So this happened... did I do the right thing?

[mjaninea]

Sharing with you another experience.

One of my gigs is to be someone’s personal stylist and consultant. It’s a very delicate gig to my opinion, because styles vary from person to person. But I love fashion and I love helping people to feel confident about themselves.

So, I received a message from a buyer who wanted advices on MEN’S UNDERWEAR… Okay. First of all, I’m a girl and know very little about styling a man’s underwear… I told him so and also told him that I would still give it a try. So I asked him about his budget, if he has a specific desired style, the brands he wants… he mentioned brands I do not know. I tried anyway and made a research, but seriously, I couldn’t decide on which underwear was good and which not. So, after an hour I sent him a message saying I couldn’t do it. He never placed an order because I wanted to first check if I could really help him. I didn’t like his reply, he said that’s not how stylists are, being picky on what to consult about. I replied saying that stylists have different fields of expertise. And I was just being honest, I could have faked it, made him place an order and made him wait for my delivery just to send him something he might not like.

What do you think? I’m open to constructive criticism!

[vibronx]

You did the right thing. Just because you are a seller on Fiverr, it does not mean you have to agree to every order request. You have the right to say no.

Also, in my opinion, it is a bit weird to ask for advice specifically on men’s underwear, to say the least. I think maybe he got angry because he was “excited” to have a woman help him choose his underwear. He did not like having his “fantasy” destroyed by you telling him no. That is my interpretation, anyway.

[sandrineisen]

Hi @mjaninea

I agree with @vibronx we have the right to express ourselves and say no to a project we don’t feel comfortable with.
Besides, the situation is weird for many reasons.
First, you tell your potential buyer that you don’t have the expertise, and he didn’t back up saying: “Ok, it’s fine. I’ll deal with another Fiverr seller that does.” If he really wanted to have serious stylish pieces of advice about his male underwear well that would have been a possible attitude.
Second, his reaction when you refuse to go further in the order’s process. I feel he was somehow trying to make you feel guilty like you lack professionalism or something related. Obviously, you did the right thing by telling the truth.

I think you did what your instinct told you was better. Some buyers are just weird, and it’s better to not work with them for our own safety and peace of mind.

[miiila]

So, I received a message from a buyer who wanted advices on MEN’S UNDERWEAR… Okay. First of all, I’m a girl and know very little about styling a man’s underwear

I think this is a weird argument. A man’s reason to consult a female stylist might be very well due to wanting a female take on things, as he knows his own opinion as a male already. Being a woman, I don’t see why I shouldn’t be able to tell a man which look would suit him (in my opinion; style is just an opinion and subjective in any case), and vice versa, I might rather want to hear a man’s opinion on my clothes and style, than another woman’s.

However, if the issue is the underwear, or the combination of underwear and male customer, that’s a different issue – and, of course, if you don’t want to do that, don’t. It’s your business, you make the rules (within Fiverr’s terms of Service, obviously).

In that case, make it clear in your gig that you won’t consult on: (list underwear/male underwear/female socks/whatever you’re not comfortable with, I fear a gig like yours might attract the one or other unwanted order over time), then you won’t need to have unpleasant conversations but can just point at or quote your gig description, and maybe deter people who might order the gig for, well, let’s say entertainment purposes rather than wanting your styling advice.

Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but try setting up your gigs in a way that will lower the chances of uncomfortable things happening, to save your statistics.

[mjaninea]

Thank you all so much for your replies! I felt bad in declining his request and felt even worse after he told me that I am not doing the stylist’s job. I also declined because I already had a similar experience with the first order for this gig, again from a man! and guess what he wanted? MEN SWIMWEAR. Like, seriously? But swimwear is not as “intimate” as underwears so I did give it a try, he placed the order and guess how it ended? He did not like the swimwears I sent him and cancelled the order. His request was for “sleek cut where more can be seen”. Like, what? I thought it was weird but made the research anyway and how it broke my heart to experience my first order cancellation… 😦

But yea, back to this topic, I found it really weird to receive another request by a man and for UNDERWEAR. And as @miiila said, I will proceed with editing my gig’s description and specify that I don’t consult men on swimwear or underwear.

I thought it was weird from the start, but then I thought it would be impossible to use this platform to grant his weird fantasies… so… or maybe I’m still very naive about that 😅

[miiila]

Yeah, don’t let anyone make you feel bad or “guilt-trip” you where there is no guilt, not on Fiverr nor elsewhere.

[mjaninea]

Yeah, don’t let anyone make you feel bad or “guilt-trip” you where there is no guilt, not on Fiverr nor elsewhere.

Thank you!!! 😭 you are so right! Thanks everyone!