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Weirdest Requests During the Pandemic


damooch916
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Hey all,
When I’m not busy satirizing the Fiverr Forum, I also do repetitive operations for currency. I call this venture, a “job (jahh-buh).”

I’m a professional songwriter. It’s a neat job, where you show up to music studios and artist’s residencies and prove your ability to rhyme things all while counting to four. Sometimes my job is to make your rhymes better rhymes. Other times, my job is to take one word from your initial concept, write a completely different concept, give you half the credit and allow you to feature this song on what used to be called “Albums (owl - buums).”

I am also a former staff writer and touring performer. Having pitched to many artists with record deals, a primitive concept wherein artists made actual money for having actual skills, from actual record companies (say - tun) I have had many humorous instances… and THAT is the theme of today’s post.

I want to hear the absolute weirdest request you’ve received during the pandemic.

Freelancing can get weird. Whether in person or in platform, we’ve all been asked for services that didn’t fit the descriptions of what we offer. I want to hear your stories. Remember, no names, no screenshots, no DNA samples, just tell us about some weirdness.

To kick us off, I will share one. Here is a retelling of a request I received less than a week ago:

"Hello,
I need you to write me a Christmas song. Can you do that? It needs to be a song that can be played during Christmas get togethers. I would very much like this song to not mention Christmas. I also don’t want any mention of the holidays. Like, no presents talk or decorations or anything like that. It’s not a Santa type song or a religious song. Also, we don’t get snow where I live so nothing about the weather or a specific month. Just a very Christmas based song. Something that only works during Christmas - just not about that. I need it in less than three days."

So, I wrote a 60’s song and recorded jingling bells over it.

Your turn. Tell me some weird requests that you’ve received during the pandemic.

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Last week must have been the end of the semester for high school kids, because I got many requests to do homework for kids.

One student attached images of a test and said simply, “Do Q1 - Q10.”

The next student attached what he called an “essay.” I replied that essays were typically assignments for school and asked if he had sent me an academic assignment. His answer was, “No.”

So, I took a peek at it. The first sentence said, “When I graduate from high school I plan…”

I told the student that his text was indeed an academic assignment and quoted him TOS which forbids me to do that type of work. (The little liar.🤥)

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Last week must have been the end of the semester for high school kids, because I got many requests to do homework for kids.

One student attached images of a test and said simply, “Do Q1 - Q10.”

The next student attached what he called an “essay.” I replied that essays were typically assignments for school and asked if he had sent me an academic assignment. His answer was, “No.”

So, I took a peek at it. The first sentence said, “When I graduate from high school I plan…”

I told the student that his text was indeed an academic assignment and quoted him TOS which forbids me to do that type of work. (The little liar.🤥)

Do you know what I could have done with that assignment?

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Well, I’m happy that everyone has such normal circumstances. It’s not interesting, but it’s not awful.

My client wanted me to create packaging for his ecological and environment friendly product that is mostly red and green.

That was the brief.

I did the designs, seven of them.

He replied that he doesn’t like i used colors green and red and he doesn’t want to see eco icons on packaging or nature or leaf or recycle or anything like that.

So, green red eco product. But do not use red or green or eco.

I canceled order, 200$.

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I had an order to do subtitles and transcription for some “course” videos, which I was told “several” times that I would get sued if they got leaked. Umm firstly, you know you are uploading them to a platform that I do not control right?

Anyway, to make matters worse, the course sounded like instructions for a cult. I don’t judge the content of the videos I transcribe, but this was just too difficult to sit through and had to cancel the order.

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I wish I had an interesting story to tell you guys, but I’m afraid I didn’t get a weird order.

This is the most “interesting” one I got recently; I was asked to translate a whole list of movie titles and the synopsis. I think there were about 40 movies or so, and that particular list was ALL western movies from the 40’s with guns and sheriffs and cowboys oh my.

At first I was having fun, but around movie #10 I got pretty bored since the synopsis was pretty much the same.

Usually there’s this young man ( a cowboy or a gunman wannabe), he goes to this town ( usually run by an evil sheriff), he falls in love with a girl ( usually very pretty and is the town mayor’s daughter), the evil sheriff wants to marry the girl ( of course), the girl’s father gets shot and killed (you’ll NEVER guess who the killer is), man swears revenge, kills the bad guy, marries the girl and they live happily ever after.

The corny cheesy titles like “Oklahoma Cyclone” and “Cowboy’s Revenge” was entertaining to translate though.

Sorry it this was boring for you guys.

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I wish I had an interesting story to tell you guys, but I’m afraid I didn’t get a weird order.

This is the most “interesting” one I got recently; I was asked to translate a whole list of movie titles and the synopsis. I think there were about 40 movies or so, and that particular list was ALL western movies from the 40’s with guns and sheriffs and cowboys oh my.

At first I was having fun, but around movie #10 I got pretty bored since the synopsis was pretty much the same.

Usually there’s this young man ( a cowboy or a gunman wannabe), he goes to this town ( usually run by an evil sheriff), he falls in love with a girl ( usually very pretty and is the town mayor’s daughter), the evil sheriff wants to marry the girl ( of course), the girl’s father gets shot and killed (you’ll NEVER guess who the killer is), man swears revenge, kills the bad guy, marries the girl and they live happily ever after.

The corny cheesy titles like “Oklahoma Cyclone” and “Cowboy’s Revenge” was entertaining to translate though.

Sorry it this was boring for you guys.

Sorry it this was boring for you guys.

You made me want to get into Westerns now. I love generic movies for some reason. I guess that is also why I love Steven Seagal.

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i got one where they wanted to hire me and 9 other artists to do 11 paintings each for 100 usd each painting. it was for an artsy movie somewhere in england. lots of blahblah and in the end i realized they were going to sell the movie to a theatre and only then they would pay me xD during the course of our conversation their account was deleted 2 times and they wrote from a similar one. they only kept asking me because their account was deleted each time before they could read my reply in which i answered that handing out contact information(they sent email adresses and so on) to me was against the tos and that i would in any case not work for (potentially) free.

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I had an order to do subtitles and transcription for some “course” videos, which I was told “several” times that I would get sued if they got leaked. Umm firstly, you know you are uploading them to a platform that I do not control right?

Anyway, to make matters worse, the course sounded like instructions for a cult. I don’t judge the content of the videos I transcribe, but this was just too difficult to sit through and had to cancel the order.

“cult instructions”…colour me intrigued =_= i am still waiting for some bananas sociopath to order something really messed up from my dark fantasy painting gig…

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“cult instructions”…colour me intrigued =_= i am still waiting for some bananas sociopath to order something really messed up from my dark fantasy painting gig…

I wish I could expand more. It probably wasn’t a cult, but it did fill that stereotype of people sitting around this one person and hanging on his every word. But I couldn’t help shaking my head at a few women in the “crowd” going “wooooww” in a mesmerised tone at some things being said by the speaker. Some of the things were “out there” and that’s coming from someone who believes in God, supernaturals, black magic etc.

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I was contacted about making coloring book pages, and when I asked what ages the buyer wanted the pages to be for, they said ‘universal’ for all ages. I mentioned that he needs to consider that kids (no income) are not his target market, but the parents. As such, he should have ‘for ages 2-4’ or the like, and mention as an example that US law has restrictions and standards when it comes to goods marketed to kids. The buyer expresses confusion and asks to help him understand the law. I point out that he contacted me about my artistic skill, not my business skill, and that if he can’t pick an age range, I’m not the seller for him.

Instead of that being the end though, he asks which of us is “in charge of the economic and entrepreneurial aspect”, says he’s already got a publishing contract, and then offers to buy it for my daughter. Aside the presumption that I have kids, I stay polite and focused and ask what the contract says about requirements. He then says he should hire me as a lawyer. After a flat out “I am not a lawyer” he then says he adores me and asks me to hire him (which I was willing to bush off as a language/translation issue). I again ask (politely) to find another seller, though mention that Fiverr search has a filter to search specific counties, in case he wants to find someone who might more easily understand local laws and more easily understand him. His messages got even more weird, and I outright say (less polite and more blunt) to find someone else.

His last message to me was… forward enough that I felt perfectly fine reporting it and blocking. In hindsight, due to that language barrier, I’ll admit curiosity about if he leaned English through soap operas, and his understanding the difference between flattering and flirting.

