Who Needs a Fiverr Fomance?

[fonthaunt]

My guilty pleasure is reality shows like Survivor, the Amazing Race, and Hell’s Kitchen. Of course, that means “showmance” is in my vocabulary. How about a Fiverr Fomance though? If you are (or were) single, try this magic formula to find your Fomantic partner!

Magic Formula:

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1. Open a new tab for the forum and look at the forum Latest Activity or your favorite category and find the first post that really strikes you as interesting or weird or dumb or whatever floats your boat… Do it quick without thinking!

2. Find the best keyword in that post that you think would help you find it again if you searched for it.

3. Locate the 7th word in your own gig description for your best selling gig. Now you should have two words - the keyword from the post you chose in #2 and the 7th word in your best seller gig description.

4. Go back to the forum. Type the two words you had from #3 into the forum search. Look down the list until you find the first name you recognize from the forum that matches the gender you date. You found your fomance!

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OR

Maybe you already have your own fomancer picked out. Drop some hints so we can guess who it is!

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OR

Single for life??? Fine! Pick out your favorite forum regular and tell us which celebrity you think they should date.

[For entertainment purposes only. Any marriages that result from this are not the fault of Fiverr, FontHaunt, or any of the Fiverr psychics. Any divorces that result from this are also on your own head. Limited variances apply, no returns or refunds, lawsuits must be filed in the Peace Vallis.]

[Anna]

Ohhhhhhohhhhooooo I was dying for a post like yours.

Love is in the air… (throwing some musical notes around)…everywhere you look around…

Has there ever been a Fiverr Fomance???
I think it would be “foutstanding” if there would be a forum couple :).
As for the forum regular dating a celebrity. …drum roll please…

Emma and bloody Gordon Ramsey Lol!

🙂

[cyaxrex]

If my new wife wasn’t already being shipped by FedEx from Asia, this might have been perfect. Why couldn’t you have come up with this 2 weeks earlier?

[writer99025]

There should have been a “like” button for this…

[miiila]

Replying here, cause my choice is Emma too, but dating He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Save Murica and the world, Em!

[zeus777]

Dang, my forum favorites? Actually I think I see a lot of them here in this post, but yeah, Emma for sure ( I believe there is a fine line between
being mean and strict, and I think she is strict. I think we all need strict people in every group), I also enjoy reading a lot of eoinfinnegan’s posts too.
It would be nice…if someday…just someday…I see a white rabbit, I chase it, then I fall through a hole…I arrive in Fiverrland…and I can have
tea with my favorite Fiverr people, HAHAHA. And oh, after the tea, we can all have a BBQ or sushi party. Oh that would be so fuuuuuuuuuun!

[cyaxrex]

Just to be clear, this didn’t work for me at all. I ended up searching for ‘content fomance’ and as well as there being hardly any posts, I couldn’t see any usernames and all the posters were male. In fact, the only forum user who I recognized was James Bulls.

So, is Fiverr telling me that:

a. I am destined to be lonely?

b. I should start a relationship with a Canadian male Satanist?

or c. I should buy a gig from James to help me divine information in regard to my personal romantic future?

[fonthaunt]

When the magic appears to fail, it can only mean that you were the actual person meant to go with Eoin to knitting club where you would find your cougar. It wasn’t Writer’s destiny after all!

Secondly, she will likely be a Candian who has retired in Ireland to knit and practice Satanism, which she converted to after meeting Jamesbulls.

[fonthaunt]

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named!!! I don’t get a Harry Potter vibe here. You couldn’t mean… Noooooo!

For Emma, I changed my mind. Eddie Izzard. She would scare Gordon because she knows more swear words than him.

[cyaxrex]

I think that I’ll just stick with my backup plan of dressing as an Indian maid, before wooing Writer in order to live a life of unparalleled luxury in Bangalore.

The only question is, what would a believable and flirtatious Indian maid costume be composed of? A traditional french maid ensemble with a sari thrown over the top?

In either case, I’ll have to start practicing my head Indian wiggle, housekeeping, and existing maid disposal skills. I just hope my own mail order Asia wife arrives in time to dog sit while I’m gone.

[fonthaunt]

I don’t know if we’ve had a fomance, but it’s time! For you, Anna - celebrity matchmaker pick = Josh Groban!

