper said:

I live in a really rural community and love to pick fun at the sorts of things that happen, that make the news around here. 

Ah, local British newspapers are a fertile source of non-news! Shetland must be particularly bereft of news to have lost rucksacks as a headline (and the assumption that suicide had taken place is interesting)! The only thing I can recall about Shetland right now is that really drippy/annoying Cameron fella from Big Brother was from there. I wonder if he still dines off his 20-year-old fame (probably not, I think he was/is a farmer)?

Edited June 18, 2022 by emmaki

[sarahcmcooper]

On 6/18/2022 at 6:05 PM, emmaki said:

Ah, local British newspapers are a fertile source of non-news! Shetland must be particularly bereft of news to have lost rucksacks as a headline (and the assumption that suicide had taken place is interesting)! The only thing I can recall about Shetland right now is that really drippy/annoying Cameron fella from Big Brother was from there. I wonder if he still dines off his 20-year-old fame (probably not, I think he was/is a farmer)?

He was actually from Orkney! Which is a set of islands just south of us. But we have Shetland ponies and Shetland sheepdogs, they make us a bit famous! Plus the fair isle pattern of knitting comes from here. 

But yes, no news. That week there was also a headline about a cafe closing due to a fly infestation (and they believed the flies came from Orkney) 😅

[emmaki]

On 6/20/2022 at 6:12 PM, sarahcmcooper said:

But yes, no news. That week there was also a headline about a cafe closing due to a fly infestation (and they believed the flies came from Orkney) 😅

Orkney, Shetland, it's all the Outer Hebrides to me 😉 Is it normal to blame other islands for fly infestations? It's just that I imagine it's quite windy up there, especially out at sea, and I can't see how flies would do cross-island travel. Perhaps they infested a ferry or something first, but it seems like that would also be headline news prior to the cafe to me, and possibly grounds for an epic biopic with a title that makes loose reference to Lord of the Flies (possibly the authorities bestow the title on the fly exterminator who goes through much hardship to rid the islands of the airborne menace etc). 

This is my favorite news story this week. It's been in a few national papers, but Ladbible helpfully provides a full video so we can enjoy the classy drunken brawl from the safety of our monitors. My favorite bit is the accidental boobpunch ("No! You're BATTERING me!") followed by a collapse into the puncher's crotch, which the video lovingly repeats with a slow-mo close-up zoom... twice. Excellent stuff.  

This, my friends, is the pinnacle of British culture and why we had a glorious empire. Probably. 

https://www.ladbible.com/community/mums-50th-birthday-turns-into-full-on-brawl-like-scenes-from-shamele-20220620

Naturally, the DM sent a reporter to get the full story - don't worry, everyone's best of mates again! 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10939445/Mother-50th-birthday-erupted-brawl-reveals-punched-boobs.html

Edited June 22, 2022 by emmaki
Pleasing to know that boobpunch is not on the bad word list :)

[iamsachmusic]

Oh my god. You are on the Forum again. When i was last active here... you were gone. And now you are here. How cool is that. I am very happy to see you. 😃

Hi. 

 

BTW, I am back too from my cave. 

[emmaki]

Semi-active.... it's the same 5 topics, over and over again, which isn't exactly enticing.... 

[anniejenkinson]

Someone may have made this quip earlier but there's so much in the thread, I can't begin to read it at 2 a.m. The first thought that came to mind was that it's Vladimir's Poo Tin.