I want to start a new gig--and possibly an agony aunt war

[emmaki]

So, I was thinking that Fiverr doesn’t have an agony aunt. Aunty Emma is here to listen to your woes then spank you for being naughty and drench your dreams with a cold bucket of water, common sense and varying levels of tutting, depending how ridiculous your personal issue is.

There is only one other seller thrown up with search keyword agony aunt (who will also write messages on her funbags and has no sales), so this is a niche, guys. An underserviced niche with NO competition. It requires no skills other than being opinionated and having the ability to project your moral and ethical values onto someone you’ve never met before so congratulations–you qualify!

Let’s have an agony aunt war. You can also have a tit writing war (tbh I might just offer that as well. My balcon has its admirers, and if the girls can make me $5 a pop, why not?)

I am brimming with new gig ideas, as you can see. Do you have a problem? I can’t be bothered to write the gig and think on prices/extras tonight, so instead I will advise one lucky person on how to best solve their issue. Or will I?

NB does not include “mek sell” questions. Get your baps out.

[emmaki]

I’ve found my gig pic! This is exactly what an agony aunt looks like in my mind’s eye. But then again, it would.

Also, don’t worry about the original Fiverr agony aunt. She has like a 40% rating due to only making 1 sale that I can see and not delivering that–and she’s been on Fiverr since 2011. Suck on that egg, newbies! And don’t moan, I’ve given you a unique niche to adopt as your own. That kind of stuff is gold dust these days, and I don’t mind a little competition.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/nov/13/agony-aunts

I am going to assume there are no comments yet because you’re all too dumbstruck by my genius.

[cyaxrex]

Love it. I’d compete with you as an agony uncle but to be honest I don’t want to detract from the theme of my existing gigs. Would that be an issue do you think?

[misscrystal]

I hope you launch the bust writing gig.

[emmaki]

If I did the boobwriting gig, I would obviously have to promote it with my boobs. Which makes me think that it would have higher impressions than any other gig (because boobs). I may just go for it. I don’t think my boyfriend would mind if every so often I bunched them up and said "you need to write “buy from Acme.com!”.

I think you could offer an agony uncle service and it wouldn’t detract from your main sales. Most buyers find you through the internal search rather than Google/page. I’m currently wondering if a bapswriter gig might affect my other work in which no boobs are present (unless the seller is a boob). I THINK Fiverr allows multiple profiles if the offerings are too different, but I’d honestly check with CS first.

[emmaki]

Alternatively a “whiteboard” animated boobwriting gig in which I try to scrawl a commercial message on my body unsuccessfully.

Why don’t mek sells people have great ideas like I do? That’s definitely a unique idea that would be popular. Especially with a $100 extra of “I will fumble a bit until it’s borderline pornographic”

I don’t need to write! I just need to get my boobs to work for once in their life!

[emmaki]

Ali Baba has pens in the shape of a certain male anatomy part.

This is literally writing itself.

[misscrystal]

Be sure to leave your completed orders showing.

[emmaki]

Oh yes, of course. I wonder how many of these bodywriting gigs are actually just a sexy stock photo and photoshopped whatever?

Not with me! You would get the full baps experience! How great is my CV going too look soon? “Experienced copywriter, boobmarketer and agony aunt”

[idostuff4u]

Did someone say boobwriting gig? 😛

[emmaki]

See, this thread makes it clear: agony aunts are boring.

Boobwriting gigs are fun, bouncy and titillating!

[idostuff4u]

Open question: “Agony aunts Gigs” vs "Boobwriting Gigs"
Which are you more likely to spend $$$ on? 😛

[emmaki]

Why not an agony boobwriter aunt?

I’d just sensually write “you’re both stupid, grow up” on my boobs and maybe flip flap them about a bit. Gig extra $10: I will shower sing badly as my tits take over the percussion section.

[cyaxrex]

Well, if either ever takes off you could very well have a situation where guys (or girls) occasionally need agony aunt advice in regard to how jealous and threatened they feel by their girlfriend’s new career as a professional boob writer.

In this case, both concepts stand to make a few $$$'s if they’re done right. The only question is, would you get a boob written invoice for your boob writing or just a standard, “here’s a summary of your gigs for this month?” - Personally, I’d prefer a boob written invoice as I’d love fo file that in a tax return.

[emmaki]

New gig extra idea “I will ‘honk’ one boob with sound effects for $5”.

I was just looking at the competition. Shoddy photoshop work and in some cases, they’re basically stripping off and covering what must be extraordinarily tiny nip ples with their fingertips.

[idostuff4u]

An agony boobwriter aunt… You were right. “This is literally writing itself.” 😃

[sue_mcl]

Baps was my absolute favourite take away British word after living in London for 7 months, years and years later I still use it regularly.

Please start a bapswriter gig, what a freakin crack up 🙂

[sue_mcl]

I love the funny shyte on alibaba, I’ve often wondered about starting an alibaba WTF blog, but I’ve been too lazy to do it and assumed that surely that would be well and truly covered somewhere on the interwebs

[emmaki]

This would definitely be a good addition to any gig along the lines of “I will flop my boobs around for peanuts”: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Two eyes, two nipoples (it’s a censored word, OK?). Yes. it’s all coming together. Agony Boob.

[emmaki]

Don’t forget the pen-is pen. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I knew a medical word for an anatomical part shared by over almost 4bn people worldwide would be censored. I’m going to call this “wangst”

[idostuff4u]

Meet Fiverr’s next Super Seller emmaki… Hahahahahhahahaha.

[emmaki]

“I will ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) my boobs 4u sir”

[writer99025]

Yeah, you would make one heck of an agony aunt…

[emmaki]

My exhaustive research shows that boobs are better that advice.

[Guest peppermint_wish]

The ideas here sound amazing!
maybe i should consider…
😉