Can you ask for help?

[alphagev]

So, as the tag says I just wanna talk about something deeply related with our own psychology. I'm not a doctor, I just want to ask a question and give my opinion.

I was struggling for years with the "simple" act of asking for help and accept it from my beloved ones. I couldn't ask for it, I felt I was showing my weakness. I had a memorable talk with a friend some time ago. She asked what if I broke my leg while hanging out with her. Could she pick me up and help me? I replied "No! I'll crawl!". That's an example of how devoted to my "no help" vision I was. It's something you'd see on this forum too. I barely asked questions or raised new threads to ask for advice. Instead I read a lot and tried to make things right by myself.
Now things are getting better, so I'm here to ask everybody: are you able to ask for help and gracefully receive it?
 

[smashradio]

5 hours ago, alphagev said:

Now things are getting better, so I'm here to ask everybody: are you able to ask for help and gracefully receive it?
 

I'm a man. I never ask for directions. 😄

Jokes aside, I have no problem asking for help if at first, I can't help myself. I always look for solutions myself, before asking for help. But there are times when help truly is needed. And there's nothing wrong with asking for it. 

My issue for a long time, was another thing related to psychology: I struggled with saying "no" to people. No to projects I didn't want to do, no to friends and family when they expected something of me that I just didn't want to do or had the energy for. Instead, I felt guilty for even thinking it, and I did what was asked of me. 

These days, I'm in love with the word "no". And the importance of it really can't be overstated. Being able to say "no" to more things, frees up your time, energy and love for the things that actually matter to you. Other people's expectations be damned. And being able to say "no" and feel good about it, has changed my life. 

No longer will I be buried in work I hate, no longer will I do that bloody dinner party just because my family expects it of me, even though I'm tired and just want to game. No longer will I accept bullying from buyers with an attitude. 

That's not to say you should say no just for the sake of it. This isn't about being isolated, never doing things and locking other people out. It's about not saying yes, when your inner self screams "nooooo". It's about respecting your own will, time and wishes, and making it clear to those around you that they better do so as well. 

If that comes across as bitter, it is, but that's a story for another day. 😄 

[delower__boss]

thank you 💔

[alphagev]

1 hour ago, smashradio said:

I struggled with saying "no" to people

Funny enough this goes along with my attitude of helping everybody else than me. I have a hard time saying "no" to people and this suck up a great amount of energy. I'm working on it - saying no and let others help me instead of saying yes to everything and denying help from others. So thanks for your comment, I can really relate and use your experience as a memento. 

[imagination7413]

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/944267.Boundaries 

I have a folder for bookmark shortcuts specifically on the 'no' topic.

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But, to end this post on a FUN 'no':

 

[mariashtelle1]

13 hours ago, alphagev said:

Now things are getting better, so I'm here to ask everybody: are you able to ask for help and gracefully receive it?

It depends on the situation 🙈 I never ask for help in terms of knowledge, in this era of internet you can learn almost anything by yourself. 
But if it’s something physical then yes, I can totally ask for help. My husband taught me that he is the one opening doors for me, moving a chair and carrying heavy things and that’s out of the question if I can do it myself or not 😅

[smashradio]

17 hours ago, imagination7413 said:

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/944267.Boundaries 

I have a folder for bookmark shortcuts specifically on the 'no' topic.

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But, to end this post on a FUN 'no':

 

There's a really good book, by a Norwegian writer, called "The art of saying no - with a clear conscience". 

Highly recommended addition to your collection of "no's" 😄