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When your job makes you a quasi-expert on "everything"


smashradio

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As a copywriter and voice-over artist, I've learned about all sorts of odd topics over the years. For example, you could quiz me on the benefits of 3D-printed clear aligners, or the ins and outs of painting a wall, and I'd probably impress both the dentist and the painter.

I might know more about herbs and vitamins than the hippie down at the local herbal shop, and I could likely diagnose and suggest treatments for gastrointestinal issues better than many doctors.

If you happen to have a Siemens MRI machine in your garage that's gone a bit grumpy on you, I'll probably know how to repair it.

And after creating and voicing hundreds of hours for cybersecurity companies, I’m probably more paranoid than anyone you know, unless you're friends with some Mr. Robot types.

Most of this information is pretty useless outside my job, but while I was writing 2000 words about Invisalign for a website by heart and getting feedback that the company wanted to use it to "train our employees as well", I realized just how much random stuff I know far too much about.

What are some of the strangest or most "pointless" topics you’ve become an "expert" in through your work?

Disclaimer: 

I suffer from odontofobia and may shake uncontrollably if I smell latex gloves. All dental knowledge is purely theoretical. I'm not a licensed tech qualified to repair your Siemens MRI machine (and if you own one, may I also suggest speaking to your local clinical psychologist). My painting skills are on par with my toddler son (for confirmation, consult the wife). I certainly don't believe in herbal medicine, and I will not be your IT guy. 

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I know a lot about British boilers.  I don't want to, but I do. The upshot of it all is that I know there (was) a lead magnet out there full of completely legitimate references to old boilers and lots of easter eggs for the equally childish.

But that's what you get when you hire me to write your guide to replacing your old boiler. 🙂 

Don't worry, the client knew exactly what I was doing, too.

 

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The only thing that I know is that after having created more than 15,000 Amazon product descriptions that new buyers and Fiverr both find that I'm an incompetent incapable of knowing how anything works on that platform or this one.

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8 hours ago, tanvirwebranker said:

ranging from the intricacies of making armor during the Middle Ages

Ah yes, it's absolutely important to know how to make armor, just in case you should end up in the Middle Ages. 😄 

7 hours ago, emmaki said:

I know a lot about British boilers.  I don't want to, but I do. The upshot of it all is that I know there (was) a lead magnet out there full of completely legitimate references to old boilers and lots of easter eggs for the equally childish.

But that's what you get when you hire me to write your guide to replacing your old boiler. 🙂 

Don't worry, the client knew exactly what I was doing, too.

 

British Boilers! I didn't even know there was such a thing. 😄

7 hours ago, levinewman said:

The only thing that I know is that after having created more than 15,000 Amazon product descriptions that new buyers and Fiverr both find that I'm an incompetent incapable of knowing how anything works on that platform or this one.

Yes, I mean... 15,000 is hardly enough to call yourself qualified in the eyes of the almighty Neo. He is The One, after all. At best, that's novice level stuff. When you get to 15 million, you might be considered for Top Rated Enterprise Deluxe Plus Premium Pro Ultra, for just $99 per month plus taxes. Time to get started! The road to success for sellers like you, starts here – and begins with your participation in 246 AI webinars. And don't you dare fall alseep while ChatGPT speaks, or Neo will kung-fu-kick your success score. 

I know Kung Fu - Neo Knows - quickmeme

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On 4/14/2024 at 7:55 AM, smashradio said:

As a copywriter and voice-over artist, I've learned about all sorts of odd topics over the years. For example, you could quiz me on the benefits of 3D-printed clear aligners, or the ins and outs of painting a wall, and I'd probably impress both the dentist and the painter.

I might know more about herbs and vitamins than the hippie down at the local herbal shop, and I could likely diagnose and suggest treatments for gastrointestinal issues better than many doctors.

If you happen to have a Siemens MRI machine in your garage that's gone a bit grumpy on you, I'll probably know how to repair it.

And after creating and voicing hundreds of hours for cybersecurity companies, I’m probably more paranoid than anyone you know, unless you're friends with some Mr. Robot types.

Most of this information is pretty useless outside my job, but while I was writing 2000 words about Invisalign for a website by heart and getting feedback that the company wanted to use it to "train our employees as well", I realized just how much random stuff I know far too much about.

What are some of the strangest or most "pointless" topics you’ve become an "expert" in through your work?

Disclaimer: 

I suffer from odontofobia and may shake uncontrollably if I smell latex gloves. All dental knowledge is purely theoretical. I'm not a licensed tech qualified to repair your Siemens MRI machine (and if you own one, may I also suggest speaking to your local clinical psychologist). My painting skills are on par with my toddler son (for confirmation, consult the wife). I certainly don't believe in herbal medicine, and I will not be your IT guy. 

Also a voice actor here, and I know way more than I ever thought I would about both male performance issues and heavy machinery. Because of my vocal print I'm hired for a lot of dude-related stuff and blue-collar projects. I'm the primary voice for a large male performance clinic across the US and several heavy machinery dealers and manufacturers in and outside of the US. If asked to I could probably write a quick thesis paper on the causes and common treatments for ED as well as standard and new manufacturing practices for both augers and excavator buckets 🤣

Edited by texvox
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5 hours ago, texvox said:

If asked to I could probably write a quick thesis paper on the causes and common treatments for ED as well as standard and new manufacturing practices for both augers and excavator buckets 

With your expert knowledge, do you think you could somehow combine these subjects to create a thrilling terrifying new treatment for this delicate male health issue?

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On 4/14/2024 at 8:55 AM, smashradio said:

What are some of the strangest or most "pointless" topics you’ve become an "expert" in through your work?

