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The Buyer's Guide to a Successful Inbox Experience [ARCHIVED]


emmaki

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So, you’ve got an idea. You’re ready to hire–I hesitate to use the word experts when looking at some of the dregs of society here–competent people who can do random stuff to your business. Congratulations, you’ve read Seth Godin along with half of the population.

Now, you could be serious about your project, or perhaps you’re an aff marketer who just wants to throw a bunch of niche droppings at the wall and hope one sticks. If you’re the latter, then stick with the $5 and don’t whine when you get bad results: I review your sites for a part of my work off Fiverr, and I’ve seen it all. You business will fall, and you will likely end up in your local park with a brown bag screaming about how you once almost had it all–along with the, ooh, 97% of other failed aff marketers?

But this isn’t about my judgemental review of your failure to see that you eat up lies from successful people who then feed off you (you weak little person). It’s about making Fiverr work for you, and generally making Fiverr a pleasant experience. Yes, you CAN get great work at discount prices. Just don’t be the future park hobo about it. I mean, I can spot future park hobos a mile off. Act like one, and I’m just gonna say to myself, “yep, that’s a future park hobo.”

Now you see, you can hire me for $5, but you’ll get 10 words. What you want is me writing like this, even a little better. It’s like sitting around a fire and I’m the one hogging the mic telling all the creepy ghost story (check: thematic) that make the other, weaker kids brown their pants.

But that’s just me. I drop my prices lower, I get flooded. See, this is a buyer’s market primarily–but some sellers can say “well, I want this price”. Additionally, as higher budgets come with more attention and risk, they take longer to complete. If my prices are too high for you, don’t negotiate, you’re wasting my time and yours. Find someone who is more suited to your budget.

This should all be blindingly obvious, of course. If it is to you, then just read on for the entertainment value and consider what an asset this acid-laced tongue could be when pulling out your prospect’s worst problems then slamming a golden get-out solution in front of them. This post is not directed at you.

Instead, I’m going to make this thread a collection of “moron inbox requests”. I will keep personal details private, of course–unless they directly come to this thread and challenge me. I think that’s fair. I’ll also be giving tips on how to better address the question.

I will not post pathetic seller requests, as they are too numerous to combat, and those guys will be banned in a matter of weeks, so who cares?

I will start with our inaugural potential buyer, who doesn’t even graduate to get my questionnaire to sort out the men from the boys! Please, a round of applause for Hapless Person #1!

So, the big problem here is I don’t know ANYTHING about the project so I ask for more details, as asked to do so. Yet I now have to be more specific. This project has gone right in the trash.

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Look, if you want to deal with professionals, we’re here. We shockingly cost more than the ragtag bunch of people who charge pennies while pretending to be Kate Middleton who is offering 10k of Twitter traffic for $5 while living in the United States–but if you fall for any of that well…

…you kinda need to look at yourself. If you want quality, personality and all the other good stuff, then that costs money. And since time is money, timewasters are anathema to a busy, successful seller. There are a lot of sellers here who charge a LOT more money elsewhere. They’re not just doing you a service–they’re giving you a favor.

This can be the no-name-but-shame thread if anyone wants to share their own “wut” inbox experience (buyers and sellers!), but remember to abide by the forum rules and make your complaint helpful. Or amusing. Ideally, both. If you just want to complain about how you did something wrong and you don’t understand the consequences, make your own thread and I may come and mock you there for being a billy of the hills or silly type, but with more judgement.

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<<But that’s just me. I drop my prices lower, I get flooded.>>

Can confirm, countless other sellers who start new here and have no plan and price their gigs similarly to other new sellers’ most probably too.

There´s sellers with good quality here and those with bad quality, and those with abysmal quality, e.g. google-‘translators’. Come to think of - is there something like google translate for writing-gigs too? Judging from some buyers’ complaints on the forum about elementary school level text deliveries I suppose there might be.

And good quality and low prices - rarely those twain shall meet. If you find it, you got very lucky. Hint: If it´s really good qualiy, and you´d just love your seller to stay your seller, it might be a good idea to offer them a bit more next time, if you know anyway that their work is worth much more than you paid them, compared to your bad experiences here - triply good for you, cause they´ll appreciate the thought behind it, are bound to like you and work for you again, and will know that it´s very reasonable to raise their prices, so they won´t get as flooded and won´t perhaps have to decline your next request to them, cause they can´t even take a breath with all those 5$/1000 word/24h-gigs drowning them, for instance.

