I have recently noticed that I can report myself

[Guest capitalquality]

I don’t know why but knowing that I can report myself is occupying more thinking time than it has a right to and I wonder what that looks like? Will Fiverr twist itself into an infinitely recursive existential knot? (I’m not going to try it)

[cyaxrex]

I’ve heard that if you do this a secret trap door opens up beneath where your sitting and you are sucked down into the secret Fiverr Sarlacc pit. Once there, you have to choose between being eaten by the Fiverr Sarlacc, or battling your way to freedom. A few have made it back to civilization over the years. The only problem is, they usually go mad in the process and of course, no one ever believes them.

The above being the case, I strongly recommend that you DO NOT report yourself. It’s for your own safety.

[misscrystal]

As cyaxrex said, best to never try it.

[Guest capitalquality]

Perhaps making it back is one of the secret criteria to become a Fiverr Top Seller though… WHAT IF!!!

[cyaxrex]

You know, that would make perfect sense. Still, though, just how far are you willing to go to be a TRS? Would you willing fight the Fiverr Sarlacc in the knowledge that even if you win, you might have to survive for months, maybe even years afterwards on the marrow of the bones of all the Fiverr sellers who tried and failed before you? I mean it’s a pretty deep pit to crawl out of…

To try and give yourself an edge, maybe pack a packed lunch and a change of clothes prior to hitting the report button. Also, don’t forget to pack your toothbrush!

[Guest capitalquality]

I will take carefully prepared tasty morsels for the Sarlacc to get it on my side. I will forget my toothbrush so that the morsels, combined with my bad breath, will encourage the Sarlacc to help me crawl out of the pit.

[cyaxrex]

I’m sorry capitalquality, but that’s a really rubbish plan. Do you have any idea how dangerous a Sarlacc is? This really isn’t something to be taken lightly and you’re planning on offering this thing h’orderves?

This is exactly why so few people ever actually become a TRS. But, if you feel like this is the right thing to do, who am I to argue?

Your best bet would be at least to get a protection spell or something similar off misscrystal.

[Guest capitalquality]

The simplest plans are the best and at the heart of every evil monster is a fluffy bunny fighting to get out. I will appeal to the Sarlacc’s inner fluffy bunny and will arise victorious.

[idostuff4u]

“At the heart of every evil monster is a fluffy bunny”… Is this true?.. Had I only known… Let the battle begin… I too wish to become a top rated seller… We shall arise victorious!

[writer99025]

LOL…this conversation is so funny 😃

[cyaxrex]

This is true. My dog was a really badly abused rescue who still has his moments but is the most affectionate creature which I have ever known. Has cost me a blooming fortune since I got him, though.

[idostuff4u]

Is his name Sarlacc by any chance?

[fonthaunt]

While I’m quite enjoying the thread, would you like to know the real answer? It may be useful for anyone reading if they haven’t seen a post on this before, because reporting your self can indeed have an intended or unintended consequence.

Edit: There are also two types of reports. Inbox reports and forum reports. I can answer what happens with both, although on inbox reports I can only give general info and not a specific answer.

[Guest capitalquality]

Yes! Join us. If there are enough of us we can defeat the Sarlacc together. I will create a gig to act as a kickstarter so that we can afford enough expedition supplies.

[Guest capitalquality]

Oh, yes please!

[Guest capitalquality]

To be honest I wasn’t sure there was going to be a real answer so I’m intrigued

[cyaxrex]

Sadly not, but I’m thinking about getting him a real girlfriend to replace my steadily dwindling sofa cushion supply. In this case, maybe I’ll get a girl, call her Sarlacc and start the first gig on Fiverr selling Sarlacc puppies. Now that could be a killer gig.

If only there was a way to get around those annoying international restrictions on trade of live semi-mythical monsters out of Star Wars…

[fonthaunt]

Ok, so, since this is the forum I’ll talk about forum reporting first. Then I’ll give you the vague info I can on the other kind. If you are bored by those, skip to #3 which was once featured on the Discovery channel.

1.) Forum reports are reviewed by a real person, usually an admin or moderator though some staff members can see them. If time permits, we try to figure out why the report was made and act accordingly, so if it looks accidental we’ll just “unreport” it and if it looks like a valid spam or rule-breaker report, the post is typically removed. Sometimes a lot of reports happen fast, especially if a controversy is ongoing. Some people think if they report a post they dislike it will get the post removed or the person in trouble. Actually, if the post doesn’t break the forum rules, it just brings negative attention to the person who reported it.

Some people report their own post and that’s usually either because they hope it will get answered faster or because they want it deleted. We don’t answer “help” posts faster just because they are reported, so when someone reports themselves, we commonly assume they wanted the post removed and we remove it. (This can be very troublesome to someone yelling about their woes and trying to force answers, and since it is just as troublesome to go check on a report for no reason, removing it can be very enjoyable.) 😉

2.) If you report yourself via inbox, most of the time it is probably ignored since Fiverr support probably assumes it was a mistake. It could be an unlucky risk, though, since if you did happen to irritate another person recently or if someone else reported your PM by accident, yours added to another could end up getting you auto-marked as a spammer. The icky part about that is that you can end up with your messaging disabled until it is straightened out.

3.) Finally, to keep in theme, there is the third possibility that is the most dangerous. Clicking the report button in either the forum or the inbox has a .0008984734473424242% chance of causing an intraflux capacitor in your computer to trigger a systemic quantum event. If it goes all the way through the fartonomous generator, either a random person on earth will get a terrible sinus infection OR a mutant brine shrimp that lives on Alpha Centauri will run out of food and swallow the Earth.

[fonthaunt]

In case I’m wrong about my answers, although they are ALL based on sound evidence, I would like to be an alternate if anyone drops out of the “Fight the Sarlacc” group.

[fonthaunt]

I can think of 2 or 3 TRS who are quite insane and at least one who is halfsies. Hmmmm…

[writer99025]

I am tempted to report you for this post.

[idostuff4u]

@fonthaunt, Join the battle. The more the merrier. No one need drop out. 🙂

[Guest capitalquality]

At the moment .0008984734473424242% is better odds than defeating the Sarlacc. I have added you to the expedition payroll as ‘fartonomous generator principle measurer and analyst’.

[fonthaunt]

Wow, that is an amazing compliment! That degree usually takes YEARS to earn! 😉 I look forward to being part of the movement against Sarlacc. I shall wield my Atari 2600 principle measuring tool proudly.

[fonthaunt]

What would happen if you reported someone for reporting a report function?

Since you are some others commenting in this thread are TRS, I have noticed that there have been no comments from said TRS offering to admit that they were in battles with Sarlacc or went mad. This makes me suspicious of you all.