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These are the words that drive fear into the hearts of even the most seasoned freelancer. Also, unrelatedly, we hate the word “

In a time of universal metric decline - having the skills to negotiate your sales slump is the only way to get beyond the hardships and make it to the other side. 


 to change your freelance-slump approach and make an immediate difference. 


Bother your former clients and beg them to purchase from you: 

Research indicates that customers appreciate an aggressive, non solicited, pushy sales approach. According to the “

University of Redundant concepts that are redundant

,” customers respond best to: moaning, desperation, blabber talk and they are 

 responsive to spittle during an existential crying fit. 

But … customers are notorious for their elusive ways. Most will play coy when approached for money. They may say something like, “

hey, stop bothering me you cheap, dirty bum.

A good customer knows the value of negotiation. With enough hydration, you can keep a good sobbing going for thirty minutes. Stand firm and demand they lift you from your worrisome position. Remind them, “

oh yeah, well the customer’s always right - and you haven’t paid for crap in months

Panic and create new gigs that have nothing to do with your freelancing career

You’ve always wanted to create that gig … that 

 special gig that will sky rocket your sales into the stratosphere. And now, with a market level so low you’d need a breathing tank to touch the bottom, it’s time to launch it. 

Deep down inside, you’ve always known that yodeling was primed for an epic comeback. So 

 if your vertical is “copywriting,” it’s time to make with the throat juggling, cowpoke. 

You’ve suffered enough. Why keep a consistent theme to your gigs when the whole world is waiting to discover your waist naked mime routine? 

Tired of your contemporaries having all the cool gig images? Are you sick of the jealousy eating away at you as you read from stellar competitor bios? Are you just 

 over that sinking feeling of knowing your rivals have better example materials than you have? 

Not anymore you’re not. With my new revolutionary method, you can have all the glitz and glamour your opposition enjoys without any of the work. 

Establishing a professional profile is hard. There’s the issues of limited space to explain your offerings, having to create decent material to showcase your skills - and, 

, your profile image is so ill-fitted it looks like it came from the warp-an-image maker at a 90’s Chuck E. Cheese. 

With stealing, you’ll never have to wonder about “

“originality,” and many other disgusting, time wasting activities. 

In a recent poll, “having food” ranked significantly higher to “not having food.” But the study lacked long term evaluations - and for this purpose it’s been determine that: 

By lowering your prices to unlivable wages, you guarantee the long term companionship of clients who will spend countless, magical hours asking for the most trivial revisions and self important complaints. After all, there’s conclusive evidence that people thrive when coupled with others. 

. Stop being a slave to obtuse concepts like “shelter” and “clothing.” 

By obliterating your prices, you send a message to the world that says, “

even though my work isn’t valuable - my charming personality totally is

You shouldn’t have to be a victim of cultural relevancy just to be a victim. Blaming the system is 

 2019. Not to mention, victimhood hasn’t been Freudian since music was played by human musician people, so stop mentioning your parents lame-o. You’re gonna need an entirely new target. 

Blaming fiverr for your crumbling business strategy is not only fun, it’s an expected trait of the seasoned professional. By blaming fiverr, you showcase yourself as a tried and true major league player, ready to make the big leap to TRS - 

Try some of these widely accepted grievances: 

Just look at it. All smug. With that extra “r” and it’s weird green fetish. This slump is Fiverr’s fault.

How’s about you stop with the numbers fixation fiverr and get to your real job, finding all my customers? Pervert

A slump is no time to evaluate inwardly, lost in some self reflective meditation and rummaging through the basement of your soul to stumble upon discarded solutions. No. You’ve got to assign 

And fiverr is always close enough to take the heat. 

Congratulations! You are now prepared to enhance the seller experience by combating with your sales slump. Go out in confidence, knowing that this information you’re receiving has been tested and verified. 

Because using these methods will absolutely get you results. So when you get them, know that you probably 

Warning: The contents of this message in no way reflects the thoughts and opinions of fiverr, any Top Rated Seller, the fiverr forum, other forums, left handed drummers, those weird guys who go to dance clubs just to stand by a wall and watch you, the civilized planet, the uncivilized beings of other planets, or anyone reading this disclaimer either in person or telepathically. 

You hold fiverr and its affiliates completely harmless for any damage, perceived or otherwise, that may result from having tried these so-called methods. Don’t even think about it. In fact, just stop what you’re doing and read the TOS. 

You also agree to hold Damooch harmless. Though none of us would consider this dangerous character “harmless.” He’s clearly one crayon short of the full color wheel. He just showed up one day, scared all the high rollers with his weird satire, screamed at a bunch of psychics, tore off his tank top and yelled “Hulk Hogan is my spirit animal!” We actually got an intern to confront him about this aggressive “comedy (as he likes to call it).” Needless to say, we haven’t seen that intern since. We just elected to let him stay after that.

Again, we do not condone following the advice of Damooch. Or possibly even allowing him within 50 feet of an active thought process. 

Five Tips to Defeat Your Fiverr Slump.

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