damooch916

You have not provided enough information to successfully give you the answers you seek. But here are some key points: *Writers paying for the services of hired guns are purchasing the audio as implied by the original purchase. Hence the transferring of funds. Anyone suggesting otherwise, including fiverr, will get torn to shreds by a first month entertainment lawyer. Further points on publishing must be specified not who owns the audio. *Any vocalist contributing writing to your material enters into a publishing deal with you. I highly suggest studying copyright, publishing and split sheets. Not specifying this in advance leaves you vulnerable. *Commercial use agreements apply in music when the intellectual property inventor agrees to allow their material to be used in a capacity where several individuals may profit. It is not the relinquishing of copyright and is not intended for use with hired guns. Commercial rights isn’t a catch all terms that applies to every vocation and certainly not with the same definition. Any musician charging you to use audio you purchase, on your own creation, after you’ve purchased their time - isn’t a professional. Legal frameworks aren’t an “extra.” They have real world implications. You need to consult an entertainment attorney or talk to someone who has worked with publishing firms extensively before you get ripped off or worse. Studio musicians (including studio vocalists) are not the audio financier. Recording owners do not need permission to publish their materials for distribution, not even from the songwriter. I hope you find what you need.

A conversation with my future self: A two man play Tommy: Dr. Older Tommy (OT): Dr. Both men nod approvingly at this movie reference. Tommy: Ya know, hindsight being what it is, you could have waited till actually losing your hair to start shaving your head. OT: Well, don’t worry. You’re gonna come by it honestly hoss. Anyways, who leads with that? Tommy: what? OT: What’s the metaphysical possibilities of this meeting? What, are we in some abstract space/time? You’re like ten seconds away from Rod Serling bursting in and you want to cry about your male pattern baldness? Tommy: I’m just sayin’ - we could have enjoyed the hair for a few more years. A brief moment of recollection fills the space between the men as they consider the hair that had been. Tommy: Hey! Do you think we’re in a Kafka story? OT: Jumping blue hell, was I really this dim? Tommy: Well, how do you account for this? I get out of bed, hungry, tired - I don’t get two steps into my kitchen and I’m greeted by me, already standing in my kitchen. And it’s not even the good me. It’s season finale, “crappy elderly makeup” me. OT: You see! That’s your problem; you think everything requires an explanation. You couldn’t ever let a moment just be. Tommy: Oh great, I go senile and become a new ageist. OT: I’m not kidding. You turned everything you enjoyed into work. You couldn’t live in the moment, you were always too busy living in the analysis of the moment. You started working at five - and ya know what? You never stop. And when you did take a moment to relax, you bought books on the “The best practices for relaxation.” Tommy: I know how to relax! I can like things without making work out of it. OT: You spent five years watching Twin Peaks meta-analysis videos. Tommy -slightly defeated: Yeah … well … so did you. OT: Yeah. Both men regain their composure Tommy: Are you here for a reason? OT: There he goes! Glad you could join the conversation. Don’t you have any questions? I’m from the damn future. Tommy: Sure, what happened to all the gyms tubby? Clearly you can’t get to one. OT: And just for that, I’m not going to you the AI safe-code. Tommy: What safe code, what are you talking about? Does AI take us over? Have you been sent here to save humanity? Am I Sarah Connor? OT: I’m sorry, I’m too old and fat to remember. Tommy: That’s not funny dude. Am I gonna save the world or what? OT: Calm down sparky, I’m just messing with you. Tommy: That’s messed up. A brief pause. The Older Tommy walks to the far cabinet. OT: You have any of those Swiss rolls we used to keep in here? Tommy: Absolutely. The older man anxiously retrieves the treat and makes his way to the kitchen table. OT: You want one? Tommy cautiously approaches, takes a Swiss roll and sits across from his older self. Tommy: Did you travel through time to raid my kitchen? OT: Ya know, in the future these bad boys are outlawed. Tommy: Seriously? OT: Naw … I’m screwing with you. Tommy: You’re the worst Ghost of Christmas Future ever. OT: I’m not dead. I’m old. From what I understand, there’s a difference - though I don’t see how. Tommy: So … why are you here? OT: I’m here to tell you things. To answer things. To let you “pass go.” I’m here to give you the message that you need to hear. So have it, Mr. “Has to know everything.” Ask away. Tommy: Alright. Alright. Hmm. Well, let’s say I ask these questions. What happens to you? OT: Seriously. Dude. I’m kinda on special visit here, if you catch my drift, and I don’t have time to play “what time travel lore are we in” the home game. Just ask your questions and let’s get it done. Tommy: Right. Right. Okay. But let’s say I find out something I didn’t want to know … do I have time to fix it? OT: Listen to me - lottery numbers, winning teams, tech investment, the sky is the limit here. The keys to future development. Projected awareness … come on dude. Tommy: I know. I know. Alright. But let’s say by having the awareness, I alter the nature of reality? OT: Tommy, this Swiss roll is almost gone. And when it’s gone, I’m gone. You hear me? You need to just make a choice and ask. Tommy: Right … sure … a question about the future. The future. Fuuu-turrre. Tommy watches the old man eat. His creased face beaming with total ecstasy with every bite of the Swiss Roll. Bite after glorious bite. Until the plate is empty and the elder doppelgänger sits still, his eyes closed in the bliss of this unlikely dessert. With a tranquil position, the old man opens his eyes and re-emerges into the moment. OT: Well? Are you going to ask me a question or not? Tommy: No … I’m just going to let it be. OT: There’s hope for you yet handsome. Tommy stands from the table, assured with his decision. He reaches his arm over and shakes the older self’s hand in firmness. Tommy: I’m going to bed. Lock up when you leave. Tommy leaves the table - and with it - leaves the old man sitting, where he had sat so many times before. As he approaches the hallway, Tommy looks back for one last glance. The old man is gone. End Scene

A statement from Swifty Flannagan, Legal Council for the defendant: As it relates to the matter of “The Entire Freelance Ecosystem VS Jones,” I have been authorized to comment, in as much as these slanderous charges could even be appraised to contain the merit worthy of such pomposity, that my client, King Mooch, Tommy of Jones, He who is with much espresso, Ruler of the slow drip, Master Satirist in charge, Keeper of the Good Foot, Lord of Tank Top-olis, Sir Funks-a-Lot, “Doc” Holli-Slay and “The Liege Who brings ya to your knees”, hereby denounces these insidious accusations and we plan to prove his innocence through legal, moral and systematic means. Also, we don’t plan to do any of that. One doesn’t simply bring charges against the King. One doesn’t simply step to “thou-who-shan’t-be steppethed toward”. One doesn’t simply tug on Superman’s cape. One doesn’t simply spit in the wind. One doesn’t simply pull the mask of the ol’ Lone Ranger and one doesn’t simply mess around with Jim. These truths are regarded with great profundity and are inviolable realities of every freelancer the world over (or at least like 15 people on this forum). Also, and you may consider this as more of a communicated account for your appraisal and less of an obvious threat, the King is sorta … uh … vicious? We don’t make such proclamations around the office. We shroud these bits of phenomena in much wrapping and say things like “eccentric,” or “too wise for conventionalism” or “Oh my God, the King is here and he hasn’t had his coffee yet.” Anyways. The King says, “Nay.” Then he says, “Attorney,” Even though he’s known me for like twenty years and could easily call me Swifty. Then he says, “Who is that person fetching the Kings coffee?” And I say, “Why King, that’s the Royal coffee fetcher. His name is Sa…” And then the King cuts me off and yells, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HIS NAME IS!” And he laughs and laughs. Which means I’m forced to laugh, even though that bit is like 25 years old and even The Rock is tired of hearing it. So, ya know, the King doesn’t accept or whatever. Thank you.

