[New feature - Get matched with buyers]

My experience with brief's has been poor. I found buyer requests much convenient. Even if you get briefs the budget is pathetic and some of them do not even match your services. Any ideas to make briefs work better?

[Leaving Fiverr]

1 hour ago, damooch916 said:

Such anger. Such envy. Such mistakes. 

Look at you. Mad at the world … walking into the lions den, with that mop of fluff bouncing on your head and that indignant pose. Well, here I am. 

The lion as promised. 

 

I imagine you pinching your brow until creases tattoo themselves along your eyes sockets. Gnashing your teeth and muttering words like a terrible ventriloquist.

And I see your lips moving.

 

Jolting and fidgeting. Mouth quivering as you frantically clasp your hands and plead out, “Gods above, give me the words that I might defeat my enemy.”

 

But the Gods won’t answer. After all, they’ve seen this episode before and they know the twist by heart. You’re not the ventriloquist. 

You’re the dummy.

 

You can’t even vomit the words out. They hang and stick inside your mouth. I hear you choking desperately. Gagging over that arbitrary trite you call a “writing style.” Hacking coarsely until the sound arranges itself into a putrid melody. 

“Crap orchestral word spasms” In the key of D minor. 

Your tone would erode the foundation of all it pinged from … if only you mattered, level 1.

But you don’t.

And it’s that severe reality that has you collapsing, here, in front of all of us.  
 

You want sarcasm you say? Haven’t you had enough? 

Sarcasm is the commentary between your lover and her friends. 

Sarcasm is the 70’s commending you on that  rats nest you call a haircut. 

Sarcasm is the English alphabet serving you a cease and desist. 

Sarcasm is the mortician that convinced you to wear that outfit. 

Sarcasm is your faux writing career being reflected and utterly unraveled by a guy in sweatpants (though, I hereby demand that they be referred to as “sexy sweats.” Let’s get that going). 

Sarcasm is the identity I leave you with; the space where your dumb-headed commentary stood, the written remains of you left exposed and pacified by the passerby out of pity.

 

If I let them recognize you at all. 

 

And when the ghost of you is all that’s left - it’s pity, not sarcasm, that you’ll be clinging to Fluffy. Your hands aching and your grip moist … until your fingers give out and you fall back to that desperate ooze of degeneracy from which you emerged. 

 

Your problem isn’t my sarcasm - you embryonic, soft thinking, micro dolt. Your problem is in the many real truths lurking inside my post and it’s abject exposure of your failed fiverr experience. It’s salt over a wound that’s far too fresh. So painful is the truth, in fact, it’s blurred you from seeing the point. Just as you gush hideous verbiage and pretend it’s “writing,” you’ve allowed your negative fiverr experience to overlook the implications of my words and you pretend it’s “analysis.”

 

You’ve come to this forum to sermonize on the self perceived “wrong doing” of fiverr. You’ve spat in the face of every professional and “do gooder” that offered you guidance. And you’ve seemingly come to issue a death sentence to whatever goodwill you would ever achieve in these forums. Well hoss, you came to just the right place. I’m not above walking your unearned ego into the gallows. Something tells me it’s gonna be a short trip.

 

This forum is far from perfect. Its decorations are crass and no one seems to know where that fish smell is coming from. But it’s ours. I find most of the overly excitable “helping” to be an exercise of futility … but I don’t blame the helpers. I blame you. The self guided, “gimmie mentality,” do - nothing, chorus of deceived jerk-offs that go into cognitive fugue over the mere suggestion that their results are self administered. 

 

This is why my equity and reputation, both here and on fiverr proper, will always be superior to yours: I understand that no one owes me success. So I bust my ass for it. I respect and congregate freely with people who dominate their field and I learn from their rituals. I don’t seek to take from the pile here without issuing a return. I pour myself into responses - despite those responses being unorthodox. There’s a purpose to that: I’m not speaking to you. I’m speaking to the hard working and the accountable. We’re engaged in a game … and as fate would have it … we lost your invitation again. 

 

Your failure has caused you to retreat into a manic, defensive, blinding and fetal position of irresponsibility. The medical term for this self imposed sniveling is “baby man” disease. Here are some signs that you’ve been infected with this hampering impairment: 

Your pajamas have socks attached to them.

Drinks suddenly taste better in a sippy cup. 

You’ve developed an intense affiliation with your “blanky.”

You’ve heard no less than two monsters rummaging under your bed.

You’re not ready to part with your “Peppa Pig” night light. 

You like your food zoomed into your mouth while someone says “here comes the airplane.” 

You’re convinced that girls have cooties. 

You fling yourself to the ground and gyrate your legs when you hear the word “no.”  

You’re suddenly incapable of saying “spaghetti” without people laughing. 

 

If you’re experiencing these symptoms, talk to your doctor and see which remedies are right for you. These may include: gratitude, self worth, contemplation, cordiality, listening and meditating on the idea that your work life is yours to navigate. 

 

Pride is the drug of the moronic. And you’ve proven to be a junkie. 

