Buyer wants to cancel because i called her sir

[thatwordchick]

A very easy way around it is to introduce yourself first! “Hello, I’m John, and it’s very nice to meet you! Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

If you really want to be accurate, you could include your pronouns in your introduction, although I’ll acknowledge that not every culture is embracing gender concepts equally at this point in time - it’s become fairly mainstream in the US at this point. Most of my professional online presence has “She/Hers” included in my bio, email signatures, etc. My questionnaires have options for binary, non-binary, and opt out/free form identities so that my clients are always comfortable.

I’ve gathered at this point that “dear” is extremely common among Indian and Pakistani freelancing peers, and it’s usually the men using it from the very first message. If any of them are reading this, understand that “Dear”, as a form of address, is an affectionate/overly familiar term in American English - it will really rub a freelancer the wrong way in a professional setting. Among two people of the same age, it would be similar to “darling” or “beloved” - for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Elders may use it platonically to show affection for children or grandchildren - “It’s so nice to see you, my dear!”. And, of course (and I admit confusingly) we use it to open a letter - “Dear Bob, I’m writing today to talk to you about important business matters.” - in a letter, it doesn’t have these overly affectionate tones.

[enunciator]

A very easy way around it is to introduce yourself first! “Hello, I’m John, and it’s very nice to meet you! Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

If you really want to be accurate, you could include your pronouns in your introduction, although I’ll acknowledge that not every culture is embracing gender concepts equally at this point in time - it’s become fairly mainstream in the US at this point. Most of my professional online presence has “She/Hers” included in my bio, email signatures, etc. My questionnaires have options for binary, non-binary, and opt out/free form identities so that my clients are always comfortable.

I’ve gathered at this point that “dear” is extremely common among Indian and Pakistani freelancing peers, and it’s usually the men using it from the very first message. If any of them are reading this, understand that “Dear”, as a form of address, is an affectionate/overly familiar term in American English - it will really rub a freelancer the wrong way in a professional setting. Among two people of the same age, it would be similar to “darling” or “beloved” - for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Elders may use it platonically to show affection for children or grandchildren - “It’s so nice to see you, my dear!”. And, of course (and I admit confusingly) we use it to open a letter - “Dear Bob, I’m writing today to talk to you about important business matters.” - in a letter, it doesn’t have these overly affectionate tones.

it’s become fairly mainstream in the US at this point

As a person who’s lived in rural parts of the US for decades, I would not wholeheartedly concur with that assessment. It may be interpreted as ridiculous, PC, or quite literally as a joke to not-a-small number of people.

The intention may be sincere, but the interpretation may vary widely.

[thatwordchick]

it’s become fairly mainstream in the US at this point

As a person who’s lived in rural parts of the US for decades, I would not wholeheartedly concur with that assessment. It may be interpreted as ridiculous, PC, or quite literally as a joke to not-a-small number of people.

The intention may be sincere, but the interpretation may vary widely.

Well, you have a point. I’m in North Carolina and I use it pretty reflexively at this point, but I’m also originally from New Jersey and we’re extremely diverse (and, some might say condescendingly, “woke”) up there. I see it every day in my business dealings, but if you’re in a deep south or rural area it’s probably a lot less common, you’re correct. Would it be fair to say “metropolitan areas?” (e.g. New York, Boston, Seattle, etc)

It’s up to every freelancer to make the decision if they want to put that out there. For me, it’s more important to me to make a non-binary or trans* client feel comfortable and welcome than it is risking losing a few hard right / conservative / transphobic clients in the shuffle. 🙂

[enunciator]

Well, you have a point. I’m in North Carolina and I use it pretty reflexively at this point, but I’m also originally from New Jersey and we’re extremely diverse (and, some might say condescendingly, “woke”) up there. I see it every day in my business dealings, but if you’re in a deep south or rural area it’s probably a lot less common, you’re correct. Would it be fair to say “metropolitan areas?” (e.g. New York, Boston, Seattle, etc)

It’s up to every freelancer to make the decision if they want to put that out there. For me, it’s more important to me to make a non-binary or trans* client feel comfortable and welcome than it is risking losing a few hard right / conservative / transphobic clients in the shuffle. 🙂

I’m actually in California, which is as open-minded as it gets to adopting these sorts of things, but am in a part of California which is really more like Oklahoma in terms of social norms and traditions, not that there is anything inherently wrong or backwards about that. That’s more of a philosophical and social debate over the divide between the urban and rural bubbles of the perception of reality that the majority of people cannot or are unwilling to see through.