This is correct. Our language should be a living body of never - ceasing additions. Long live this thread. And long live the King. Which, considering that I am the forum King, is pretty well conceited. Here’s to staying on brand.

Hey all! I’m television’s Steve Allen, but you can call me Tommy. Most people come to the fiverr forum looking for “tips” on how to make their freelance dreams come true. But learning the ropes can be tricky. Especially when you’re just getting started. Most frustratingly, we forum regulars use fairly “inside” terms. So, to better help you - I’ve created a “Fiverr Forum Dictionary” so that you can talk just like a pro! I can’t wait to talk to ya, here we go: Seller: a person who watched a YouTube video and is now qualified to give advice about fiverr. Buyer: A person who purchased a ten dollar website on fiverr and then acts amazed when they only receive a landing page with an image of a broken toilet and a caption that reads “Sorry, our site isn’t worth a crap.” Gig: A service offered by sellers paying other sellers to perform a service. Fiver forum: An online environment where new sellers tell new sellers how to make money on a site they’ve never made money on. Seller plus program: The act of paying monthly to watch people speak in riddles over zoom. Seller Plus Manager: This information is unavailable. Revision: The process of getting more than you originally paid for by communicating threats. Modification: A button designed with an endless design function, specifically created to make fiverr engineers laugh. Cancellation: The act of performing a task to completion without compensation. Message: A platform created to experiment with new forms of con artistry. Review: An enhancement drug designed to make weak people feel stronger. Profile: A gravesite intended for visiting the twenty gigs you designed at the beginning of your freelance journey and that one gig that everyone purchases. Top Rated Seller: The act of selling breadcrumbs for breadcrumbs as opposed to selling bread slices for money. Pro Seller: The act of selling breadbaskets for slice prices but behaving really apologetically about it. Algorithm: An omnipotent being that demands worship to enter it’s kingdom, but is too lazy to write down the rules so that you might get in. Gig Bio: A designated area for practicing your deceptions publicly. Profile Picture: A place holder for Instagram photos that don’t belong to you. Analytics: A formally diagnosed phobia of numbers with arrows next to them. Customer Support: A creative writing practice designed to say “do it yourself” in unique ways. That’s it for now! With these simple references you’ll know what to say, how to say it and what we mean when we say it. Here’s to seeing you out there!

That’s easy for you to say. And here I thought AI was the promise of never having to think through a sentence again. Well, I’ll have you know - I’ve applied for one of those “Cracker Jack promotional decoder rings.” That’s right bucko, and I’ll be getting to the bottom of what you’re talking about in 6 to 8 weeks, allowing holidays, and voiding where prohibited. But since I’m bored and my gigs are drier than this generations underwear in a room full of people with self respect, I think I’ll record your sentence to audio, play it backwards and make sure that you’re not one of those fiverr spell-casters, wishing ill on all the unsuspecting people here on the forum (You call it a run-on sentence, I call it “cardio-grammar”). Thats right hoss. I’m on to you. Even if it is illegal in 28 states. I know your type. You’re one of those muck tumbling, riffraffers. The forum has strong policies against raffing your riff. Although, we’ve seen your riff and it doesn’t look very threatening. Anyways, let this be a lesson to you. We won’t have this talk again. At least, not without a translator.

I was a child performer. I started performing in traveling bands at four and started leading them as a vocalist/instrumentalist in my preteen years. The average age of my work contemporaries was 45. Either that, or all the kids that I knew had extremely gray hair. Though, if you’ve ever met a musician, it’s essentially the same as spending time with a preteen. Around this time I joined my first songwriting staff. This is probably a fine time to explain that my family was a fairly culturally important entity in the northern Californian music circuit throughout the 40’s to the 80’s. I’m a third generation songwriter/musician/performer. My childhood was a strange combination of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Twin Peaks. Both the show and the eatery. In some senses I didn’t really have a childhood. In other ways, I was extremely adored by my peers for being weirdly autonomous. Imagine being named in roll call each day and the teacher remembers “oh, Tommy’s not here - he’s on tour.” That sort of thing will drive your social status up a few notches. My social life was much like my stage life, everyone offers reverence to “other than” personas. I had unlimited access to any age peer bracket - and operated in a category that I’d seemingly invented. I knew, fairly early on, to view the whole experience from a dissociative, reflective, analytical perspective. I disbanded with the nostalgia of it in real time. And I rarely think about the social excess my gig life or youth life elicited. My father was an academic mammoth. For perspective, my Dad had a hallway named after him in the very high school that I attended. This was due to his having named the school, the middle school and the elementary school while being president and valedictorian of his senior class. The expectations were fairly high. Or in Dad’s words: “A “B” average won’t pay your rent to live here.” My charge was to beat him scholastically, socially and musically. He kept a shelf housing an entire encyclopedia set and if you ever made the mistake of asking “what does that mean” in conversation, the answer was his finger pointing to the shelf, where you would recite the word and the entire description (no matter the magnitude). Granted, that sounds militant (and it could be) but my father was also my best friend. I moved out at 14 and not only did this not seem strange - it was fairly expected. As a career songwriter himself, I found my father fascinating. We went to coffee every day that I wasn’t performing, I’m not even kidding, throughout my entire teenage existence. He plainly described the job of songwriting as “writing.” There shouldn’t be a distinction, because you shouldn’t limit the burden of great material to learn from or compete with. I made a study out of that philosophy. He died when I was 18 and my life as a Californian went with it. Ultimately, you don’t live a life in the service of rock n roll and end up a choir boy. I have a million stories, as you can imagine. I would have three million, but I’m obligated by the code of musical weirdness to forget more than I remember. Besides, you only paid me for one story. Pay me enough and I’ll stop talking all together, then we can do this whole thing over as a silent film. I had an uncommonly great childhood and I realize that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, given the abject strangeness of it’s construct. But it’s also the least interesting time of my life. The stories get more bizarre, more fine tuned, more complex and more refined as I became an adult. As a kid I was self contained, self assured, romantic, boisterous, cerebral, all encompassing, enigmatic, passionate and confrontational. I’ve never suffered fools. I worked all through my youth. Getting home at 2 am to be awake by 6. I put food on the table for adults who had 50 responsibilities to my 1. I had obligations that far exceeded my own - and I had to navigate the overwhelming amount of glad-handers who wanted something from me, ranging from social equity to work to far more nefarious wants. I lived as hard and as uncontrolled as anyone ever did. I also dedicated myself to studying music and the Western Canon of arts and hub sciences. Those very opposed, very deep characteristics make me a weird combination of life long business owner, artist, traditionalist, eccentric, academic, values advocate, humanity cognoscente, abstruse, unfathomable, fatherly, silly and unabashedly masculine. That’s who my family was. That’s who I am. We were an unapologetic American family.

