Don't call people "DEAR."

[fonthaunt]

Reply to @david388: I totally agree with you as well, David. I think that is what makes this whole issue a “teaching moment.” For those who are non native speakers, if they can learn that this wording is usually inappropriate, it may actually help their sales.

[zeus777]

belengarcia said: It'd be great if somebody from one of those countries could bring some light about this, because I automatically mistrust buyers or sellers that call me dear, because it sounds creepy to me, and maybe is just an unjustified prejudice of mine.

Very true, I'd like to know that too. From my experience, the ones that tends to use "dear" are people from certain areas, maybe in those countries it's normal. I'm sure those people mean no harm or disrespect, but I tend to creep out and not trust them, and I'm aware this is not fair for them. One little word, and they lose trust. That's pretty harsh.

[fonthaunt]

Reply to @zeus777: I have wondered this many times as well. I have asked general questions on threads to see if I could determine why this habit persists. I have suggested that it might be from some sort of ESL classes, books about Fiverr or freelancing in general, etc. No one who regularly uses the word “dear” has ever responds to my questions so after months of asking, I still don’t know how this came to be.

[sincere18]

Reply to @misscrystal: I think it’s a language barrier. So people should not take it too personally, and don’t take it as condescending. People learning English learn that to write a proper letter you start it with
Dear Miss Crystal,

They aren’t teaching texting language in English classes and people that are not native to English have no idea about the sublties of the meaning of this and how we use it in our day to day language.

[sincere18]

Reply to @zeromark: yes, though keep in mind that non-natives do not necessarily realize that Dear-name is different than name-dear, just look at how many non-Americans put the dollar sign AFTER the amount of money. Same difference I think.

[sincere18]

Reply to @zeus777: yes, but non-natives do not know that? They are taught that Dear Sir is proper so they learn that “Dear” Is a proper thing. Do you really think that people that are non-native that don’t speak and write fluent English really know the difference?

[fonthaunt]

Reply to @sincere18: The reason it is different is that the information about not using certain words could really help sellers who may lose sales over this issue. I don’t think many people would decide not to work with a seller (or buyer) over the position of the dollar sign.

People who don’t understand or are just annoyed may actually change their minds about a transaction if they are addressed in a way that seems unprofessional or too-familiar.

I don’t see this thread as a way of being harsh to people who use the word dear or other inappropriate words. I see this thread as a way of explaining to them how the word should and should not be used. It may save a transaction that could otherwise go sour.

[zeus777]

Reply to @sincere18:
I am not a native English speaker myself, and when I was in junior high school back home in Japan, the teachers told us to start letters with “Dear so and so,” so yes, we are taught that dear is proper. And I think it is. Calling someone dear is the problem, and the whole point of this post was to let people know that.
I’m hoping that this thread will make people notice that and be a bit more
aware when they decide to send messages in the future. That’s why I decided to put
this post in the “tips for sellers” category. A first I was thinking of putting it in the
ranting pot, saying “Don’t call me dear!! I’m not your daughter!!” but that will be unfair to non-native speakers because I’m sure they meant no harm.
I wish there was a clear way to explain this…

[zeromark]

Reply to @sincere18: I agree that it may be a similar, although even though I know that putting the dollar sign should be done before the number, I sometimes put it after. I don’t know, just the way my mind works, so sometimes I just don’t notice it. Also it doesn’t really bother me when others do it unlike someone spamming “dear” in a message to sound more polite :)]

Hopefully more people see the message and realize it CAN bother some people and not take it as an offense. Doubt that was the intention of the OP and it’s definitely not mine either!

[zeus777]

zeromark said: Doubt that was the intention of the OP and it's definitely not mine either!

Thank you!!

[thepromogirl]

I let things like this slide because often times, it’s because people are using translators or because it’s customary in a lot of languages. Like kissing on the cheek when greeting someone. There are so many bigger things to fret over.