Personally, I don’t want to offend, insult, or alienate any potential client, as that would be self-defeating in terms of being a freelancer running a small business and trying to appeal to as many people as possible.

[hmmirazulislam]

What can I call you that will benefit our work and our relationship will be friendly and lasting?

Ooof. That’s completely unnecessary and may be interpreted as being slightly odd or presumptuous.

Safest bet is to simply use their user name or structure your responses in a manner that gender specific nouns/pronouns aren’t necessary. Heck, I think the only pronoun I really use in responding to buyers is “you” and unless something recently changed, I think that is still considered an inoffensive and neutral word.

Thank you. I will follow your instructions in future

[hmmirazulislam]

Totally.

I was about to say the same. I would really not be happy if a seller or buyer asked what they should call me. They can write to me perfecty well without needing to create some kind of intimate relationship with me–and if they really feel a compulsion to use a name for some reason, they can refer to me by my username, in full.

On this platform, I see no need for anyone to get into names and as for “what can I call you that will benefit our work” (which someone said)–ugh, absolutely NOT.

Why would a name benefit the work, unless they plan to try and sweet-talk me into something, ha, like the guy who wrote asking me to marry him.

I ask it when I see the Username like that (videoexpert, coderexpert, etc). But in the future, I will follow your instructions. Thank you

[barrisam]

Your buyer overreacted. But i’ll still suggest you cancel. If you don’t she could give you more problems after the job is done or ask for multiple revisions. She seems very volatile.

Also, try not use sir/ma/dear with prospective buyers or even returning ones. Since buyers come from all the world, you can’t be sure if these terms are cringey where they come from. Call them by their usernames or nothing at all.

[imagine_skies]

Ask Customer Support to Cancel the Order without affecting your account …due to Not Submitting requirements

[blogger2012]

it remind me when I still using skyp, and some ppl call me ** hi dear**, and i said to him, ok bro shut up! I don’t like when you called me dear! lol hahaha, :rofl:
after a few day, I got client , and I said to my client, whats up bro! and he said hey mister I am not gangster! hahahhaa!
my point is, sometime mistakes happen, that’s ok, as long we do research and have good skill, there’s always be nice client! if they don’t like us, leave them and walk away! or apologize, if you really need them!

[pvitalsolutions]

A very easy way around it is to introduce yourself first! “Hello, I’m John, and it’s very nice to meet you! Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

If you really want to be accurate, you could include your pronouns in your introduction, although I’ll acknowledge that not every culture is embracing gender concepts equally at this point in time - it’s become fairly mainstream in the US at this point. Most of my professional online presence has “She/Hers” included in my bio, email signatures, etc. My questionnaires have options for binary, non-binary, and opt out/free form identities so that my clients are always comfortable.

I’ve gathered at this point that “dear” is extremely common among Indian and Pakistani freelancing peers, and it’s usually the men using it from the very first message. If any of them are reading this, understand that “Dear”, as a form of address, is an affectionate/overly familiar term in American English - it will really rub a freelancer the wrong way in a professional setting. Among two people of the same age, it would be similar to “darling” or “beloved” - for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Elders may use it platonically to show affection for children or grandchildren - “It’s so nice to see you, my dear!”. And, of course (and I admit confusingly) we use it to open a letter - “Dear Bob, I’m writing today to talk to you about important business matters.” - in a letter, it doesn’t have these overly affectionate tones.

I’ve gathered at this point that “dear” is extremely common among Indian and Pakistani freelancing peers

Well I wont agree to this. I got contacted by many Americans and Russians even who started the conversation with ‘‘Dear’’. Keeping in mind that English is not a native language for Indians and Pakistanis. But Indians and Pakistanis are trying their best to learn English. I have never seen any American speaking in Urdu or Hindi.

it’s usually the men using it from the very first message.

Its up to you, how you think what that word means. We Pakistanis and Indians are open-hearted, friendly. I agree that as a professional, one should use a formal greetings, like hello or like you stated:

Hello, I’m John, and it’s very nice to meet you! Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

But pointing out some nation is not appreciated. I am aware that you are a professional writer but that does not mean to teach/help others by means of indirect insult.

Hope you got my point.