[writer99025]

You’re on a roll today 🙂

[writer99025]

Okay, who I want to be with - Ann Coulter. Don’t laugh. Bill Maher laughed once, a year ago. Look what happened 🙂

[fonthaunt]

We do need such a rabbit hole! Which means, YOUR celebrity match is Johnny Depp AKA the Mad Hatter!

[fonthaunt]

The only problem is that Writer has been taken. Mr. 99025 + Mrs. Palin-99025

😉

[fonthaunt]

Well, I missed this before matching you. Would Ann and Sarah get along?

[cyaxrex]

Boring, she’d never be able to rinse you dry like I could.

My own celebrity spouse choices would be Shelley Duvall as apparently she’s daft as a brush these days, Jeri Ryan, - providing that she signed a prenup promising to always stay in charachter as Seven of Nine, and Carol out of the Walking Dead. I don’t know her real name but she’s got that cool as ice older woman thing going, especially when she gets all smeared up in zombie guts and goes on a rampage.

Ann Coulter’s boring. You have to think about what life will be like when you’re sharing a Chinese takeaway on Friday night after too much prosecco, not just TV prettyness.

In fact, there’s an idea. In character, who would you like to get sozzled with on proseco with before diving into a Chinese Takaway, Seven of Nine or Walking Dead Carol? I’m thinking Carol would be the best choice, as you could make things dirty by smearing chow mien everywhere and pretending it’s zombie innards.

[miiila]

Hm, I like guys, but I think I wouldn´t mind a Prosecco and Chinese Takeaway Date with Seven of Nine. Actually, I wouldn´t mind at all, so you take Carol, I´ll take Seven, or we can share Seven, if you change your mind.

[writer99025]

Sarah is married and she’s a bit too old for me.

[cyaxrex]

How dare you! You don’t share Seven of Nine! Busty Borg drones in the delta quadrant have feelings too you know.

That said, I suppose we could always tamper with her cortical node a wee bit to make her open to the suggestion. Thinking about the practicalities of life with Seven, though, it probably just wouldn’t work. Recharging her overnight would cost a heap and she’d be useless in a zombie apocalypse.

In this case, okay, you take Seven and I’ll take Carol. Who knows, maybe we could double date at some point?

[miiila]

Hey one moment, that´s all the Borg are about, sharing.
But yeah, why not, the first of us to score that fate, inboxes the other to set a delivery time so they know they must up their gig game now to make that happen.

[fonthaunt]

We are pretending all of them are single and age-adjusted.

[fonthaunt]

If undead and borg/bot/droid are in I might be interested in Call from Alien: Resurrection. Not Ryder herself, just the machine. She could hack any computer for me and probably make toast at the same time. Ripley the half-human from the same movie has some useful muscle but is a bit rough around the edges. If it was a package deal, though, maybe.

[cyaxrex]

Careful with that Call, I hear that she’s all practical android when there’s aliens about but left on her own she can be very frivolous with other people’s credit cards and retail store merchandise.

Also, having a lover who can interface directly with your PC is never good. It’ll be all, “I know what you were just looking at in that private browser window, Font. Make your own God damned toast tonight, I’ve got a CPU ache!”

Very touchy androids. At least with Borg, you have a bit of human on the side.

[emmaki]

Don’t you lot have any work to be doing?

Since we’re on celebrity crushes at the moment… I don’t have any at the moment, but I wouldn’t say no to Patrick Stewart. Incidentally, I have inappropriately rubbed my body up against him once, but neither Patrick nor his minder liked it very much and I was promptly plucked out the crowd of stereotypical Trekkies.

The poor man had just finished performing The Master Builder, an interleksual play by the famed playwright Ibsen. I can’t remember if the performance was any good, as I was too busy drooling all over him.

Anyway, went to the stage door when that was done and a a bunch of Trekkies (all wearing as much memorabilia as they could, curiously enough) descended on him. So I touched him the only way I knew how, while claiming that I was “being pushed into him”. Sir Patrick did not fall for my bs, because he is a smart and sexy man who is, alas, not into me.

So, that’s how I handle my celebrity crushes. And pretty much all of them, come to think of it. I am not subtle.

I also met Angie Dickenson (?) once who is/was apparently famous but I didn’t recognize her and treated her like a civvie–she wanted directions (famous people; they’re just like us!)–which disappointed my starstruck mother.