The “Am I Annoying” Test (at-home kits available)

[damooch916]

Hello new fiverr forum member and welcome to the outskirts of Fiverr! 

Many of you have just arrived to our great phantom communion. Some of you were told that the Forum is a great way to make money. Others are here to make friends. There’s even been rumors of some forum members who join our group to … l e a r n … (spooky). 

Whatever your reasons, the Fiverr forum can be a magical place. But it can also not be. How you use the forum will greatly impact what you gain from it (I got a nifty t-shirt in a writing contest. I think that’s right. This place is a writing contest … right?) 

It all begins with one simple question. A question intended for yourself: 

“Am I annoying?”

To help you navigate this search for the truth - I’ve devised Fiverr’s first, fully functional, take-home, “Am I annoying test.” I’ve even included some extra questions designed for more “established” community members. 

Ready? Pencils up. Begin. 

 

  1.  You just completed an order. Should you: 

A) Start a thread to tell us about your completed order

B) Tell us and start another order so that you can tell us 

C) Immediately create a thread to explain your freelancing brilliance 

D) Work for a living and stop acting like it’s a magic trick

The answer is D. The nature of freelancing on a market place is to get work and do that work. You don’t need a high five every time you complete the job you’re here to do. Unless someone has hired you to attend a local funeral, perform a rain dance, resurrect a loved one and you actually completed the order - don’t tell us about your orders. 

 

  2.  You have been a freelancer for one day. Should you:

A) Join the fiverr forum and leave a useless comment on 36 threads

B) Join the fiverr forum and offer suggestions to other freelancers

C) Join the fiverr forum and “follow” all the female members

D) Keep your mouth shut and read 

If you said D, you’re right! According to a recent clinical study, 90 percent of people who read things - don’t post terrible content while reading things. That’s awesome! While every marketplace is subject to change, some elements of freelancing (and sales in general) remain the same. Search the words, questions, ideas and thoughts that you have and read everything that’s ever been discussed on this forum. 

 

You’re doing great! Now you’re ready for a harder question! 

 

  3.  You’re not getting any sales. Should you:

A) Start a thread asking for “tips.”

B) Complain that fiverr is “unfair”

C) Look blankly into the rescinded hope that once was your monitor. Time tapping at your shoulder, playing its sick rhythm against the symphony of your sorrow

D) Say in a loud and clear voice, “This is my job to fix.” 

You did it! You guessed D! Which, at this point, is a fairly valid guess. So much for “randomized.” Beginning with the question, “am I good enough to make money at this skill,” you have to evaluate every aspect of your job - the getting it, starting it, keeping it and finding customers to sell it to. While all skill levels are not the same - the books, tutorials, paid training, marketing research, podcasts, ad opportunities and chances to learn are available to everyone. If I have to do your job, I want half the money (please forward me the two dollars by mail). 

 

  4.  You’re irritated that new members post repetitive content. Should you:

A) Create a ridiculous parody thread that doubles as a useless “writing-exercise,” because you’re in bed, your wife is asleep, you’ve seen all the Seinfeld’s you care to watch and you’re toying with the healing powers of hypocrisy. 

 

Uh… should is strong word. 

 

 5.   You’re having an issue that needs immediate assistance. Should you: 

A) Ask the fiverr forum to help (fix) your issue

B) Start a brand new “fiverr doesn’t care about sellers” club on the forum

C) Insult your current buyer, throw your nearest electronic devices through a window and join a traveling bluegrass group

D) Contact customer service 

The answer is … drumroll … C! 

Naw, the answer is D! You did it again! New members sometimes misunderstand the concept of the fiverr forum “ranting pot.” As with most forums, the purpose of a specified ranting location exists to complain about what “won’t” change. It’s a wish. Or a retelling of freelance horror. It’s not intended to fix your issue and it has no ability to do so. 

That said, let’s take a look at what the ranting pot is really used for. First, here is an example of what not to do:

“Ugh!!! I can’t believe it. Someone help me. This buyer, who’s name is totally “DJbuttonmashingnontalent” just ripped my song off and cancelled. I gave him a free sample. He loved it. He asked to hear my work so I sent it with a two pound bag of donuts and a subscription to my favorite streaming platform. After I sent it to him, he cancelled and said he hated it. Then I saw it on his website. I didn’t even turn in the delivery! What am I supposed to do? I contacted customer service but it’s been like two whole minutes and no one has responded. HELP!”

Don’t do that! Instead - use the rant space to post relatable material that speaks to the collective. An example might be: 

“Hey all. I just need to unload for a moment. I don’t know about you, but I’m entirely sick of our local woodworker. On three separate occasions he’s dropped off sentient wood structures and it’s getting ridiculous. Yesterday, after a rather uncomfortable read, the bookshelf chastised me for my lack of organizational skills. If that’s not bad enough, my brand new marionette is an insufferable dirtbag. This guy has only been firing thoughts for two days - yet he’s fully capable of moaning like a teenager. Oh and he killed my pet cricket. You’d think that seeing a talking cricket may have given the kid some insight into the bug’s standing in my house - but no. Killed it dead. Well, thanks for listening.”

