My Finest Message Yet. You Know It's Sarcasm

[jake_hopkins]

Hehe. I just had another - some would say terrifying, others would say exciting, I would say comical - experience from those strange people that message you. Now, this is exciting.

I’m going to break down each message individually just to express my thoughts on each one, as this is a beast.

Yes, I’m alive. Has to be my favourite way of greeting somebody.

I really hoped that ‘I’m fine’ would account for ‘I’m alive’.

Ooh, a trilogy. Really spoiling me now. The line ‘soz for CAPS LOCK !’ makes me want to cry.
And, do I need to get started on ‘are you a UK?’

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‘Never boasts its’
Are we Gollum?
‘Ha eh’
I’m assuming by ‘I wants fast days arrival’ he means he wants an express delivery.

I didn’t realise ‘lots of words’ was a type of book. And then, we reach the authors.

Did he think or something that an established author such as Tolkien, was going to write for him?
For those who don’t know, Tolkien died in the 70s. And, who is “GRMRR”? Do you mean GRRM (George R.R. Martin)? Who wrote Game of Thrones? As I will never forgive him for killing Ned…

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What did he expect? And what is a ‘HARDCORIAN’?

I feel abused…

[oliverswinburne]

This. Is. Comedic. Genius. I’m getting Joe Lycett vibes…

Not nice having to deal with this though! I’m presuming you accepted the gig and are now happily working on a sequal?

[visualstudios]

Lovely as always. Keep 'em coming!

[Guest humanissocial]

This buyer has no idea what ghostwriting is.

He clearly thinks it means you specialize in mythical fantasy. :rofl:

He also may be tripping balls while reading The Hobbit.

[Guest fibocci]

How do they even manage to write with such incoherency? Did they actually type that in while sober?

[tiakovolana]

you will meet the end of you in me?

[jake_hopkins]

This. Is. Comedic. Genius. I’m getting Joe Lycett vibes…

Not nice having to deal with this though! I’m presuming you accepted the gig and are now happily working on a sequal?

Not quite, I’m afraid.

[audioboon]

He reminds me of Ali G.

[joshvoices4you]

I have never been so thankful that I quit the writing business, I’m so sorry, good luck, that was painful to read through!

[arcticmus3]

Legendary stuff, I wish I got more entertaining messages like this and not just usual spam. At least this is entertaining!!!

[Guest caesar_english]

This person thought you could summon spirits of dead authors to get them to write stories for them. THIS IS THE BEST THING I’VE EVER READ.

Please never change the title of that Gig, it will provide plenty of entertainment for lonely working nights.

Ps: someone should tell them Martin is still alive. Bet you would make their day!

[nikavoice]

OMG, that’s funny. The captions were spot on. 🤭

[quiterude0]

This feels like such a facepalm…