[thatwordchick]

I’ve gathered at this point that “dear” is extremely common among Indian and Pakistani freelancing peers

Well I wont agree to this. I got contacted by many Americans and Russians even who started the conversation with ‘‘Dear’’. Keeping in mind that English is not a native language for Indians and Pakistanis. But Indians and Pakistanis are trying their best to learn English. I have never seen any American speaking in Urdu or Hindi.

it’s usually the men using it from the very first message.

Its up to you, how you think what that word means. We Pakistanis and Indians are open-hearted, friendly. I agree that as a professional, one should use a formal greetings, like hello or like you stated:

Hello, I’m John, and it’s very nice to meet you! Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

But pointing out some nation is not appreciated. I am aware that you are a professional writer but that does not mean to teach/help others by means of indirect insult.

Hope you got my point.

It wasn’t intended as an insult, friend. It was an observation. I assumed that in your native language (Urdu, etc.) there was some equivalent to “dear” that sounded natural and not overly familiar, but lost something in the translation to English. Just translating the words between languages doesn’t always suffice to convey meaning, and in some cases not understanding what a direct translation really means can hurt first impressions. I say the same thing about the tendency (same language / region) to use the word “texts”, and explain that to an American ear that refers to SMS messages, not several blog posts or articles.

[enunciator]

“Dear” is commonly used in formally written or typed physically mailed letters, not really for online emails and messaging.

In other contexts, “dear” would be used as a word to convey personal familiarity or even intimacy, but there are regions in the United States where “dear” is more commonly used and it wouldn’t be surprising to be called that by a waitress or person in customer service.

[melanielm]

There is a difference between…

Dear John,
and
Hello, dear.

The first one is (in the USA) a normal letter greeting. The second is not good, overly familiar, and many consider it creepy.

[psykkopatte]

If there is something I really hate, are buyers who DM me with “hi bro”, like, “bro”.
Heu, no, I’m not your bro at all…
I mean, I’m 24 years old, I like to speak “normal” to people in not being someone talking like a professional robot using enterprise sentences 24/7 but I really don’t support this word when they don’t know the person they are going to work with, I have trust problems when i see this, and it often confirm that the person is a scammer, someone not serious or someone who can’t afford my services.

[enunciator]

Chillax bro! Grab a brewski, my broski and we can take a radical road trip to celebrate Spring break!

I’ll stop. 🤐

[katakatica]

This is interesting - would I ever cancel an order because someone called me ‘sir’? Definitely not but I would definitely correct them. Something that I’ve noticed a lot while travelling (Asia, Europe and the US for 4 years) is that different countries have different customs - and that’s fine! But the same phrase you might use out of politeness can easily feel weird to others (when I’m with friends I do use a lot of slang, even got called out once for it when I was in France!) and it’s just easier to stick to the target language’s standards/rules… I do realize that this might seem unnatural/rude if this is normal where you’re from, but it’s just how it is.

[efiayeboaa]

This is interesting - would I ever cancel an order because someone called me ‘sir’? Definitely not but I would definitely correct them. Something that I’ve noticed a lot while travelling (Asia, Europe and the US for 4 years) is that different countries have different customs - and that’s fine! But the same phrase you might use out of politeness can easily feel weird to others (when I’m with friends I do use a lot of slang, even got called out once for it when I was in France!) and it’s just easier to stick to the target language’s standards/rules… I do realize that this might seem unnatural/rude if this is normal where you’re from, but it’s just how it is.

Yes, I really understand and thank you so much

[efiayeboaa]

Your buyer overreacted. But i’ll still suggest you cancel. If you don’t she could give you more problems after the job is done or ask for multiple revisions. She seems very volatile.

Also, try not use sir/ma/dear with prospective buyers or even returning ones. Since buyers come from all the world, you can’t be sure if these terms are cringey where they come from. Call them by their usernames or nothing at all.

Thank you so much, I’ll keep that in mind

[eileen_lue]

I’ve been called dear, sir, dear sir, dude, buddy so many times… I lost count.

Haha I think “Hello” beyond all of these :rofl:

[psykkopatte]

Chillax bro! Grab a brewski, my broski and we can take a radical road trip to celebrate Spring break!

I’ll stop. 🤐

Rather like “Hi bro, ima need a freaking video editor to do a madafaka sick job yo, I have twitch clips of my turbo big plays on CSGO man” :rofl: