I'm Narrow Minded? -Unhappy

[hmz4klm]

Hello everyone!

I’ve a problem. The problem is within my mind and thoughts. And the problem is that I’m very closed minded. Whenever I visit the forum, I don’t want to leave tips for people or help them. Not only here, but in my real life too. I feel like I should not help people in achieving anything e.g. I don’t want to help my class fellows, help people who expect from me. Even many of my friends told me about fiverr, that introduce us to fiverr but I keep excusing and didn’t helped them at all.

Also when someone tell me about their success/achievement. I’m not getting Happy at all! I’m sure you can get me.

Please don’t judge me wrong. I’m very unhappy about my this behavior. I’m sharing this here just to learn something from you people. Just tell me how can I be a social Helper, a Kind Hearted Person, a heart winner, a loving and people liking person? Is it good to help people? To be happy for them? To congrats them? To encourage them?

[graphixunlimite]

Start with helping your class fellows and I promise, you will be feeling happy.

[misscrystal]

You are describing a much deeper and more complicated problem than you can get help with on a forum.

This might be something about your personality, a way of coping with things around you.

No one here has the ability to give you any diagnosis or counseling about you lack of helpfulness or lack of feeling happy for people when they succeed at something.

You might be a sociopath or a narcissist, and there are lots of great videos on youtube if you search for the term narcissist but that is not a diagnosis from me since I’m not a professional in the mental health field.

You also most likely are perfectly normal in every way. Only you know.

[hmz4klm]

You are describing a much deeper and more complicated problem than you can get help with on a forum.

This might be something about your personality, a way of coping with things around you.

No one here has the ability to give you any diagnosis or counseling about you lack of helpfulness or lack of feeling happy for people when they succeed at something.

You might be a sociopath or a narcissist, and there are lots of great videos on youtube if you search for the term narcissist but that is not a diagnosis from me since I’m not a professional in the mental health field.

You also most likely are perfectly normal in every way. Only you know.

Thank you, I’ll definitely search for the term “Narcissist”.

[misscrystal]

Thank you, I’ll definitely search for the term “Narcissist”.

@hmz4klm This lady is excellent but there are dozens of really great experts in this subject on youtube:

This guy is good too, but he is more directed to the ladies who get involved with narcissists:

I’m posting these so that if anyone reads this who needs more information on this not uncommon problem these are good places to begin.

This problem is becoming so common and affects so many lives that everyone should become educated about it so they are aware and can spot it before it does damage to themselves.

[catwriter]

Hello everyone!

I’ve a problem. The problem is within my mind and thoughts. And the problem is that I’m very closed minded. Whenever I visit the forum, I don’t want to leave tips for people or help them. Not only here, but in my real life too. I feel like I should not help people in achieving anything e.g. I don’t want to help my class fellows, help people who expect from me. Even many of my friends told me about fiverr, that introduce us to fiverr but I keep excusing and didn’t helped them at all.

Also when someone tell me about their success/achievement. I’m not getting Happy at all! I’m sure you can get me.

Please don’t judge me wrong. I’m very unhappy about my this behavior. I’m sharing this here just to learn something from you people. Just tell me how can I be a social Helper, a Kind Hearted Person, a heart winner, a loving and people liking person? Is it good to help people? To be happy for them? To congrats them? To encourage them?

I don’t want to leave tips for people or help them.

You’re not obliged to. Most people don’t do it. Forum participation isn’t mandatory. There seem to be some new users who believe that older users owe it to them to help them, but they’re simply wrong.

I feel like I should not help people in achieving anything e.g. I don’t want to help my class fellows, help people who expect from me.

Again, you’re not obliged to. You help if you want to, and don’t help if you don’t want to.

Also when someone tell me about their success/achievement. I’m not getting Happy at all!

When you browse through the forum and keep seeing posts celebrating the first order, the second order, the tenth order (with a separate topic for each one), or finishing the free course (which is designed to be easily finished), it’s easy not to care about same old, same old stuff that just clutters the forum.

I’m very unhappy about my this behavior.

Why?

Is it good to help people?

Generally speaking, yes, but not if you feel forced to do it.

To be happy for them?

Not being happy because of a minor success of a random stranger on the internet doesn’t make you a bad person.

To congrats them?

I’m not sure that countless posts stating “congratulations” are really necessary, especially if you’re talking to random strangers and not to people you often talk to on the forum.

To encourage them?

If you feel like encouraging them, sure, go for it, but if you don’t feel like it, no biggie.

All this being said, I do hope that you don’t get mad if other users simply don’t feel like responding to you, and I do hope that you don’t think that you’re owed guidance and help.

[misscrystal]

I don’t really think the OP has the problem I described since he is aware and says he is not happy being that way. I took the opportunity to post some things I have wanted to for a while now thinking someone may be helped by them.

[coerdelion]

I’d hazard a guess you’re the oldest - or only! - child … and have possibly been expected to take more responsibility - for younger children or your parents - at a younger age than you were ready for.

If you’re worried about how you feel, seek out someone who can help you come to terms with all of this … which isn’t really here …

[misscrystal]

I’d hazard a guess you’re the oldest - or only! - child … and have possibly been expected to take more responsibility - for younger children or your parents - at a younger age than you were ready for.