I’m glad to see you back. Also, I admire your resolve to return to - and to endure - our strange little dystopia. Sometimes I think of the long standing forum members as active participants in a sacrificial ritual. My deity promised that I’d father a nation for my effort. But some of us were only promised a water bottle with a halo logo. Depending on what nation I get, I may opt for the water bottle.

Been a long time looseink. I’m not sure that I catch your drift.

No, not deleted. Its fair to suggest that my threads live in a different cosmological model to the forum universe proper. My posts are so normative destroying, so back handed in its verisimilitude and so beyond fiverr regularity - they should begin with a Rod Serling monologue. Which is fitting, because you’re not currently experiencing this reply in any normal dimension anyways. My posts reroute to the exterior of a mirror universe, currently deflating, disabling all out-of-tune sellers from actually viewing this conversation. Think of it like an inter-dimensional vpn. So, congratulations! You’re one of the chosen few who have been selected, plucked from the constraints of reality and dropped into an alternate macrocosm. Unfortunately, you may have to learn a demented moral lesson, brought about by a twist ending. Also, I would totally avoid ventriloquist dummies while in this dimension … … a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind.

Stop it. Seriously. Just stop it right there. Apparently there is a vicious rumor circling this post. It suggests that I created this thread for the sole purpose of ridding fiverr of an innumerable amount of shady, bad seller types. The theory being: by using any of my lightly ban-flavored tips, disingenuous sellers will out themselves for their evil deeds and face platform excommunication. An implication like that … that I would lower myself to blatant trickery and operate with hidden motives … that is sickening. How you could even think of me as someone with such a bent cause … it’s hurtful and a terrible slashing to my character. Don’t you know that I never do anything for positive change? You’re making me out to be some sort of gross humanitarian. Yuck. Now hear this: My free form writing operates solely in the service of useless shenanigans. I won’t stand idly by and allow for you “good and reputable” sorts to turn my essays into some sort of “sensical point.” Next, you’ll be dressing me in sleeved shirts and making soul mashing comments like, “Mooch’s last work was so respectable.” Well, I’ll have you know that Mooch’s work will never be respectable. Not ever. Think about my work like a large car pile up on a long stretch of highway. Now imagine that in the center of this pile up - a fleet of large big rigs have turned over, liberating an entire circus worth of exotic animals, mostly roaming in the fast lane, with the exception of a few lions who have taken it upon themselves to emancipate some nearby passengers for a late lunch. Now add a marching band. Which seems inappropriate, given the horrific nature of lions eating Kia owners, but there they are and they’re playing some kind of competitive sports theme. This immediately enrages a pack of leather clad, hardened biker types. But their attempts to silence the marching band are thwarted by over-sized, sweatsuit wearing ruffians and the only way to resolve their conflict is through a breakdancing battle. Only, the marching band doesn’t actually know any breakdancing material. But that’s fine - because deceased songwriter Warren Zevon has commandeered the band and is leading them in a rousing rendition of his all time classic, “Lawyers, guns and money.” Which, given that you don’t see zombie musicians perform with marching bands everyday, explains why no one noticed the gasoline dripping from the largest big rig, webbing itself under numerous vehicles and collecting perfectly underneath the feet of a nearby clown, unfazed and slouched on the hood of a dodge. And did I mention that he’s smoking? He’s a clown. The implication is that he’s smoking. With sun squinted eyes and morbid curiosity, he eyeballs the deadly substance beneath him - and for one small minute - the clown feels the full burden of controlling destiny itself. That. That is the meaning of my writing. Not all this “good samaritan” silliness or nebulous moral crusading. After all these years, can’t you at least allow me the dignity to call my materials arbitrary? Do you have any idea how long it took to cultivate this reputation of sounding like a thesaurus eating a hand grenade? And here you guys are, my supposed friends, undoing years of utter blabber by assigning “meaning” to my work. I swear. If just one new kid says a damn thing about “understanding my intention,” it’s curtains for all of you. I would never forgive you if I thought anyone could “read” into my posts and … learn something … Its like you don’t even know me.

