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soyed_292

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Posts posted by soyed_292

  1. On 10/22/2022 at 11:05 AM, damooch916 said:

    Hello folks and welcome back to America’s fastest rising game show, “THAT SHOULDN’T GO THERE!” I’m your host Fit Snuggly, but you can call me Tommy. I’m a PRO/TRS in the music category. On today’s broadcast we’ll be diving deep into all the things buyers should and shouldn’t do to survive the wild world of freelance. But first - a word from our sponsors: 

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    Welcome back! Okay contestants, it’s time to learn the do’s and don’ts of buying from the online marketplace. Let’s begin. 

     

    1.  Take your seller’s advice: 

    If you’ve chosen my services, it’s obviously because: 

    (A) You need professional services outside of your skill set

    (B) You need an experienced seller to send you progress videos in an unnecessary Doc Holliday accent. 

    We don’t have to offer you experienced opinions - after all, it’s pretty easy to just take the money. So the next time some songwriter says “hey maybe ‘Reggae for whitey’ is a terrible idea,” just go with it.  

     

    2. Never tell a seller “just do whatever you want”

    What you said was - 

    You’re the professional, just do what you like best.” 

    What I heard was -

    I need a keytar playing, beard-down nude performer to film blues songs in business socks.”

    If that’s not the delivery you’re looking for, you might wanna be more specific. 

     

    3. A seller who delivers incomplete work is a thief: 

    To avoid interacting with a thief, ask yourself the following questions:

    Do they sport an eye patch and a peg leg?

    Are they wearing all black clothing including a black beanie and matching mask? 

    Are they carrying bags with money signs?

    When they laugh, can you hear an echo? 

    Are they running for a governmental position? 

     

    4. A seller pretending to be your friend is a person leveraging you to accept lesser than: 

    Business is what happens when people create and execute ideas based on preconceived arrangements. 

    Friendship is what happens when people need you to help them move.

     

    5. A seller that doesn’t ask questions is a seller that doesn’t care about the outcome - be available:

    Even the most detailed descriptions can require clarification. As a buyer, you want to make yourself available to address any specifics the seller may need.

    Otherwise we go to “plan b.” This includes googling your first name, messaging the first person who pops up, asking them “what do you think this means,” and resuming a “Frasier” rewatch while “other you” decides the new gig requirements. 

    Good luck. 

     

    6. Great sellers know that it’s “what” that matters, not a laundry list of “why”

    I’m sure you’re a great person (but my dog has her suspicions). Still -  I’m not making your “A&E” biography. Giving me the aim, the fine points and the intended outcome will prevent you from committing yourself to granular details - so magnified - that they snuff out any inspired creativity that could have occurred. I want you to be detailed, but if your concepts verge into doing the job for me - you won’t get the results you’re hiring me for. 

    Side note:

    I’m a professional songwriter. Yes, I realize that sounds self important … I’m okay with it… There’s not a week that goes by where some guy doesn’t reach out, tell me he needs a song for his secret soul mate - all with the intention to surprise her with every uncomfortable detail he’s ever imagined - sends me ten paragraphs on his hidden emotions (and the oddest physical details that one only acquires by studying photos) all in the hopes that she’ll drop her entire life and fall madly into his arms. 

    Stop it. 

    Chances are, the moment you pop on some dedication song - this person is going to be wondering if you own a hotel and how often you dress in your mother’s clothing.

    Not to mention, with all those weird details you have me singing - if I actually pull this off, there’s a better than not chance she’ll be asking about the vocalist. Plus, I play piano like an angel (you’ve been warned). No worries, I’m gonna deny knowing you for safety reasons. But none of that matters because I’ve got it on good authority that this isn’t going to work.

    How do I know? One, because you’re not the writer. And two, because no woman has ever asked me to write a song for a man to reveal her truest details from out of left field. Maybe they’ve logically concluded that this will come across as weird and make the person they care for uncomfortable? 

    That’s your answer.

     

    7.  A seller who is willing to negotiate their price is a seller who doesn’t feel confident in their work  

    This isn’t an antique mall. If it were, I’d be too busy buying vintage Disney items to deal with your inverted sales tactics. 

    My fee reflects your request, as performed at the highest quality I offer, at that price point. I’m not willing to negotiate your quality - so don’t negotiate my prices.

     

     

    8. If your seller has trouble communicating, your trouble is just beginning: 

    Remember that date you went on … and your brain said, “this isn’t going to work…” And then you went on that date. And then your date didn’t ask you any questions, talked for twenty minutes about their interests, took a phone call during the appetizer, asked you to help pay and tried to invite you back to the apartment?

    Remember how you never went against your instincts again?

    That’s Fiverr.

    Do what feels right. If that doesn’t work, try putting on Kool and the Gang’s classic “Get Down On it.” If that doesn’t work - your more pressing issue is that you don’t have a pulse. 
     

    With these ideas in mind, you are ever closer to mastering the fine art of purchasing in the freelance market. Tune in next time when we ask,

    Sand … is it just dirt with commitment issues?”

    Until then, take care. 

    I am not getting order, plz help

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