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Hi William,

   This is Tom from the “causal conversation help desk.” First, it’s important to diagnose your issue. Before we begin, I’m going to need some general information. Please give me the following:




Country of origin

Religious preference 

Yogurt or Ice Cream

Medical history

Favorite Beatle  

Recent trips out of country

If you were a country song, are you the “tractor” or are you the “beer?”

Favorite television show featuring an Ed McMahon cameo

Favorite Disney ride that hasn’t been invented

Name a song that isn’t sang by Randy Newman but totally could be

Tom Cruise or Tommy Lee Jones

Name all the ways that Scottie Pippen is an ungrateful, delusional punk 

You’re in a haunted house. You can only bring one item with you to survive. What is it

Name an M&M combination that doesn’t exist but totally should

Hang on sloopy or sherrie baby 

Name three reasons why Sinatra is cool 


… we’ll also need you to pee in this cup


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