Bad Movie Advice

[damooch916]

The one where we deconstruct some of film’s most famous quotes - and we discover that maybe advice isn’t Hollywood’s bag. 

 

1. You can do anything, but never go against the family - The Godfather 

 

To most of us, Mario Puzo speaking as Vito Corleone was the modern equivalent of Plato and Socrates. But this bit of wisdom is questionable. 

Firstly, not all of our families are all that great. Some of them are downright deplorable. I’ve met families just like yours. Trust me, whatever they’re saying - do the opposite of that thing.  

There’s the uncle who moonlights as a conspiracy theorist. The niece who is on more pills than a child safety cap. Your parents, who haven’t decided where they’re gonna eat since the late 80’s. Your grandparents - who bought you socks until the exact moment when you actually wanted socks - and then, inexplicably, switched to buying you books with Kirk Cameron on the cover. 

These are all people you should go against. Preferably in public. 

 

 

2. You’re gonna eat lightening and you’re gonna crap thunder - Rocky 

 

This quote, aside from being a stunningly accurate slogan for Taco Bell, is incredibly unhealthy when followed. 

Lightening warms the surrounding air to five times hotter than the sun’s surface (or roughly half the temperature your wife keeps the thermostat while asking “is it cold in here?”). Southerners will tell you, you don’t eat lightening - you get struck by it while standing outside, waiting for the aliens to come back. 

Besides, good lightening is hard to find anymore. The box is always soggy and they give you too much rice with not enough lightening. 

As for crapping thunder - it’s significantly difficult to accomplish. Especially because it only happens when it’s raining. Relatedly, players only love you when they’re playing. 

 

3. Love means never having to say you’re sorry - Love Story 

 

Love means a lot of things. Being unapologetic is literally none of them. I’ll tell you what love means:

* Love means learning you’ve folded towels wrong your whole life. 

* Love means having four blankets on your bed when you only intend to use one. 

* Love means we’re going back to the store tomorrow to return that thing you just bought today. 

* Love means suddenly owning 100 plants because the house needed “scenery.”

* Love means splitting all the chores. Then watching as all your chores get redone for you because you “don’t do it right.”

* Love means surprising each other. Then it means checking the surprise in advance to make sure it’s the right surprise. 

* Love means ice cream. Unless love is feeling unflattering. Then, love means don’t mention ice cream. 

* Love means it’s 75 degrees inside and wearing a blanket. 

* Love means accepting when your partner has a headache. Love also means not mentioning that natural remedy for headaches. 

But most of all, love means knowing when you’re supposed to be sorry, being sorry and it certainly doesn’t appreciate when you ask “what you’re being sorry for.” 

 

What bad advice has Hollywood offered you? Did you “stop and look around” because Ferris warned you about life’s pace? Then you realized life doesn’t operate on your watch? Did you get “mad as hell” only to figure out that people wouldn’t tolerate that sort of behavior? Have you been ejected from the local coffee shop for attempting to “beam yourself up?” It can happen to the best of us. 

Tell me some of your best worst advice from a movie. Or don’t, say “rosebud” and get to the credit sequence. 

[newsmike]

Bad movie advice... Billy Batts, Goodfellas.

 

[zeus777]

6 hours ago, damooch916 said:

aside from being a stunningly accurate slogan for Taco Bell,

I've lived in the states for nearly 20 years and I've never eaten at Taco Bell.
And now that I've read this, I think I never well.

OK now I need to come up with my own example...
The only one I have right now is this:

"OK, let's split up."     ~any random teenager/college student horror movie~
 

[vickieito]

So happy to see you posting more @damooch916! I love reading your content!

Quote

"From that day on, if I was going somewhere, I was running!" - Forrest Gump

Okay, so "Forrest Gump" has a lot of amazing quotes it in and I absolutely love this movie!😍 However, since we are sharing bad movie quotes, this one is piece of advice that I lived by before I met my husband that's just plain wrong (my husband's name is Jun, by the way).

Unfortunately for Jun, he was my first and only boyfriend (so I knew very little about relationships when we first met). Lucky for me, he's put up with me for the past 18 years. He's been extremely patient when I flipped out about him opening my junk mail and I've learned to "finish" all the tubes of toothpaste that he starts but somehow loses track of.

On our first date, Jun stopped by my apartment to pick me up from my college dorm and I grabbed his hand and started running. He stopped me and asked me what the heck I was doing. "Going to our date," I replied, "We're late!" We were supposed to be at a performance put on by the school's dance club. I knew we could get there on time if we ran. "That's not what people do on dates," Jun told me, "I just want to hold your hand and be with you." So we walked, hand in hand, and had a fun time together.

It still took several dates for me to understand that concept - to not run through life. When we hiked a mountain together, I was all set on getting to the top of the mountain as fast as possible. Jun constantly told me to stop and enjoy the view. I thought he was just being a wimp, stopping all the time, but he really did want to enjoy the view. I think I have a tendency to run through life - trying to get results and achieve targets - that I often forget to enjoy the journey.

We shouldn't be so set on our destination that we forget to stop and smell the roses! 🌹🌹🌹

[vickieito]

32 minutes ago, zeus777 said:

I've lived in the states for nearly 20 years and I've never eaten at Taco Bell.
And now that I've read this, I think I never well.

I don't know @zeus777 , 3 years of living in Japan has made me really want to eat Mexican food. 😔It's so expensive here. Our family even spent $80 to get Costco's 2-lb bag of tortilla chips shipped to us from Amazon (In the US, it's less than $5). The Costco here doesn't sell it. There is a Taco Bell close by, but the portion sizes are so tiny (and the prices so high) that it's better to just make our own food. If we can find all the ingredients.

If you are in the US, I'd go for Cafe Rio or Chipotle over any Taco Bell or Del Taco out there! It's worth any "thunder" that may happen after consumption!

[zeus777]

@vickieito I've never been to Taco Bell, but I have been to Chipotle a few times. Also Taco Del Mar and also this place near my college in San Jose, La Victoria.
I like burritos, but was never a taco fan. There's this also this authentic family owned Mexican restaurant near my friend's house, I go there quite often. 😄
Also just the other day I ate tamales for the first time in my life. It was good!!

( sorry damooch, I'm going off track on this post. If I come up with another good bad movie advice, I'll post it!)
 

Edited August 28, 2022 by zeus777

[favourik]

"If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer." Jim Carrey in one of his Ace Ventura movies. 

If I say I'll be back in five and I'm not, please come check on me.😭 

[newsmike]

14 hours ago, zeus777 said:

~any random teenager/college student horror movie~

Right. Most have a line something like,  "I know, let's go hide in the slaughterhouse. next to the old wood chipper." 

[melanielm]

"Do or do not. There is no try." Yoda

Nope. There's an awful lot of try in life, and there's nothing wrong with that. Since Fiverr is full of 'doers' maybe this isn't the best place to say that! I'll amend it to  'There is no trying in Fiverr!' (crying in baseball?) I need more coffee.

[stonesadreana8]

Forrest Gump's famous line, "Life is Like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get" is example of bad advice, as it implies that life is unpredictable and out of our control, when in reality, we have a lot of power to shape our experiences.