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I was contacted about making coloring book pages, and when I asked what ages the buyer wanted the pages to be for, they said ‘universal’ for all ages. I mentioned that he needs to consider that kids (no income) are not his target market, but the parents. As such, he should have ‘for ages 2-4’ or the like, and mention as an example that US law has restrictions and standards when it comes to goods marketed to kids. The buyer expresses confusion and asks to help him understand the law. I point out that he contacted me about my artistic skill, not my business skill, and that if he can’t pick an age range, I’m not the seller for him.

Instead of that being the end though, he asks which of us is “in charge of the economic and entrepreneurial aspect”, says he’s already got a publishing contract, and then offers to buy it for my daughter. Aside the presumption that I have kids, I stay polite and focused and ask what the contract says about requirements. He then says he should hire me as a lawyer. After a flat out “I am not a lawyer” he then says he adores me and asks me to hire him (which I was willing to bush off as a language/translation issue). I again ask (politely) to find another seller, though mention that Fiverr search has a filter to search specific counties, in case he wants to find someone who might more easily understand local laws and more easily understand him. His messages got even more weird, and I outright say (less polite and more blunt) to find someone else.

His last message to me was… forward enough that I felt perfectly fine reporting it and blocking. In hindsight, due to that language barrier, I’ll admit curiosity about if he leaned English through soap operas, and his understanding the difference between flattering and flirting.

I felt the cringe reading that!

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I’ve gotten outright cringe requests before, but this one was a gradual slide into weird over the course of a day and a half. The slowness of the degradation is my only excuse for not seeing the direction it was going, because it started out plenty fine and like a genuine interest in a purchase.

it makes me sad that only women have to deal with this on a regular basis…

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Sorry it this was boring for you guys.

You made me want to get into Westerns now. I love generic movies for some reason. I guess that is also why I love Steven Seagal.

I love generic movies for some reason.

Remember my coworker I mentioned, the one that keeps quoting Segal movies? Aside from Segal movies he’s watching Jean Claude Van Damme movies and he’s calling Bloodsport one of the greatest masterpieces. I’m guessing you’ve already seen that one too?

BTW my coworker is too young and haven’t seen ( or heard of) Enter the Dragon.

I hope you have!! 😅

And BTW @imagination7413, I’m SO sorry you had to deal with that person.

I hope his account gets banned…

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I love generic movies for some reason.

Remember my coworker I mentioned, the one that keeps quoting Segal movies? Aside from Segal movies he’s watching Jean Claude Van Damme movies and he’s calling Bloodsport one of the greatest masterpieces. I’m guessing you’ve already seen that one too?

BTW my coworker is too young and haven’t seen ( or heard of) Enter the Dragon.

I hope you have!! 😅

And BTW @imagination7413, I’m SO sorry you had to deal with that person.

I hope his account gets banned…

Remember my coworker I mentioned, the one that keeps quoting Segal movies?

Oh, yes, he sounds like the coolest guy! 😎

I have actually not watched Bloodsport, which I know is a major sin if I want to call myself an action movie fan.

Yes, I have watched Enter the Dragon multiple times. It is great! I think I have watched all the movies where Bruce Lee plays the lead. In fact, Bolo Yeung from Bloodsport is in Enter the Dragon as well. Perhaps your friend would watch the movie if he knew that? 😛

One of my husbands’ favorite old time movie genres.

Anything he can recommend? 🙂

As for weird requests, I keep being asked to act as a customer service representative for buyers wishing to open Danish language Shopify stores. And, yes, then there was the guy I mentioned in the other thread who didn’t care if his translation made sense or not since Google’s bots were going to check it when uploading it to the Google Play Store.

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Last week must have been the end of the semester for high school kids, because I got many requests to do homework for kids.

One student attached images of a test and said simply, “Do Q1 - Q10.”

The next student attached what he called an “essay.” I replied that essays were typically assignments for school and asked if he had sent me an academic assignment. His answer was, “No.”

So, I took a peek at it. The first sentence said, “When I graduate from high school I plan…”

I told the student that his text was indeed an academic assignment and quoted him TOS which forbids me to do that type of work. (The little liar.🤥)

The little liar

🙂 I was hired to do a poster that almost looked like a legit ad. They swore it was. Except at the very end it had contact information of the professor they needed to turn it over to once it was done. It was in fine print so I’m assuming they forgot to edit it out. Kids.

Someone has placed an order once without contacting me first (Fiverr’s Choice, sigh) and asked me to draw their family of 4 people. They’ve sent a photo of all of them standing together but then said that all of them had to have cat heads (the same cat head, actually) and different body types from what was shown in the picture (slimmer, taller, muscular, etc.) and different clothes.

When I asked why I was even sent the family photo and not the photo of the cat, they told me the cat head was coming up “hopefully today" and the other photo was a reference for the skin tones. Except it was a bright sunny day and all of them were standing in a deep, dark shadow. High contrast, impossible for me to even see the skin tone.

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I just have an order by a person who claims to be a doctor and he needs overlays for his medical site. He did not contact me prior to making the order but OK; doctor, medical site. But he ordered the image and he is mentioning to add music and smoke. And also he placed rush 24 delivery (and did not contact me before). So I reached out and he sends me it is for his medical gaming site and picture this:

I am mariner, marine officer who worked on ships, I teach sea survival and medical first aid, and he sends me video of him playing some game where he shots and kills people around ship. It made me physically sick to see that.

I send the dispute to CS to cancel order, since I clearly mention in my GIG description I do not create overlays for gamer (violent games with any kind of murder involved).

I can’t describe how sick I feel from his video.

EDIT: Thank you heavens for civil and kind and fast Customer support. They canceled his order. Hopefully he will stay away from me.

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Remember my coworker I mentioned, the one that keeps quoting Segal movies?

Oh, yes, he sounds like the coolest guy! 😎

I have actually not watched Bloodsport, which I know is a major sin if I want to call myself an action movie fan.

Yes, I have watched Enter the Dragon multiple times. It is great! I think I have watched all the movies where Bruce Lee plays the lead. In fact, Bolo Yeung from Bloodsport is in Enter the Dragon as well. Perhaps your friend would watch the movie if he knew that? 😛

One of my husbands’ favorite old time movie genres.

Anything he can recommend? 🙂

As for weird requests, I keep being asked to act as a customer service representative for buyers wishing to open Danish language Shopify stores. And, yes, then there was the guy I mentioned in the other thread who didn’t care if his translation made sense or not since Google’s bots were going to check it when uploading it to the Google Play Store.

Anything he can recommend? 🙂

Liberty Valance, The Searchers, True Grit, Rio Bravo, and The Sons of Katie Elder are John Wayne Westerns we enjoyed.

Then there is the Clint Eastwood movie, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

3:10 to Yuma, The Magnificent 7, and Once Upon a Time in the West are movies we have watched several times.

These will keep you viewing for awhile.

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Anything he can recommend? 🙂

Liberty Valance, The Searchers, True Grit, Rio Bravo, and The Sons of Katie Elder are John Wayne Westerns we enjoyed.

Then there is the Clint Eastwood movie, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

3:10 to Yuma, The Magnificent 7, and Once Upon a Time in the West are movies we have watched several times.

These will keep you viewing for awhile.

True Grit

One of the only Westerns I actually watched (the one with John Wayne, not the remake), and I really enjoyed it. So, I am sure looking forward to watching the rest of your recommendations if they are just as good! Thank you! 🙂

EDIT: Okay, today has been full of strange messages:

I have delivered a proofreading to a buyer who complained when it hadn’t been delivered after 14 hours. The delivery time stated was 3 days. Now, he is blaming me for his Shopify store not getting any new sales in the two hours since I sent him the file. I have never had such a crazy buyer. He is also claiming to be a self-made millionaire.

I have also had a buyer ask me to translate 700,000 words for him. I quoted him $40,000. I haven’t heard back.

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True Grit

One of the only Westerns I actually watched (the one with John Wayne, not the remake), and I really enjoyed it. So, I am sure looking forward to watching the rest of your recommendations if they are just as good! Thank you! 🙂

EDIT: Okay, today has been full of strange messages:

I have delivered a proofreading to a buyer who complained when it hadn’t been delivered after 14 hours. The delivery time stated was 3 days. Now, he is blaming me for his Shopify store not getting any new sales in the two hours since I sent him the file. I have never had such a crazy buyer. He is also claiming to be a self-made millionaire.

I have also had a buyer ask me to translate 700,000 words for him. I quoted him $40,000. I haven’t heard back.

There is an original 3:10 to Yuma too. Both are good, but we like the original best.

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