I'm not sure this counts, because it's more 'outdated' than 'pointless', but I use to work in a film-processing lab. 35mm hasn't quite gone extinct, but all my knowledge of that industry is pretty much pointless now except in historical and trivia context. I suppose it isn't completely useless, should someone bring me beta work set in the time-period before digital cameras, but the odds of that are rather slim. 

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17 hours ago, texvox said:

Also a voice actor here, and I know way more than I ever thought I would about both male performance issues and heavy machinery. 

Ah yes, the male performance ones. I've had my fair share of those viagra scripts. I was the go-to voice for a major clinic that did ED treatment in Norway. A few years back, they replaced me with AI (Norwegian TTS voices sounds like a llama being strangled) but they quickly realized their mistake and asked me to come back. By then, I had doubled my rates, and they were stuck with amateurs or TTS. 🙃 I'm also the voice for SoRoTo in Norway, so I know my buckets, cement mixers, and heavy-duty conveyor belts.

12 hours ago, emmaki said:

With your expert knowledge, do you think you could somehow combine these subjects to create a thrilling terrifying new treatment for this delicate male health issue?

That's just pure evil. I like it. 

1 hour ago, imagination7413 said:

I'm not sure this counts, because it's more 'outdated' than 'pointless', but I use to work in a film-processing lab. 35mm hasn't quite gone extinct, but all my knowledge of that industry is pretty much pointless know except in historical and trivia context. I suppose it isn't completely useless, should someone bring me beta work set in the time-period before digital cameras, but the odds of that are rather slim. 

I'm a bit of a film nerd myself. I know my way around a projector room in a pinch. 

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I've been a freelance writer for more than 25 years now. I giggle a bit when someone asks, "Have you ever written about...?" Yes, whatever it is, I've written about it.

Tech specs for automated inventory retrieval units? Got you covered.

How to keep spiders out of your bushwhacking hat in Australia? No problem.

Marketing your SaaS to CEOs in Sri Lanka? Sure!

Male health? Yup, I've done that too. One memorable buyer asked me "Do you think you can really get inside the mind of a man with peepee problems?" I guess I can.

Good thing I love learning stuff. Many people suggest freelance writers pick a niche. I couldn't possibly!

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6 hours ago, melanielm said:

 "Do you think you can really get inside the mind of a man with peepee problems?" I guess I can.

Hilarious. 😅 The only topic I refuse to write about is makeup. I get so many requests for it, and while I'm sure I could pretend to understand why, but I won't. 

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My favorite makeup fact, about why women wear lipstick, is unprintable for this forum. But let's just say that it makes one body part look like another body part that red-blooded men like a lot. Unless they bat for the home team, so to speak. 

 

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12 minutes ago, emmaki said:

My favorite makeup fact, about why women wear lipstick, is unprintable for this forum. But let's just say that it makes one body part look like another body part that red-blooded men like a lot. Unless they bat for the home team, so to speak. 

 

Good lord. I'm too conservative for this conversation.

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But you've learned a fun makeup fact to share with the world! 

Other fun makeup facts include early makeup killing women because of stuff like mercury in the ingredients. Then there's the Chinese tiny feet shoes. Makeup! Once you get past the boring industry full of gorgeous but boring people, there's a world pain, horror, and death lying in wait.

IIRC, Queen Elizabeth I died because of her makeup. Ah yes, here you go. I could have asked ChatGPT, but sometimes you just want a museum's snappy take on things: 
image.png.6350e081d2839ecccf421625400d4f61.png 

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1 minute ago, emmaki said:

But you've learned a fun makeup fact to share with the world! 

Other fun makeup facts include early makeup killing women because of stuff like mercury in the ingredients. Then there's the Chinese tiny feet shoes. Makeup! Once you get past the boring industry full of gorgeous but boring people, there's a world pain, horror, and death lying in wait.

IIRC, Queen Elizabeth I died because of her makeup. Ah yes, here you go. I could have asked ChatGPT, but sometimes you just want a museum's snappy take on things: 
image.png.6350e081d2839ecccf421625400d4f61.png 

And I'm sure we'll classify the stuff women use today as poison in another 31 years. It's less than 15 years since we banned asbestos in the EU, according to ChatGPT. 

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Really? I thought it was banned longer ago, but I am British... (1999, according to Google). 

But yeah, agreed about the future poison stuff - the skin is the largest organ in the body, and while it's waterproof (or resistant, if you prefer), it isn't everything-proof. The big deal at the moment seems to be microplastics though. Apparently there was a study not too long ago where researchers took blood samples (or something like that) out of a whole bunch of people including pregnant women with unborn babies. Anyway, upshot of it was everyone had microplastics, including the babies, who were getting their plastic via the placenta. 

AFAIK nobody knows just how bad this really is, other than it's probably bad. 

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5 minutes ago, emmaki said:

Really? I thought it was banned longer ago, but I am British... (1999, according to Google). 

But yeah, agreed about the future poison stuff - the skin is the largest organ in the body, and while it's waterproof (or resistant, if you prefer), it isn't everything-proof. The big deal at the moment seems to be microplastics though. Apparently there was a study not too long ago where researchers took blood samples (or something like that) out of a whole bunch of people including pregnant women with unborn babies. Anyway, upshot of it was everyone had microplastics, including the babies, who were getting their plastic via the placenta. 

AFAIK nobody knows just how bad this really is, other than it's probably bad. 

GPT said so, so it must be true. 

I eat from my wooden cutting board. TikTok told me people on the carnivore diet has to eat from it, so I do. No plastics. 

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