If you’re worried about how you feel, seek out someone who can help you come to terms with all of this … which isn’t really here …

I’d hazard a guess you’re the oldest - or only! - child

Do you mean the OP? I’m an only child and have a huge problem being too helpful, to my own detriment.

[coerdelion]

Sorry @misscrystal - I did indeed mean the OP

Flip side of a similar issue for you, though … possibly …

[misscrystal]

Sorry @misscrystal - I did indeed mean the OP

Flip side of a similar issue for you, though … possibly …

Flip side of a similar issue for you

Yes it is. You are so right. Both are unconscious attempts at some kind of self protection.

[coerdelion]

It’s not about self protection. It’s about not being protected from too much responsibility from being a young child. People with that experience tend to think they are responsible for everyone …

[misscrystal]

It’s not about self protection. It’s about not being protected from too much responsibility from being a young child. People with that experience tend to think they are responsible for everyone …

I learned as a child to try to make everyone happy.

[cyaxrex]

Hello everyone!

I’ve a problem. The problem is within my mind and thoughts. And the problem is that I’m very closed minded. Whenever I visit the forum, I don’t want to leave tips for people or help them. Not only here, but in my real life too. I feel like I should not help people in achieving anything e.g. I don’t want to help my class fellows, help people who expect from me. Even many of my friends told me about fiverr, that introduce us to fiverr but I keep excusing and didn’t helped them at all.

Also when someone tell me about their success/achievement. I’m not getting Happy at all! I’m sure you can get me.

Please don’t judge me wrong. I’m very unhappy about my this behavior. I’m sharing this here just to learn something from you people. Just tell me how can I be a social Helper, a Kind Hearted Person, a heart winner, a loving and people liking person? Is it good to help people? To be happy for them? To congrats them? To encourage them?

I’ve a problem. The problem is within my mind and thoughts. And the problem is that I’m very closed minded. Whenever I visit the forum, I don’t want to leave tips for people or help them. Not only here, but in my real life too. I feel like I should not help people in achieving anything e.g. I don’t want to help my class fellows, help people who expect from me.

You are at the stage in life when you just get on with life. Welcome to becoming everyone over 30 who isn’t a communist.

[misscrystal]

I’ve a problem. The problem is within my mind and thoughts. And the problem is that I’m very closed minded. Whenever I visit the forum, I don’t want to leave tips for people or help them. Not only here, but in my real life too. I feel like I should not help people in achieving anything e.g. I don’t want to help my class fellows, help people who expect from me.

You are at the stage in life when you just get on with life. Welcome to becoming everyone over 30 who isn’t a communist.

Whenever I visit the forum, I don’t want to leave tips for people or help them.

You are so lucky! How can I get some of that? I’m sick of wanting to be so helpful all the time.

[coerdelion]

I learned as a child to try to make everyone happy.

You know you’ve come a long way @misscrystal … the fact that you block buyers - for various reasons - is a great indication that you’re making progress.

[misscrystal]

You know you’ve come a long way @misscrystal … the fact that you block buyers - for various reasons - is a great indication that you’re making progress.

If they make me feel too stressed sometimes I do but the block feature doesn’t seem to work any more.

Constantly answering messages is very stressful since at least 85% are annoying in some way.

[web_jonayet]

Start with helping your class fellows and I promise, you will be feeling happy.

YES! you’re right brother. 🙂

[hmz4klm]

I’d hazard a guess you’re the oldest - or only! - child … and have possibly been expected to take more responsibility - for younger children or your parents - at a younger age than you were ready for.

If you’re worried about how you feel, seek out someone who can help you come to terms with all of this … which isn’t really here …

Your so right. I’m the oldest. And yes I’ve been responsible from my early childhood. Is it really because of that?

Thanks bro

[coerdelion]

@misscrystal - you are not responsible for other people’s happiness. And, yes, people in general can be irritating. The trick is to understand that their stuff is theirs, not yours - difficult if you’re an empath, but not impossible.

[coerdelion]

@hmz4klm - probably. It’s unfair and unreasonable to expect a child to do a parent’s job. And because it seems “normal” in affected families, no one really notices … but it comes out in this type of attitude in adult life. When you’re an adult - and out of the situation - why would you want to take on more of the same burden?

This can also be a consequence of being sent off to boarding school … don’t get me started.

Get some help if you can. CBT can be useful, although that takes time.

EFT tapping is faster and you can learn how to do it on a basic level through videos on youtube or whatever …but you may still find some help from a qualified EFT therapist useful.

[misscrystal]

@hmz4klm - probably. It’s unfair and unreasonable to expect a child to do a parent’s job. And because it seems “normal” in affected families, no one really notices … but it comes out in this type of attitude in adult life. When you’re an adult - and out of the situation - why would you want to take on more of the same burden?

This can also be a consequence of being sent off to boarding school … don’t get me started.

Get some help if you can. CBT can be useful, although that takes time.

EFT tapping is faster and you can learn how to do it on a basic level through videos on youtube or whatever …but you may still find some help from a qualified EFT therapist useful.

When you’re an adult - and out of the situation - why would you want to take on more of the same burden?

Our brains get wired into the behavior starting at very young ages. It is all about the family dynamics. And as you say, an empath has to learn to have boundaries.

I’ve learned how to not be triggered by the words “please help” on this forum, at least most of the time.

[coerdelion]

Yes, people raised in families that might be dysfunctional have real issues with boundaries.