 

  6.  You’d like to advertise your services. Do you:

A) Start a forum thread disguised as a harmless question 

B) Start a forum thread disguised as normal conversation 

C) Crowbar your trade into every conversation on the forum

D) Learn how to advertise 

 

Well, I do declare! I think you’ve got the hang of this. The answer is D. While it’s true that more people knowing about you is MORE than not, it’s also true that you are one of many endless voices playing the same low scoring game. While I don’t subscribe to the “Forum Regular stereotypes” (the forum won’t bring you sales, you can’t use buyer’s requests to make money, YouTube tutorials are bad …) I DO believe in the hierarchical structure inherently embedded in our design and it’s purposeful utility to impose structure onto every group setting. As for this group setting - we’ve decided to thumb our nose at casual advertisement in places that aren’t specifically designed for said advertisement. Lest you want to be driven from the town via pitchfork - you’d better learn some YouTube bashing and calm it down speedy. 

Pencils down. 

Great job! You’ve gotten a perfect score! But more than that, I think we’ve all learned something today (until ten minutes from now). 

Sometimes a purposeful insult can be equal to decided ignorance. You may see a lot of your behavior in the choices listed here today and that’s okay. We were all new to the forum at one point. You’ll do better. And then you’ll do great. 

If you’re not sure, ask other people what they like. Sometimes people can surprise you with what they can do. It’s… such … a … 

Good feeling to know you’re alive 

It’s such a happy feeling, you’re growing inside 

And when you wake up ready to say

“I think I’ll make a snappy new day”

It’s such a good feeling 

A very good feeling 

The feeling you know that - I’ll be back 

When the day is new 

And I’ll have more ideas for you 

And you’ll have things you’ll want to talk about 

I

will

too

Bye neighbor. 

[frank_d]

Bonus points on question 3, if they pick (A) but also post that request under the actual tips section of the forum.

[visualstudios]

1 hour ago, damooch916 said:

Time tapping at your shoulder, playing its sick rhythm against the symphony of your sorrow

Man, you should be a writer.

[damooch916]

1 hour ago, visualstudios said:

Man, you should be a writer.

I sorta subscribe to the idea that all writers (even us totally asinine, presumptuous songwriters) are writers. Our requirement is to view the whole field as ours to learn from.
 

And to spout nonsense. 

[damooch916]

20 hours ago, frank_d said:

Bonus points on question 3, if they pick (A) but also post that request under the actual tips section of the forum.

Thanks for the suggestion Frank. Speaking of suggestions, let me know and I’ll clear the schedule in order to conduct my interactive seminar. I’m ready with the following presentations:

The Brutal Art of Caffeine: A Sun Tzu approach to drinking coffee

Sales and Baseball Bats: Assuming the Sell or Else 

Writer or Prison Escapee: Five ways to know if you’re a real writer or a recently escaped convict

I’m just here to help. 

[melanielm]

Who will NOT benefit from this thread?

A) Anyone with a sense of humor and love of creative writing.

B) People who want validation for all their Fiverr forum grumbling and frustration.

C) Procrastinators who should probably be working right now.

D) Those who actually need to learn this stuff.

Unfortunately, still D!

Thanks, though, as a representative of the A, B, and C groups.

[miiila]

36 minutes ago, melanielm said:

I used an emoji. What was I thinking?

D) Whatever you were thinking, it was just because you hadn't had enough coffee.

I won't bother with A) to C) for obvious reasons.

[damooch916]

2 hours ago, melanielm said:

Who will NOT benefit from this thread?

Grammaphobia Sufferers 
(which, contrary to the funky name, isn’t the fear of really kind elderly ladies who bare your resemblance). 

[vickiespencer]

4 hours ago, damooch916 said:

Grammaphobia Sufferers 

[melanielm]

7 hours ago, damooch916 said:

Grammaphobia Sufferers 
(which, contrary to the funky name, isn’t the fear of really kind elderly ladies who bare your resemblance). 

Wait a second... Did you just say I look like a kind elderly lady? 

Thanks for the entertainment. Your posts are always a must-read.

[vickiespencer]

1 hour ago, melanielm said:

9 hours ago, damooch916 said:

Grammaphobia Sufferers 
(which, contrary to the funky name, isn’t the fear of really kind elderly ladies who bare your resemblance). 

Wait a second... Did you just say I look like a kind elderly lady? 

I thought he was talking to me until I looked Grammaphobia up!

 

[zeus777]

This was such a fun one to read, especially when I started seeing the usual "I got my XXXXth order" "Not getting orders" posts.
For some reason I had the illusion that those posts kinda-sorta disappeared for a few days...
Or maybe they were always there and my brain was trying to tell me to ignore them, and by some magic it worked for a short period of time.
Well, those posts are clearly back again so what the heck.

Hmmm, I need to come up with a fun and entertaining thread, whether it is related to Fiverr or not!