Recessions. Financial crashes. Slumps. These are the words that drive fear into the hearts of even the most seasoned freelancer. Also, unrelatedly, we hate the word “uncouth.” In a time of universal metric decline - having the skills to negotiate your sales slump is the only way to get beyond the hardships and make it to the other side. Presented here are 5 tips guaranteed to change your freelance-slump approach and make an immediate difference. 1. Bother your former clients and beg them to purchase from you: Research indicates that customers appreciate an aggressive, non solicited, pushy sales approach. According to the “University of Redundant concepts that are redundant,” customers respond best to: moaning, desperation, blabber talk and they are especially responsive to spittle during an existential crying fit. But … customers are notorious for their elusive ways. Most will play coy when approached for money. They may say something like, “hey, stop bothering me you cheap, dirty bum.” Don’t fall for that old gag. A good customer knows the value of negotiation. With enough hydration, you can keep a good sobbing going for thirty minutes. Stand firm and demand they lift you from your worrisome position. Remind them, “oh yeah, well the customer’s always right - and you haven’t paid for crap in months.” And just watch the money pour in. 2. Panic and create new gigs that have nothing to do with your freelancing career. You’ve always wanted to create that gig … that one special gig that will sky rocket your sales into the stratosphere. And now, with a market level so low you’d need a breathing tank to touch the bottom, it’s time to launch it. Dreaming about your “I will teach you to make toast” gig? Do it. Thinking about your “I will tell you what to watch on Netflix” gig? Go for it. Deep down inside, you’ve always known that yodeling was primed for an epic comeback. So what if your vertical is “copywriting,” it’s time to make with the throat juggling, cowpoke. You’ve suffered enough. Why keep a consistent theme to your gigs when the whole world is waiting to discover your waist naked mime routine? 3. Steal a better profile. Tired of your contemporaries having all the cool gig images? Are you sick of the jealousy eating away at you as you read from stellar competitor bios? Are you just completely over that sinking feeling of knowing your rivals have better example materials than you have? Not anymore you’re not. With my new revolutionary method, you can have all the glitz and glamour your opposition enjoys without any of the work. I call it: stealing (ˈstēliNG) Establishing a professional profile is hard. There’s the issues of limited space to explain your offerings, having to create decent material to showcase your skills - and, of course, your profile image is so ill-fitted it looks like it came from the warp-an-image maker at a 90’s Chuck E. Cheese. With stealing, you’ll never have to wonder about “what the public thinks of your material,” “how to beta test your examples” “originality,” and many other disgusting, time wasting activities. Stop worrying. Try stealing today. 4. Drastically lower your prices. In a recent poll, “having food” ranked significantly higher to “not having food.” But the study lacked long term evaluations - and for this purpose it’s been determine that: Nutrition is overrated. By lowering your prices to unlivable wages, you guarantee the long term companionship of clients who will spend countless, magical hours asking for the most trivial revisions and self important complaints. After all, there’s conclusive evidence that people thrive when coupled with others. Besides, wages are materialistic. Stop being a slave to obtuse concepts like “shelter” and “clothing.” By obliterating your prices, you send a message to the world that says, “even though my work isn’t valuable - my charming personality totally is.” 5. Blame Fiverr. You shouldn’t have to be a victim of cultural relevancy just to be a victim. Blaming the system is so 2019. Not to mention, victimhood hasn’t been Freudian since music was played by human musician people, so stop mentioning your parents lame-o. You’re gonna need an entirely new target. So, blame fiverr. Blaming fiverr for your crumbling business strategy is not only fun, it’s an expected trait of the seasoned professional. By blaming fiverr, you showcase yourself as a tried and true major league player, ready to make the big leap to TRS - and perhaps - the coveted “PRO” title. Try some of these widely accepted grievances: “Just look at it. All smug. With that extra “r” and it’s weird green fetish. This slump is Fiverr’s fault.” Now try this one: “How’s about you stop with the numbers fixation fiverr and get to your real job, finding all my customers? Pervert.” You’re doing great! A slump is no time to evaluate inwardly, lost in some self reflective meditation and rummaging through the basement of your soul to stumble upon discarded solutions. No. You’ve got to assign blame and get to blaming. And fiverr is always close enough to take the heat. Congratulations! You are now prepared to enhance the seller experience by combating with your sales slump. Go out in confidence, knowing that this information you’re receiving has been tested and verified. Because using these methods will absolutely get you results. So when you get them, know that you probably deserved them. (Warning: The contents of this message in no way reflects the thoughts and opinions of fiverr, any Top Rated Seller, the fiverr forum, other forums, left handed drummers, those weird guys who go to dance clubs just to stand by a wall and watch you, the civilized planet, the uncivilized beings of other planets, or anyone reading this disclaimer either in person or telepathically. You hold fiverr and its affiliates completely harmless for any damage, perceived or otherwise, that may result from having tried these so-called methods. Don’t even think about it. In fact, just stop what you’re doing and read the TOS. You also agree to hold Damooch harmless. Though none of us would consider this dangerous character “harmless.” He’s clearly one crayon short of the full color wheel. He just showed up one day, scared all the high rollers with his weird satire, screamed at a bunch of psychics, tore off his tank top and yelled “Hulk Hogan is my spirit animal!” We actually got an intern to confront him about this aggressive “comedy (as he likes to call it).” Needless to say, we haven’t seen that intern since. We just elected to let him stay after that. Again, we do not condone following the advice of Damooch. Or possibly even allowing him within 50 feet of an active thought process. You’ve been warned.)

(The following statements have not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration) Missed messages got you down? Does response time anxiety have you worried? Is that pesky sleep preventing you from reaching your full potential? Try Caffeine! The newest in Mooch-Labs technology, caffeine is a biochemically enhanced, safe alternative to sleep. But don’t take my word for it, here’s Hollywood’s own Mickey Rourke: “Caffeine is like crack but there’s less pipes.” That’s right Mickey! Caffeine enhances the nervous system by increasing activity - allowing you to do things faster and having more time for activities like not resting. Caffeine has been clinically shown to cut down decision time, rid the body of unnecessary water weight and give you a mean jitterbug. In a blind taste test, 9 out of 10 people preferred caffeine to not having caffeine (we are not responsible for the unfortunate demise of the 10th participant who willingly chose to not share their caffeine allergy prior to the experiment. Blind people are just weird like that). But wait! There’s more! The first 100 people to order caffeine will get a free gift, as our way of saying ‘thank you’ - The natural therapy remedy that swept the nation: “Mooch-Lab’s Patented Screaming at People.” What are you waiting for! Stop missing all those important messages. Stop wondering what happens when you’re not around. After all, a wise man once said: “The nighttime is just the daytime that forgot to pay the power bill (copyright Tommy Jones).” Find out if Caffeine is right for you! (The advice and claims presented here are intended to only be used with your doctors approval. If he generally hates the idea, I might know a guy. The views expressed are intended to be for informational use only and are not intended to replace actual medical advice. Medical advice is more like “no, you shouldn’t be growing hair on that.” Always consult your physician before starting a new medication. Failing that, take a whole bunch of it and show up to the doctor’s office while yelling, “how’s about a checkup?” Caffeine has been known to cause mild side effects. Always stop taking caffeine if you experience: pain, extreme discomfort, irregular heart beat, difficulty feeling your own face, existential realizations during pop music, a sudden understanding of acid jazz, visits to the black lodge, prolonged visitations with the ghost of Voltaire and/or general death. Please use as directed. Mooch-labs is not responsible for the results of the unlawful usage of caffeine. Likewise, Mooch-Labs makes no claim of actually owning a lab. It’s more like a mind palace, but rather than memories - we keep a laboratory in it. Please use at your own risk. If you don’t have any risk, please borrow someone else’s risk and proceed to use that one) Stop missing out. Stop napping in. Stop sleeping and start living. Try Caffeine today!

I was actually making a joke about the enormous amount of Riverdance, Stomp and bang-about shows that became popular in the very next decade.

Apparently, in the 80’s - my long form esoteric satire pieces went over just as well as they will in the future.