My biggest peeve when it comes to messages is, guys messaging me only to hit on me. Whether it be commenting on my looks or even just flat out asking me if I have boyfriend or would like to their girlfriend. Um, what? That and people messaging me only to try and get me to buy their Gigs (impersonal sales pitch and all).

[emmaki]

Dear oh dear, dear.

Would you like a nice cup of tea?

[emmaki]

Of all the things to worry about on Fiverr you pick a quirk of dialect. I mean, really.

[zeus777]

Reply to @emmaki:
Yes, with some biscuits please 😃

[humanissocial]

I’ve never had a positive experience with a client on Fiverr who has called me Dear in a message. They are always rude, not ready to be in business, they don’t understand marketing and they don’t communicate well. In other words, they’re just plain difficult and it’s not worth my time or energy.

Until yesterday, I used to let the “Dear” thing slide because it seemed to be more of a cultural difference than anything else, but I see a pattern now and I’m trusting my gut from now on and not doing orders for people who call me Dear.

[humanissocial]

Reply to @zeus777: yes, but non-natives do not know that? They are taught that Dear Sir is proper so they learn that “Dear” Is a proper thing. Do you really think that people that are non-native that don’t speak and write fluent English really know the difference?

I think it’s always important to be conscious of and sensitive to cultural differences, but the “Dear thing” really is rude and unprofessional. If you want to do business with people in the west, I think it’s important to learn the right customs.

[garythomas9501]

Calling someone you don’t know well “dear” is condescending. If you are not a native english speaker look up the word.

 

 

 

If someone trying to sell me something on fiverr called me “dear” I would be wondering why they were trying to pretend to be close to me.

Exactly what i was going to say, Condescending!

[dearartpkp]

Don’t call people “DEAR” because that’s my Nickname lol 😅

[jahidcsediu]

thinking matter.
:thinking:

[richardbloch]

I’ve never had a positive experience with a client on Fiverr who has called me Dear in a message. They are always rude, not ready to be in business, they don’t understand marketing and they don’t communicate well. In other words, they’re just plain difficult and it’s not worth my time or energy.

Until yesterday, I used to let the “Dear” thing slide because it seemed to be more of a cultural difference than anything else, but I see a pattern now and I’m trusting my gut from now on and not doing orders for people who call me Dear.

I’ve never had a positive experience with a client on Fiverr who has called me Dear in a message.

In my experience, the most individuals who called me “Dear” in a correspondence were from South Asia and Middle East - it could be just a cultural thing for them.

I’ve had amazing experiences with them, very modest, sincere, great buyers. Most usually gave me clear instructions, reasonable demands and made sure to show their appreciation for my efforts by leaving a feedback.

So different experience… But such is our world.

[bobshaw23]

I have a client who calls me dear. Put me off at first, but she orders a lot from me. As long as those orders keep coming, she can call me PoopyPants for all I care. 😉

[sudais299]

I understand your frustration but Fiverr being a global platform has all kinds of users who may not realise your point and may find it perfectly fine to call someone ‘dear’.

[danielfv0]

how about "Hi bro" ! 😀
can’t stop laughing.

[sharoonamin]

Thank you SO much for this post. My Granny called me dear and it was nice. If another buyer or seller calls me that, it’s weird. I don’t care for Sir but I agree that it is an attempt at professionalism. Another one that turns me off fast is “bro.” I’m not anyone’s brother, bro, or especially brah.

That is part of a cultural thing, especially people coming from Asian culture in sheer respect they call someone brother sister. Even many buyers from states even call you bro when it come to negotiating price. So i guess its more of a cultural phenomena.

[sharoonamin]

Maybe I should edit the post and make it more clear…but yes, like fonthaunt and zeromark said, things like Dear sir, Dear ma’am, Dear Mr.Smith, is OK.

Hello dear, how are you?

Dear, I need a quote.

Yes dear, I need 3 samples

THESE are not OK.

Its actually taught in business writing to write salutation as dear madam or dear sir because Respected sir or madam is typically used to address authority with superior credentials. I guess its better to avoid any word which have different interpretations in cultures.