Weirdest Requests During the Pandemic

[zeus777]

Anything he can recommend? 🙂

Liberty Valance, The Searchers, True Grit, Rio Bravo, and The Sons of Katie Elder are John Wayne Westerns we enjoyed.

Then there is the Clint Eastwood movie, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly.

3:10 to Yuma, The Magnificent 7, and Once Upon a Time in the West are movies we have watched several times.

These will keep you viewing for awhile.

I’d personally add Rio Grande to that list!! 😃

Don’t know why, but I saw that movie SO many times when I was a kid.

LOVE the “ancient Roman” horse riding scene! 😉

( assuming you’ve seen that movie too…)

[vickiespencer]

I’d personally add Rio Grande to that list!! 😃

Don’t know why, but I saw that movie SO many times when I was a kid.

LOVE the “ancient Roman” horse riding scene! 😉

( assuming you’ve seen that movie too…)

( assuming you’ve seen that movie too…)

Yes, I have seen Rio Grande more than once. I love all of the movies with John Wayne a Maria O’Hara. Have you seen The Quiet Man, McLintok!, or Big Jake?

LOVE the “ancient Roman” horse riding scene! 😉

Are you talking about Ben Hur?

[helenabester]

True Grit

One of the only Westerns I actually watched (the one with John Wayne, not the remake), and I really enjoyed it. So, I am sure looking forward to watching the rest of your recommendations if they are just as good! Thank you! 🙂

EDIT: Okay, today has been full of strange messages:

I have delivered a proofreading to a buyer who complained when it hadn’t been delivered after 14 hours. The delivery time stated was 3 days. Now, he is blaming me for his Shopify store not getting any new sales in the two hours since I sent him the file. I have never had such a crazy buyer. He is also claiming to be a self-made millionaire.

I have also had a buyer ask me to translate 700,000 words for him. I quoted him $40,000. I haven’t heard back.

I have also had a buyer ask me to translate 700,000 words for him. I quoted him $40,000. I haven’t heard back.

:rofl: I love this! We need more people like you.

[ducktheunicorn]

I had an Instagram influencer ask me for an article about them to help their reputation. They sent me videos of them getting into fistfights on MTV reality shows, clips from music videos where they let artists humiliate them, and a terrible dating show episode that featured them being outright rude. I asked them if they had any redeeming qualities for me to include, or anything to show that he doesn’t deserve the bad rep. He placed the order anyway, and I did my best to spin every misstep in his favor, but he wasn’t happy with the result. He tried to cancel the order, but customer service sided with me on this one because there’s nothing I could have done to paint him in a better light with the references supplied.

I scoured the internet looking for just one clip, one story, one little blip on the radar of him possessing a heart, and all I found was more bad news. I tried not to hate this person, but the more I learned about him, the less I liked him.

By the way, he contacted me first and I told him I did not want to work with him. Then, he placed an order anyway.

[melanielm]

Apologies… these are from all time, not just during the pandemic.

1 – A client from 18 months earlier wanted me to rewrite my article for free since it was no longer current content for his blog.

2 – An article about a treadmill, but I could not mention the terms exercise equipment, fitness, health, weight loss, machine, or safety.

3 – Someone wanted me to rewrite actual parts of the christian bible to include more mysoginistic craziness… like super weird stuff about woman’s blood calling demons and certain body parts being tools of satan, etc. To each their own when it comes to religion, but yikes…

4 – A buyer wanted me to hand deliver a pack of 10 articles printed out to their home halfway across the country.

[imagination7413]

Did you quote them for all estimated travel, food, lodge expenses?

[andreaszubaran]

repost because people said it was a weird request too.

A buyer bought a piano recording gig and asked me to arrange a song for the piano.

I did that.

Now he says It was supposed to be a jazz arrangement and that it was not supposed to have the vocals. Oh, and by the way, transcribe the bass, even though you did state it was a different gig.

WAT? I’m a classical pianist, I barely know how to play a bebop scale with swing rhythm…

[damooch916]

I really love this thread.

Contrary to the facetious, pen scathing, weird wielder of irony that I perform here (due to popular demand, you see) I’m actually one of these “principled” people that will place moral code and honor above income. You can spot people like us by our lack of enormous riches, the thick must of regret that hangs above us and our unashamed quoting of Frank Sinatra,

“It’s your bird Charlie, fly it whatever kooky way you want.”

It’s easy to wear the mask of “virtual commission.” It expands the boundaries of things you would attempt because there’s some element of absenteeism after you’ve done your job. If I write with an artist in person (with in this case meaning, the artist tells me what kind of song they are looking for, they revert back to playing on their phone, I ignore their idea and write something market friendly, they return to the conversation and exclaim "Exactly!") in this realm we’re all going to have our name - and possibly our time attached to the affects of this endeavor.

With freelance, it would be easy to cosign any and all requests because of my strict rule to not list me in any feature, title or public setting. Writer’s credits only (using my real name Paul McCartney, thus ending the age old question - “did Paul die?” No, he didn’t - but that other guy is still a fake. The real Paul is right here on Fiverr. Posing as a keyboard playing, bodybuilding, forum ruining, commissioned and staff writer from NC).

Still there are barriers I won’t cross. Regardless of algorithm, statistics or compensation. Some demented, ethical old man lives in the cross wires of my imagination and spouts realisms at the worst possible time. If you’re a a plumber from the outer banks, needing to spend ten grand to make a 12 track album that professes your love of arachnids because you think it has commercial viability… I just can’t help but to explain the realities of market writing and getting songs passed the song plugger into the gatekeepers hands via entertainment attorneys - all to talk you out of it. If you’re willing to pay a thousand dollars as “up fronts” to purchase the writer’s access to writer royalties because you don’t understand mechanical royalties or audio master ownership… I’ll educate you, lose the money, chastise you for assuming the creator’s identity (the musical one, not the monotheist) and sacrifice the arc of the project. All for some inner crusade of virtue that no one is handing out awards for.

There seems to be a lot of folks in this thread, like myself, that have defined walls. Those are probably the same people with real world, professional credibility and working peers.

Congrats on our standards and self actualization.
Also, man are we dumb or what…

[damooch916]

repost because people said it was a weird request too.

A buyer bought a piano recording gig and asked me to arrange a song for the piano.

I did that.

Now he says It was supposed to be a jazz arrangement and that it was not supposed to have the vocals. Oh, and by the way, transcribe the bass, even though you did state it was a different gig.

WAT? I’m a classical pianist, I barely know how to play a bebop scale with swing rhythm…

WAT? I’m a classical pianist, I barely know how to play a bebop scale with swing rhythm…

I have exactly the opposite piano tracking gig. I’m a studio musician and track rock, soul, blues, funk, r&b, country…

I’m the guy you hire when you don’t know what you want, but you describe it as “make it real funky at 2 mins in.” People come to me because they don’t need a fundamental understanding of arrangement, theory or to be able to speak in the “live music language.”

It used to not be this way. Formally, live musicians spoke in a weird “half theory.” We knew scales, chords and arranged through a number system. Working with live bands and artists now is different. The basis of that “live language” is gone.

Recently, I went to an extremely prominent studio in Nashville where an artist was cutting some of my material. The studio musicians are a well known revolving door of guys that perform on ALL of the contemporary hits in the country music world. When I presented them with charts - they almost fell out of their chairs. They huddled and we all talked about the last time a writer/artist could direct a session. Some of them had never seen it at all. That’s all we need to know about the widening barrier of entry on what passes for professional.

[andreaszubaran]

WAT? I’m a classical pianist, I barely know how to play a bebop scale with swing rhythm…

I have exactly the opposite piano tracking gig. I’m a studio musician and track rock, soul, blues, funk, r&b, country…

I’m the guy you hire when you don’t know what you want, but you describe it as “make it real funky at 2 mins in.” People come to me because they don’t need a fundamental understanding of arrangement, theory or to be able to speak in the “live music language.”

It used to not be this way. Formally, live musicians spoke in a weird “half theory.” We knew scales, chords and arranged through a number system. Working with live bands and artists now is different. The basis of that “live language” is gone.

Recently, I went to an extremely prominent studio in Nashville where an artist was cutting some of my material. The studio musicians are a well known revolving door of guys that perform on ALL of the contemporary hits in the country music world. When I presented them with charts - they almost fell out of their chairs. They huddled and we all talked about the last time a writer/artist could direct a session. Some of them had never seen it at all. That’s all we need to know about the widening barrier of entry on what passes for professional.

That always makes my life hell. I read too many theory books and I used to think buyers would at least try to explain things in a logical manner.

Instead, they expect me to understand all styles and their vague explanations.

“Make it memorable”.

Cool, do I change the orchestration, motives, harmony, or what? Epic movie soundtrack or traditional stuff? Do you have any references?

Fortunately, when I get a buyer that did learn theory (even if it’s different styles, like Indian theory) communication gets INCREDIBLE easy.

[damooch916]

That always makes my life hell. I read too many theory books and I used to think buyers would at least try to explain things in a logical manner.

Instead, they expect me to understand all styles and their vague explanations.

“Make it memorable”.

Cool, do I change the orchestration, motives, harmony, or what? Epic movie soundtrack or traditional stuff? Do you have any references?

Fortunately, when I get a buyer that did learn theory (even if it’s different styles, like Indian theory) communication gets INCREDIBLE easy.

I’m in a weirder, hybrid place with it. Sometimes, a buyer that gives me one reference and allows that I play improvisational in that style is going to get a far better “take” than a buyer who attempts to arrange the life out of “soul” music.

It’s the exact opposed problem of songwriting. In composing and songwriting, more info is best. In tracking material - you’ve probably established your arrangement and patterns. Allowing me to do what’s best for the track is going to result in a better track. I know what I do better than the consumer.

I’m sure we see a huge cross section of requests and I’m sure we can both adequately get the job done. But it’s certainly important to know what you “don’t do.”

There’s a composer element to my freelancing and there’s a tracking element. They intersect in songwriting and it leans almost exclusively commercial.

No worries, in two years or so - plugins wont even need people to “write” piano scrolls. They’ll just submit piano concepts from their head via Bluetooth and get a full accompaniment. You and I better learn to play the drums and fast.

[kometbeats]

I’m in a weirder, hybrid place with it. Sometimes, a buyer that gives me one reference and allows that I play improvisational in that style is going to get a far better “take” than a buyer who attempts to arrange the life out of “soul” music.

It’s the exact opposed problem of songwriting. In composing and songwriting, more info is best. In tracking material - you’ve probably established your arrangement and patterns. Allowing me to do what’s best for the track is going to result in a better track. I know what I do better than the consumer.

I’m sure we see a huge cross section of requests and I’m sure we can both adequately get the job done. But it’s certainly important to know what you “don’t do.”

There’s a composer element to my freelancing and there’s a tracking element. They intersect in songwriting and it leans almost exclusively commercial.

No worries, in two years or so - plugins wont even need people to “write” piano scrolls. They’ll just submit piano concepts from their head via Bluetooth and get a full accompaniment. You and I better learn to play the drums and fast.

plugins wont even need people to “write” piano scrolls.

Check out Captain Chords.

You and I better learn to play the drums and fast.

You’re forgetting that Logic Pro X has “drummer tracks” 🤮 and somehow there are people that think that it actually sounds good.

[vickiespencer]

plugins wont even need people to “write” piano scrolls.

Check out Captain Chords.

You and I better learn to play the drums and fast.

You’re forgetting that Logic Pro X has “drummer tracks” 🤮 and somehow there are people that think that it actually sounds good.

there are people that think that it actually sounds good.

But not as good as electric drums.

[damooch916]

plugins wont even need people to “write” piano scrolls.

Check out Captain Chords.

You and I better learn to play the drums and fast.

You’re forgetting that Logic Pro X has “drummer tracks” 🤮 and somehow there are people that think that it actually sounds good.

Oh I’m aware of the depths to which plugins have replaced us, in ways that would challenge most people’s ideas of their favorite artists forever.

My colleagues are at no lack of giddiness when outting the A list for their inabilities.

I mentioned drums because live pickers get work. Guitarists and drummers are seemingly safe as of now.

To be fair, I get a ton of tour work when I activate myself - so it’s not as bad as I’m making it. On the other hand, it’s far far worse than is consumable for non musicians to learn of.

[zeus777]

( assuming you’ve seen that movie too…)

Yes, I have seen Rio Grande more than once. I love all of the movies with John Wayne a Maria O’Hara. Have you seen The Quiet Man, McLintok!, or Big Jake?

LOVE the “ancient Roman” horse riding scene! 😉

Are you talking about Ben Hur?

Are you talking about Ben Hur?

I’ve seen Ben Hur too of course, but I was referring to the scene where Tyree and Sandy rode the two horses standing up. That was quite a scene.

700,000 words for him. I quoted him $40,000.

Sounds fair enough, if it was for business translation, I’d charge more!!!

“Make it memorable”.

I get those extremely vague requests too.

Thing is, if you create something really, REALLY terrible, so terrible you’ll never forget it, that does qualify as “memorable” too…???

[ducktheunicorn]

I got an even weirder one today… here’s the gist of the message with the buyer name taken out.

I’m running a project that has to do with writing a large number of short stories maybe 1-6 full sentences. And need the stories written in many kinds of creative context such as an alien talking to a human or lion and a rock. More variations the better.

Each story must be captivating and more importantly defines a word almost directly. For example “Kindness” can be a Tree and Air and a story of kindness. Its more of a wildly creative project that defines a word (have a whole list of words). So the only rule is it must represent a dictionary definition of the word so its understood this represents kindness and can be felt/connected if the person reading it is a kind person.

[vickiespencer]

I got an even weirder one today… here’s the gist of the message with the buyer name taken out.

I’m running a project that has to do with writing a large number of short stories maybe 1-6 full sentences. And need the stories written in many kinds of creative context such as an alien talking to a human or lion and a rock. More variations the better.

Each story must be captivating and more importantly defines a word almost directly. For example “Kindness” can be a Tree and Air and a story of kindness. Its more of a wildly creative project that defines a word (have a whole list of words). So the only rule is it must represent a dictionary definition of the word so its understood this represents kindness and can be felt/connected if the person reading it is a kind person.

Hmm, that sounds like a homework assignment I used to give where the students were supposed to draw a picture of what the vocabulary word meant. It made the kids think more about the word and I could tell from their pictures if they understood its meaning.

[ducktheunicorn]

Hmm, that sounds like a homework assignment I used to give where the students were supposed to draw a picture of what the vocabulary word meant. It made the kids think more about the word and I could tell from their pictures if they understood its meaning.

Interesting, I told them I wasn’t the right writer for their project but I didn’t even think about this possibly being a homework assignment.