Dudes and dudettes. In these days of technological marvel and future-esque living, I know some of you are having a less totally tubular time than others. Many of you are scared for the fast streamlining of a high tech opponent. You’re afraid for your job, you’re afraid of your ability to acclimate and you’re like, wigging out, because you feel that you might bite the dust. You’re thinking, “my story is going to be over faster than Paul Harvey on a handful of no-doz.” That opponent I’m speaking of is, of course, the computer. Well, don’t go getting all bogus. We live in a pretty fast world. Suddenly our phones are cordless. Our TV’s are giant boxes. Our cars can make calls and there’s like, 30 channels to choose from. If these times make you jumpier than Katharine Hepburn’s makeup artist - you’re not alone. Add to that, the economy isn’t exactly the most bodacious. We’re expected to pay 96 cents for gas. They want us to shell out 1.60 for a Big Mac. Even cigarettes cost a whole dollar … and that’s the healthy ones! I get it. The idea of looking into the void of a home computer feels like it should come with an Indian burial ground and a house that throws plates at you. (How nice of Native American’s to still be cool about the whole “Indian” thing. The last thing we’d want is for the world to misread their resistance to that term as some strange pathway to complain about everything. We really lucked out there - because who wants to spend their lives combing over every past infraction until context is totally eradicated? Whew. Bullet dodged.) Maybe we’re all needing a chill pill. Listen, every great technological leap is scary. Remember when fax machines were gonna single handedly wipe out secretaries? Or when pagers we’re gonna erase human communication? Or how about when we balked at the new Coca-Cola formula? But now we can’t live without any of them! Which is awesome, because these technologies, just like the wholesome comfort of Bill Cosby always being on your television, are here to stay! Some of you may be thinking “what do I do if this computer can do the same tasks that I get paid for?” Like, duh. That’s a gnarly question. The truth is, you’re going to have to adapt. Maybe you’re a nameless face. Maybe you don’t have professional respect. Maybe you feel small and you’re afraid that the coming technology will squash you completely. Okay, so you’re not as revered as a Woody Allen. Maybe you’re not the trusted face to families everywhere like a Michael Jackson. Maybe you never excelled and gained wide ranging respect like an OJ. But inside of you there’s a strength. A voice. The knowledge that - things change. And in that change, some people will run head first into the new world. They will be the new leaders. While others will shield themselves with moral objections and thinly woven blankets of denial. Here’s a secret … those people know that there’s no stopping the future either. Their demands to have an ethical argument comforts them. It gives them an excuse to be rolled over by an inevitability that they are terrified to engage with. That way they can look back and say, “well sure, I lost my job and my kids look thinner than Norm Peterson in a ‘dry county’ but I fought the good fight.” Did you? Or did you pretend that your most cultivated arguments would exempt you from the same world changing events that are coming irregardless of your rehearsed foot stomping? If I know anything it’s this: Mike Tyson can’t lose… Victoria’s Secret will always be kept by some 80 pound Russian model… And no one is ever gonna pay to watch someone just stomp around. It’s time to emerge from that cocoon Wilford Brimley. Because the future shouldn’t barf you out. Yes, it’s important to keep our humanity. Absolutely, we must cling to and pass down our traditions. And sure - we need to keep a strong watch over the tech that guides our daily existence … but we also need to differentiate between what will be true and what we wish to be true. The home computer is here. And there’s no going back. Be trepidatious. But don’t forget to also be hopeful. There’s no telling what advances, what fortunes and what incredibly fulfilling experiences this thing may give us. So be hopeful … either way, you don’t have a choice. And besides, you aren’t gonna let it dominate your life. It’s not like people will just spend all day looking aimlessly at their computer. Not talking. Devoting all their time to screens and silliness. Depleting their social skills, stunting their development, creating falsified versions of themselves in ever complex ways while lowering their dopamine to such crippling degrees that the entire world suffers a depression epidemic - culminating in the explosion of illegal medications and directly triggering the most profound mental health crisis in the history of all humanity … … Give people more credit than that. Yours in Total Righteousness - Tommy

I’m resurrecting this thread to address this terrible indictment (that and I missed the comment entirely because, let’s be honest, I peaked at the “model” bit). Imagine, while I’ve always respected your self willed crusade of truth, encouragement and integrity - and while you’ve always respected my razor sharp ability to turn threads into the written equivalent of wearing socks on your ears … I must say that I’m disappointed. This radical coalition of anti public underwear enthusiasts is biased, mean and totally without merit. Just think of all the amazing advancements we luxuriate in due to the noble actions of the underwear-ers. Thanks to public underwear-ing we have: Volley ball Beach vacations Trailer Parks Mark Wahlberg Professional Wrestling Marilyn Monroe - and movies about Marilyn Monroe - and as a bonus, “Candle in the Wind” (both versions - as one can’t exist without the other). Also, consider this: without salacious underwear displays we wouldn’t have superheroes. Are you willing to sacrifice the very existence of “The Batman” due to your disproportionate underwear displaying prejudice? Are you prepared to live in a “Batman-less” world? And riddle me this: If all the heroes are depicted as wearing underwear externally - and all the villains are decidedly underwear hiders … what does that make you? Are you positive that you’re prepared to keep company with the Penguins of the world? And let’s say that you can looked passed his annoying waddle and that weirdly forced bird squawk that he puts on … how can you possibly keep company with a man who gets his fashion tips from Mr. Peanut? These public underwear displayers are not only brave … they’re the true heroes. We should be encouraging this behavior. We should champion their inherent need for comfortability with overly enthusiastic praise and the hope of warm weather. Maybe you just haven’t tried public underwearing. I know, I know … It seems difficult, almost like some intricate maze designed by Mensa members that can’t possibly be unwound by the likes of mere mortals … but it’s actually a very easy process. It works this this: Step 1. Forget to put pants on. That’s it. That’s the process. As a full fledged member of the “People who wear revealing clothing but swear it’s not for egomaniacal reasons” association, I can assure you that it’s worth it. Every dirty look. Every confused face. Every instance of some restaurant manager claiming, “Sir, haven’t you a proper shirt - your chest is distracting the wait staff.” It’s worth the persecution, for strong willed underwear devotees like this brave woman (who I’m totally sure is a real person and absolutely not a man pretending to not know that we’re saying ridiculous things to cause attention to the silly overreach of this entire thread), because some people have to overreach their freedom into your freedom to find the border of our respective freedoms to make that freedom more free. In that way, it’s a patriotic duty. Assuming that the country is actually free. If not, scratch the whole “freedom” thing and go back to the Batman argument - which, in hindsight - seemed to have more merit. The remedy here is obvious: you need less pants. Less pants and a public environment. Also, a camera. Then, and only then, will you know the true meaning of self acceptance: Soliciting other people’s acceptance. You’ll also learn the true meaning of “windchill” but that’s another point entirely.

And now from the desk of the “truly” casual… Here’s a list of things that no one told me before becoming a bodybuilder: 1. I have to smile more - otherwise you might think I’ll hurt you. As a musician, I spent years developing my “deep thought” look. You know that look right? It’s somewhere between “considerate reflection” and that face you make when you’ve walked into a room but can’t remember why. As a bodybuilder - this look was first to go. Bodybuilders spend an enormous amount of time “fake smiling.” Otherwise - it’s just a room full of people assuming I’m in the process of turning green, breaking something and losing my pants. 2. You start counting reps even when the activity doesn’t include them. I have, on more than one occasion, caught myself counting spoon stirs, toothbrush strokes, steps to my kitchen, food bites and less “mundane” reps than the aforementioned. I won’t consider this a problem until I’ve written down my “max rep” in a fitness journal. 3. Strangers will offer you confession About twice per day, I’m stopped by a random stranger to ask me about: work out tips, supplements, my bench press, but most notably - for confession. People feel compelled to tell me that, “they used to look like me and they plan to do it again.” I always smile and offer encouragement … but the truth is, I’m keeping a list and I plan to follow up. So before you go telling me “I’m gonna get back in shape,” just remember: I know where you live slappy, so make with the push-ups. 4. I might look like I’d break you in half - but the truth is, I’d have to warm up for twenty minutes to actually do it. I’m just kidding. I’d break you in half. 5. Suddenly you lift every thing equally. Once you’re at the point where you switch hands when bringing in the groceries - because you need the “reps” to be equal - you’re in some real bodybuilding weirdness. I once switched my car keys from one hand to another - just to “even out the weight.” Then I laughed at myself. Then I looked at my arms in the mirror just to be sure. 6. After every meal, I’m afraid I’ve become fat. Speaking of the mirror, here’s a literal conversation that I’ve had with myself more than once: Mirror me: Well, you’ve went and done it. Now you’re fat. Me: But the whole dinner was grilled chicken and salad. Mirror Me: You don’t know that. You didn’t read the bags. Me: I did read the bags. The bags said “chicken and salad.” Mirror Me: Salad is a code word for sodium. And sodium is the scientific name for “your disgusting stomach.” Me: You think my stomach looks fat? Mirror Me: I don’t know. Bend over and hold it next to your fat face - this way we can see if they resemble each other. Me: I can see my abs! Mirror Me: Those aren’t abs. Those are folds attempting to escape from your ugly stomach. Me: I dunno, mirror me. You’re not very nice. Mirror Me: Which totally sucks, because now that you’ve made us fat, I could have used one of those bubbly personalities. Me: I’m gonna go walk three miles. 7. No one knows what they’re doing. Bodybuilding is the science of unlearning everything you knew in one article: HIIT cardio is the best. No, walking is the best. Lots of reps are better for toning. No, few and heavier reps are better for toning. BCAA’s are amazing. Glutamine is a requirement. Vitamins are absolutely crucial. And serious training means serious supplements. Wait, scrap that. According to this article: None of those things are true. What’s the best rep scheme? The right macros? The true workout aides that will actually perform? The real answer is: whatever your body responds to. Then change it and confuse your body. Everyone subscribes to what works for their particular genetics, experience and results. Unfortunately, that lesson cost me tens of thousands of dollars. 8. I’m only happy when everything hurts. You know that friend of yours … the one who associates dissociative, sociopathic loser, Peter Pan syndrome having, Mommy issue trauma clambering, no job prospect wielding, gutter men with the term “bad boys?” Ya know how she can’t seem to realize that a wire got tripped somewhere and she only seems capable of love when it includes high levels of pain, mistrust, physical abuse, apology and elevated heart rates? You know how she constantly makes excuses and refuses to see that her “soul mate” is incapable of any mature feelings, much less outward love? You know that friend? That friend is me. And the terrible boyfriend is bodybuilding. It’s exactly that. 9. Cheat meals are the most dangerous drug. Nine out of ten doctors agree that consuming even one donut could create a physical dependency. With that said - I’m thinking of starting my own 12 step program for it. But mine will have 200 steps, because we’ll need the cardio. This completes that top nine folks. So until next time - keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

“Rule #27: Fuzzy socks are not allowed in scenarios involving intimacy.” This rule is not only wrong headed - it’s certainly not mandatory.

Above - in detail - I may have given the most relevant, sound, applicable advice to have ever been splashed about this forum. I will be acknowledged.

1. You can lead a horse to water - but it looks silly in a life jacket. 2. You’ll catch more flies with honey, but even more flies with all your fingers. 3. One man’s trash is another man’s trousers. 4. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. But totally by it’s parents. 5. A penny saved is a penny lost in your car. 6. Absence makes the heart grow tired of absence. 7. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket-case. 8. Beggars can’t be chewers. 9. Birds of a feather are bald birds that need more feathers. 10. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw parties. 11. You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Unless you’re making an eggshell omelet. Then by all means, proceed. 12. There’s more than one way to skinny latte. 13. Any job worth doing is worth doing for half according to your competitors. 14. What’s good for the goose is good for your grandpa. 15. Silence is Golden Girls (seriously, don’t even talk to me when my Golden Girls are on). 16. You get what you pain for. 17. A journey of a thousand miles begins in a motorized vehicle. 18. If you can’t say something nice, say it while running. 19. Never bite the hand that feeds the animals. 20. There are two sides to every Tori. 21. The early bird gets the paper. 22. If you can’t beat ‘em, try a hammer. 23. It’s better to be safe than sloppy. 24. A friend in need is a friend in debt. 25. Misery loves company cars. 26. You are what eats you. 27. Pick your battle-axes. 28. It’s better to have loved and lost, unless you’ve really loved that tv remote. 29. Blood is thicker than liquor. 30. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you should start a magic act. 31. Let sleeping dogs lie. Then, when they wake up, say - “I know you’re a liar.” 32. Laughter is the best meta-verse. 33. Clothes don’t make the manhole. 34. Dead men tail no tails. 35. Do not cut off your nose to spite your other nose. 36. Fake it till you make it worse.