ETA:
<<and I may come and mock you there for being a billy of the hills or silly type, but with more judgement.>>

Haha, you´re very very high on my list of forumites I´d love to come and mock my thread. 😛

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I’m wondering if I should just throw a current project in the trash. But it’s not on Fiverr and I’m new to that site so I might just tolerate a bit. I’m having a stalker and this’s the second times that as soon as I log in to the site, they send me a message asking how their project is. One time could be a coincidence, but twice?

Continuously pushing your seller is bad enough, stalking them is even worse. DO NOT STALK ANYONE, I believe it’s illegal in most countries.

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Sorry, this isn’t on topic but I liked your comment and clicked through to your profile to see what you do. I have to say that it is truly one of the best looking/sounding profiles that I have seen. I do wonder how it looks to German speakers when Fiverr automatically translates it though.
You mention that you also write but not on Fiverr, why is that?

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It looks abysmal lol there´s a thread we talked about that topic a lot, that´s why I got German translations in parts of my FAQs and my profile too. For now I’m working under the assumption that smart buyers will figure that something is off and will discover that well hidden button for the language setting and change it to English. And I love smart buyers. 😉

And thanks. 🙂

Because I don´t write as in it´s something for the writing/copyediting/etc category. Maybe you can buy some of it one day…posthumously probably, cause I won´t ever get it finished 😉

ETA:
The auto-translation is a problem though. Sometimes I get reset to German and it´s awful, really awful, and not even just the translations of the stuff you write and polish to gleam like a dragon´s hoard, but even the UI translations are partly displeasing.

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ETA gone wrong: (why the hell can´t you delete your post at least for a few seconds after posting as long as it doesn´t yet have comments in case of an accident?)
I love names like yours btw, Eoin, good chance of it being featured in my writing, if that is of any help in guessing 😉

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Yes, I often wonder where some buyers come from intellectually.

For Example:

Buyer: “Hi!”

Me: Hi, Sorry but I will need more details before I can respond to any request.

Buyer: “ok i am looking for a website writing content along with images”

Me: "Hi, Sorry, I wouldn’t be able to help you with this.

Buyer: “Ok fine.”

Ok, it might seem that I have cut this exchange off prematurely. However, if you are looking for content writing and images, why haven’t you either just ordered or told me specifically what you want from the get go? - Is it because you want a discount or simply have no idea what you are looking for?

What I personally love is the buyers who come to me saying they love my work and need something like an explainer video done in 24 hours. Then after three messages or so, they drop the bomb that their budget is something ridiculous like $10. Off they then go, only to crawl back a week or so later because the person they found who would work for a measly $10 has left them with a complete piece of junk.

This happens with writing more than anything. The idea that there might be a difference in talent and competency between writers who charge more and those who charge less simply flies over a lot of peoples heads.

If you want to haggle about prices with people who already charge rock-bottom rates for the type of quality you will be getting, your business deserves to fail. More importantly, it will fail and you will actually end up throwing more money at while it sinks in front of you.

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Hmmmm, Using my name in your writing…
That narrows it down to two possible genres:

  1. Irish history
  2. Erotica
    Unless of course it is Irish erotica which basically involves a pub, music and lots of Guinness followed by lots of blank pages as… well… we just don’t do that kind of thing here - never mind TALK about it!
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If I´ll ever get done with it, at least if I´m still on fiverr then, I´ll send you a custom offer for the chapter with your name in it, for just 5$! 😉
and now… see you elsewhere…

sneaks out of Emma’s successful inbox experience
Sorry for the long thread-nap, Emma, you´re very welcome to reciprocate in any thread I´ll ever do!

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Sometimes in my inbox comes the general question “Can you tell me how this works?”

No, that’s part of what buyers get with an order.

I get daily messages that people have gotten spells from others and they didn’t work, and unfortunately that sours their ability to think that my spells actually do work. How to let buyers know I’m different from others is the problem.

Look, if you want to deal with professionals, we’re here. We shockingly cost more than the ragtag bunch of people who charge pennies while pretending to be Kate Middleton who is offering 10k of Twitter traffic for $5 while living in the United States–but if you fall for any of that well…" Exactly.

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