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Thank you, Fiverr community!


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I just wanted to thank Fiverr editors for featuring my gig, which was uploaded just a few days ago, on the front page of Fiverr. My gig involves myself dressing up as a certain little mermaid and saying whatever the customer requests. The video on the gig may seem like a simple, cute video to you, but for me…

I spent days and hours rehearsing it in front of the camera, making sure my makeup, wig, cute seashell bra and performance was just right. I’ve always had extremely high levels of anxiety, especially in front of a camera. I’ve spent years hating the way my voice sounded, especially on a recording or video. My voice is naturally very high pitched, and I am always mistaken as being much younger than my actual age because of it. As a result of social anxiety, and therefore not speaking much, my speech is awkward, full of so much stuttering, filler words (um, uh, ah, etc), trailing off, over explaining things, sometimes talking too quickly… often, my conversational partners tune me out or end a conversation far too early, much to my disappointment. And for some reason, on camera, it is much worse. Why?

I couldn’t stand to hear myself in a recording or video. In real life, I talk, but don’t think twice about my voice… on camera, I HATED it! Hearing that awkward, squeaky voice over and over again made me frustrated and upset. It just reminded me of the fact that I am a terrible conversationalist and I will never reach my dream because of it, which is become a character performer at children’s birthday parties etc.

Cosplay and costuming is a long time hobby of mine. Whenever I was in costume, I would break out of my anxiety shell. When my Ariel costume came in, I figured I would make a gig on Fiverr, so I could at least perhaps make others happy (or try to…) by having them see their favorite mermaid princess on screen. And so, every day for a week, I spent an hour perfecting my makeup and getting into costume. 30 minutes to 3 hours a day was spent walking around the house with nobody else home, carrying a fork/dinglehopper. I practiced speaking, hand gestures, posture, and movement that looked natural, all that have been very difficult for me because of my anxiety and insecurities. Finally feeling confident with myself, I sat in front of my camera, fixed my wig one last time, smiled real big and pressed that red circle button…

And failed miserably. I felt as if all that practice went down the drain. Because for some reason, when I am on camera, I freeze up, no matter how many times I have rehearsed before. I begin strong and surely, only to fail when I sputter out a word or for no reason at all, just stop talking and stare blankly at the camera. And when I DO finally manage to complete the video, I view it and I always have something wrong with it. Almost always, it is my voice. But sometimes it would be there was a wig hair out of place, or I was doing something weird or unnatural with my hands, or I slouched in my chair (I have always had bad posture… Thanks, 20 or so years of public school seating and love of video games!), or my camera wasn’t focused, or it was something else. I was never satisfied with my final product, and I couldn’t justify delivering a performance that wasn’t as good as it could be, even if it meant barely noticeable smudged lipstick… Maybe because I’m a little bit of a perfectionist? Is it the aspiring actress within me? We will never know.

So I sat in the same spot for like an hour, recording different clips rather than one big video. I was never fully happy with any of them, but I took the best ones I had and made them into one video. After a little polishing, I anxiously uploaded it to my gig, hoping that nobody would detect that I was actually a nervous wreck.

Imagine my shock when my newly created gig was made featured and put on the front page of Fiverr? Or how happy I felt as the views and clicks and favorites crawled up? And the 10 or so people that have messaged me so far, saying how beautiful I looked (another insecurity) and… No way… How lovely my voice was?

I’m still not happy with that video… I’m going to remake it very soon, with no clipping and with higher quality. But just seeing all this support that people didn’t even know they were giving or how much it meant to me… Thank you! From the bottom of my heart.

I completed my first order today btw! Yes I was an anxious, nervous wreck in that video too, and it took like 89137997 tries before I was happy with it. But it’s done, and I looked decent, and my confidence and self esteem has skyrocketed knowing that so many people have supported me… And that by simply appearing on video as a mermaid princess, I probably made a little girl’s day. 🙂

In just a few short days, I am closer to believing that I can someday be good enough for live children’s entertainment, and if my friend had never told me about Fiverr a couple months ago, I would have never.

So yeah, thanks 🙂

tl;dr Fiverr has made me unbelievably happy and confident in like 2 days, thank you so much everyone!!

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