Keeping within the theme of this fairly confessional, weirdly non-satirical tone that I’ve struck, I’ll tell you something about this shameful muscle shirt schtick … it’s sort of the window into who I am as a person. It exposes who I really am and misaligns with who I “think” I am. Also, it exposes my chest - but that’s not the point. See … on paper, the muscle shirt thing and I don’t jive at all. I’m not a fan of gaudy. Needy, pseudo artistic, cry-for-help, performative, attention demanding is something I’m nearly intolerant to. I’ve thrown more than a few people - out of more than a few locations - for drawing unnecessary attention to themselves in desperate displays. These actions have awarded me: free dinners at local restaurants, free coffee at more than one Starbucks and several (let’s call them) propositions. I don’t care for excessiveness. I hate a movie that needs two twists because they couldn’t satisfy a plot in only one. I hate when bands add five more live members to exceed the sound that worked perfectly fine prior to. I believe that most shows could do in six episodes what they usually fail to do in twelve. And I usually subscribe to the idea that “double albums” are what happens when a band can no longer be told “no.” And nothing that I just said ... Nothing … aligns with me, the person. I’m the epitome of excessive! I’m a case study in workaholism. I’m a first rate perfectionist. I live totally inside the “all” and give no notice to the “nothing.” My existence has been financed by immoderate obsessions and I’ve never “liked” a single thing without owning any less than ten books on the topic. Here is a real list of things that I’ve done to earn my badge of excessiveness: I once purchased or rented every “in print” work on John “Doc” Holliday to better theorize on the death of Johnny Ringo. I was 12. I once learned Elton John’s entire 1970’s catalogue - but only the string arrangements - in chronological order and I’m even referring to his hideous disco record. I once wrote out - in long hand - Hunter S. Thompson’s “Fear and Loathing: On the campaign trail ‘72” as a tribute to his having typed out the entirety of “Gatsby” to “get the rhythm.” Our reasons were the same. I once rehearsed a band every week for one year only to fire them after one show. And these are only the publicly acceptable stories. After a lifetime in music, excessiveness is easy and rather accessible. And yet - none of that really speaks to the values, morals, traditions or standards that I keep - all of which I’m excessive regarding and none of which fit the “excessive” personality type. I’m the weird mix you get when you stuff academic pursuits, an alpha male psyche, an artistic upbringing, Americana values, scholastic emphasis, competitive principles and a lifetime of entertaining into a blender. Basically - I’m a Beatles guy, talking like an Elvis guy, dressed like a professional wrestler. The muscle shirts are my shrine to the excess of a “bodybuilding lifestyle” wrapped in my disdain for “peacocking” where unnecessary, that inadvertently becomes a “performative” piece about “anti-performance.” Somewhere in there, I just described myself perfectly.

This is where things turn awkward for musician types. See … there’s the obvious professional benchmarks. You’ve written a hit song. You’re in a charted touring band. You’re a credited studio musician having played on many hit records. But then there’s the underbelly of that. The side guys who play on the beach circuit with “falling stars.” The career “target” writers who have album credits and commercial themes. The regionally famous and well paid. Then things get crazy. The cover musician who used to play for Marvin Gaye but currently works at a gas station. The owner of a small record label that used to be mega famous. The karaoke DJ that used to front bands opening for major stars. And none of this is to say anything about our musicians who are over 67 that come from a world that was entirely different. These guys could be regionally famous, award winning writers with legitimate hits on the “jukebox” charts (before regional charts were dismantled) and be syndicated television stars - all within a defined area - while being anonymous to the rest of the world. There’s such a convoluted aspect to “music” and professionalism. The work-a-day, family man is rarely discussed, but for years that was the beating heart of popular music. Tin Pan, corporate, suit and tie, clock in, hard working business people invented and solidified the structure of popular music. It was a career - and a career, more than anything else, defined where you stood professionally. All the above mentioned examples are true people that I’ve known. A lot of them are scenarios I’ve been in and all of them represent someone that had enough credentials to teach me something. I began my road career at four - coming from a regionally famous musician family back when that meant something astonishing. In that time, I’ve watched the term “professional” mean some truly wild things. Careers were defined by our ability to stage and execute a functional and enticing Vegas main room show. Fair ground circuits were for up and coming bands with label interest. Agents booked you solid and didn’t engage in “guess work.” Song plugging was a vetted sport. Radio play was a relevant, more even field that pitted your area talent against national talent. And no one - no one - dared to call themselves a professional songwriter if they hadn’t had at least one publishing deal. My first pub deal was at 13 and it was like handing me a membership to the most elite club on earth. Really it wasn’t. It was more like a small publishing firm, buying up young talent and paying retainers to sandbag you. But it certainly defined you and there was no question that you could write. The question of what defines a professional has plagued pop music and writers since removing the old guard and the rise of the marketing term “teenager.” It’s an uneasy question with almost unimaginably silly answers. I am in - and have been in - most of the preconditioned scenarios that at some point defined a “professional songwriter.” Still, in my heart - there’s this romantic lineage between what I do and what the tin pan guys did. I work for a living. I wake up early, tear into the material and arrive at the results that I intended. In my forty’s - currently in a 30 plus years career in music - I don’t overly glamorize the intangible aspects of art. I don’t lionize the muse at the expense of the grit. I literally heroize the thought of earned, worked for, knuckled up, bust ass hard work and the years it requires to knowingly utilize truly cultivated mechanics. I honor paying your way, feeding your family and grinding every note for the clothes I put on my children’s back. There will always be a definition that lives inside of me, of what professionalism in music means: it’s paying your way - and your family’s way -exclusively from music. And while that definition doesn’t play as well as saying “I have 100’s of album cuts, songs in Amazon films and a theme song on CBS,” it still matters more to me than anything else. I’m in the 2% of people that sit down to write music and pay all their bills solely on that alone. And that’s my personal benchmark. Maybe there’s an evolution in your profession that makes this relatable. All these weird twists and rephrased meanings that redefine professionalism. If so, maybe you have your favorite eras and definitions. Maybe you have your own standards that define your success - standards that get passed down and shared - and that can only be achieved by having “been there,” or taught by people that were. There’s a deeply genealogical aspect to music that’s missing. You can hear it in the hollow playing and the fear of space. It’s imitation - not application. Maybe you and your contemporaries have something just like that. Something deeply human that you miss and you carry it with you like the last members of a waning tribe. That’s me. And there’s not many like me left. So we’re fortunate Mike. We have the professional credentials to fit the criteria of a fiverr. Or an organization. Or the exclusive membership programs. And if you’re really fortunate - you have those personalized credentials that not a lot of people relate to. But you know what they mean - and it puts you at eye level with the people you deeply respected. Even if they weren’t around to see it. Which is most certainly the case for me. (And this completes my “honest and clear” talk for 2023. Join us next time when we ask: Crust … are the bread companies just messing with us or what?)