 

At every instance you’ve offered nothing, which is synonymous with your current value, while turning away every good natured offering and running your mouth. Today, that caught up to you like a speed runner on steroids. Take this embarrassing trouncing and use it as motivation to deeply investigate the connection between your expectations (of yourself and others) and the results. See if you can’t find the connection. See if you can’t find the answers inside the silence. See if you can’t find the truth … the very truth I just removed from your corroded insides and smeared about for everyone to look at. 

Then see if you can find your shinebox.

I’d offer you good luck, but you’d just complain that it wasn’t “buy one, get one free.” Regardless, pick up the pieces of yourself that I’ve torn to chewed bits, silence that internal, ill equipped weakling that would seek to prolong your public decimation, take this town square thrashing and learn from it. Besides, I likely won’t remember you anyways.  
 

However, I can always be reached for in person consultation if the fates allow. I offer total attitude adjustment and intense perspective. Results are guaranteed. 

 

 

awww, dude seriously. i hope whatever's wrong in your life and head is sorted out soon. my pity and prayers are with you. let me know if i can be of help ❤️ positive vibes your way

[Leaving Fiverr]

On 11/2/2022 at 10:20 AM, damooch916 said:

I feel so terrible for you.

It’s probably hard to read my expression, as I’m too busy sipping from this well crafted espresso glass that fiverr sends to all the “high earning sellers.” It’s fantastic and quite a homely little edition to this year’s “luxury gift bag.” 

But I assure you, behind this mug is a sad expression.

It must be difficult. Somedays, I wake up in the house I own from my freelance salary, go over to my high end espresso machine paid for by Fiverr’s marketing, make a double shot and let it sit in my self heating coffee cup (that I paid three hundred dollars for on a whim) and I just look upon my three acres of land and fret over the way fiverr knowingly takes advantage of you level two sellers.

Don't they know how much they owe you? I mean … dang, I’ll bet you’ve never bought an expensive dog breed just to take a selfie. Or paid a few hundred for autographed socks that you jog in. Or spent five thousand dollars on a workout machine and used it as a fancy dinner table.

They’re making you live like an animal.

Seriously, what do they think? They deserve 20 percent for all that marketing, infrastructure, their employees, offices, events, beta creations, servers, independent consultants and market research that they give us?

Monsters, I say!

Sure, I make thousands and thousands and thousands a month from fiverr. But that doesn’t mean the system works. In fact, I read in the news that “systems” were broken because of something called the “patriarchy.” It made me so upset, I almost gave my cleaning lady the day off.

Almost.

It just humiliates me the way that Pro Sellers, like myself, are treated by comparison. With all of our fancy clubs and corporate cars. That silly credit card they give us. The stupid limos. The paid for vacations. The secret get-togethers. The in person meetings with customer service. That pompous spa package. And the paid benefits, ugh so cringe worthy.

But it’s not the high life it portrays itself to be. I’ll have you know, the last corporate retreat featured nothing but 80’s bands. None of which have had a hit since the actual 80’s. Trust me, the last people you want at your dinner table is “Tommy Tutone.”  They ate all the caviar and didn’t even order a champagne worth drinking. Not to mention, it took me over a week to get Shelia E’s perfume off my dinner jacket (and her impervious lipstick still won’t dissolve from my collar).   

Life can be tough.

What I’m saying is, I get it. You have every right to feel upset. Some folks try and try and watch their dreams of independence boil into a half-written whimper on the forum. While others sit mighty, on chairs with motorized muscle massagers, laughing with their favorite fiverr customer service representatives (that we have on speed dial) and taking all the money and marketing for ourselves. I guess it’s just the way that life is - but luckily for you, you’ll never experience the overwhelming glee that accompanies being treated like a fiverr-god. So you’ll never have to miss it.

And that makes me happy for you.

Good luck on your journey. And don’t worry about getting your spot filled… 

… those spots don’t even count in the algorithm.

Take care dear soul. 
Tootles. 

 

Holy shit. that has to be the worst attempt at sarcasm i've ever seen 😄 What a waste of time

[Leaving Fiverr]

umm, that response doesn't help at all. you just tried to negate everything i said, instead of sharing any advice. If you don't have any advice to share, I'd prefer you don't comment on the post as I am genuinely looking for advice that will help me get work here again.

The fact remains that the Buyer Requests don't have any serious projects anymore, and I am trying to get work otherwise but no success yet. I haven't received any Buyer Briefs yet either.

Any advice on how to stay ahead of the curve would be appreciated. 

[Leaving Fiverr]

Just like other Fiverr sellers I've been a victim to Fiverr's new algorithm as well. I was a level 2 seller and fiverr deported me to Level 1, though I get a lot of requests but no one's willing to pay for the services they require i.e NO SERIOUS CLIENT. Whats the point of having so many requests then?  

The briefs are optional, For me they were just as bad as buyer requests so it's a waste of time either way. Just people underpricing services to get the cheapest price. How do I get real clients back.

pour in suggestions if you have any. Thanks

 

[Order cancelled after being completed]

I did write them. Waiting for their reply.

let us know how it goes.

If a chargeback happened, I think Fiverr should take the hit for it, not the seller. The seller did the work, and got paid for his work.

Fiverr charges so much money, it should be their responsibility to protect the sellers against such fraud.