Let’s just say it: you don’t understand the meaning of commercial rights. No, not that garbled nonsense that fiverrian sellers “pitch” as commercial rights. I’m talking about real commercial rights. And while we’re at it, let’s put this up on the board: you don’t understand copyright as opposed to master ownership. Plus, you haven’t the slightest clue about publishing, work for hire, hired gun, session work, the difference between BMI and the Harry Fox agency, which agencies do what or how to register and protect your work. Each week we witness buyers ask about their “rights” to a piece of audio that they’ve purchased. Or, even scarier, some seller is here quoting fiverr terms of service as though it supersedes publishing law. Suddenly, the flood gates open and out from the depths of a foggy, red hell - sellers from every vertical are weighing in on a clients “rights,” or a sellers “ownership.” And rarely … and I mean RARELY … is any of it even close to accurate. How can it be this messy? Well, a few reasons actually: 1. Fiverr is attempting to broadly place various forms of publishing under one banner. Which - ya know - makes sense for a company that has the enormous task of designing widely fitting rules over not just one vertical - but all verticals. The issue, of course, is that not all publishing is made the same. Certainly not all standards are similar. And in the case of an originally written and recorded song - the whole affair is messier than your first apartment. 2. VO and music - while both being considered “audio” have vastly different rules. The standards of “work for hire” and its inclusion of “release for purpose of commercial usage” is completely different. I mean that both professionally and in the freelance realm. The rules aren’t interchangeable - which makes the opinions of some graphic designer from Toronto completely useless - when he chimes in to “educate” some young songwriter on their rights to use a master recording they purchased on fiverr by applying his knowledge of having worked with a voice over artist. 3. A lot of you aren’t nearly as professional as you’re representing to people. Listen, I get it. To a certain degree, the word “pro” has become a prerequisite “buzz term” that’s been made to appear as a crucial step in getting anyone to even view your profile. Even worse, if we held an open debate about the term “professional” we’d walk away with less clarity than when we started. But musically speaking - there’s some absolutes that seem unilaterally accepted when networking with other professionals. A pro songwriter, for example, has received royalty payments (notably mechanical ones) that have exceeded your monthly bills on a consistent basis. A professional songwriter has pitched credible production firms and singed artists and looked at projection totals that the firm estimates after recoupable’s. A professional songwriter has had at least one publishing deal, including a retainer, and gotten legitimate cuts from the deal. These are circumstances where you’re likely to find entertainment (music) attorneys. You’ll know them, they’re the really hairy gents hanging off the wall like a wretched insect, usually in a big watch and stroking their Rolodex while saying “it’ll only cost you your soul to have a peek at these numbers.” And here - here - is where you’re likely to really familiarize yourself with various ownership legalities. If you’ve never been in this situation - you probably know less about the validities of ownership - and it’s fees (or lack there of) than you think you do. Many of you are simply repeating erroneous talking points that you’ve picked up from uneducated sellers, mimicking bad insights from laughably terrible threads or quoting Fiverr’s terms of service. Which, is fine in most scenarios - but again, fiverr is applying the most broad written rules in order to protect itself … it’s not actually reciting the laws, practices or standards that will survive a “master ownership” dispute in court. I’m sure you’re extremely talented. But that doesn’t make you a publishing expert. Actually, I’m not even positive what does make someone a publishing expert. I have sat with entertainment attorneys who confused themselves so profusely - they literally had to stop and consult Google. Which is not the move - and can only make it worse (yes, I had to pay for that meeting). Meanwhile … none of that means anything in the world of VO. What makes up “social proof” of a voiceover artist’s professional credentials is well beyond my understanding. To me, if the guy can tell me about an upcoming movie in a really low voice - well, that sounds pretty damn professional. Fortunately, my standards aren’t the standard. But in every conversation involving professional VO artists, some of whom I know personally, it’s extremely clear that their protocol is different from mine. Radically different. Which begs the question: Why are we lumped in here together? Musicians are constantly answering “rights” questions regarding voiceover and vice versa. Not only does this not help us - it runs the risk of placing people in financial harm. Our standards aren’t the same. Our laws aren’t the same. We aren’t the same. Just look at our conduct. As a musician, it’s totally acceptable - even expected - to show up to a zoom client consultancy call with sunglasses in doors, drunk, possibly fornicating, puffing a cigarette and yelling “that would make a great song,” after every five statements. None of that would fly in the VO realm (which really sucks for you and I take no pleasure in holding it above your stuffy heads). Maybe we make interesting “bedfellows” - but let’s be honest, no one should be that confused while in bed. Especially in a scenario where your performance is being judged. Possibly the time has come to part company. In our own environments - buyers and sellers would receive advice from people who, at least, purport to be professionals in the correct field. Sure, it will probably still be bad advice - but at least it would be from the correct hemisphere. And - supposing that this idea doesn’t fall on deaf ears and immediately get filed in the “junk that’s too long to read” category - I’m openly accepting any defectors to join us in the swamp fire that would surely be an exclusive musician hangout. Think about it: you VO folks are one harmonica solo away from the life of your dreams. As a musician you’ll enjoy many perks that VO doesn’t provide you. Perks like: Blaming a drug binge when you tell your client off - only to have the client “completely understand.” Looking like you raided your grandmother’s jewelry and having people compliment your “uniqueness.” Sleeping until 1pm and calling it your “process.” Making something entirely different than what your client wanted and calling it “a think piece.” Making lewd comments at your client and being called “untamable.” Drinking at 3 pm because you got a “late start.” Blaming your “creative process” for all the physical intimacy that you “can’t control.” And that’s just the drummers. The rules of our respective fields are tricky enough. We do each other no favors by trying to articulate them for the other. And no one does us any favors by not being in our industry and “helping.” These fields aren’t as cut and dry as many others. The less clutter, the better. Maybe it’s time to part ways? So let’s sit the kids down and tell them. Let’s divide the belongings and figure out who bought what. Let’s leave while only remembering the good times. And let’s be our best selves in this weird circumstance of “goodbye.” But I’m keeping the house.

Actually, it isn’t. Fiverr has a strict policy on using ANY pre-published materials of any sort. All samples, published works and copyrighted components are prohibited. This even applies to cover songs. Technically, we’re not allowed to “sell” you work on a cover - though, in those instances there’s hardly a legal issue for the seller. Fiverr, however, could be subject to massive royalty back payments for profiting from sellers accepting money for songs that are owned and catalogued. Guys, the music industries standards and varied degrees of publishing is extremely specific. If you don’t have advanced experience in dealing with both sides of that table, it’s probably best to let other sellers address the issue or snag someone who has. The bottom line is this - We don’t know enough to answer this question. But there’s only two answers: If he wrote the song - he can distribute it and he doesn’t have to pay anyone anything that acted as a “hired gun.” Any session vocalist being paid in “up-fronts” to perform a vocal is by definition “a hired gun.” That means he owns the audio. He’s the financier of the audio. He wrote the song. Which means he also owns the copyright. This is the same in Nashville, where demo vocalists are commissioned to sing your material for the purchase of pitching. It’s not the vocalist’s intellectual property - nor audio property, because they didn’t finance the recording. If he didn’t write the song - he can’t distribute it, thus he should save his money and buy a bunch of coffee. All buyers purchasing music “masters,” in any place, at any time are the sole owners of that audio as per copyright law. Master ownership is not copyright publishing. They are uniquely different. Fiverr, sellers and buyers have no unique ability to supersede audio publishing law - even in instances where contracts are notarized. In theory - this person can own any audio he purchases. Any singer selling “releases” to audio that was financed by a third party and written by said party is engaging in fraud. Which … ya know, nice work if you can get it. Regardless, I dare a singer to attempt to extort me for “release” fees after I paid for their audio session. They could bring a high priced lawyer to court as I represent myself, over zoom, in feety PJ’s, eating a bowl of cereal loudly and I’d decimate them in the opening statement. This is an exclusively fiverr circumstance. The rest of the professional music world knows better.